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Will and Guy's Humour - Funny Clean Jokes

Will and Guy's Funny Clean Jokes, Short Stories and Amusing PicturesFunny Clean Jokes

'Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.' Victor Borge

This site is built for enjoyment.  We had great fun both in gathering the humour from numerous sources, and in arranging it an entertaining format.  We have divide the site into these five broad sections:

Humour Sections

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Life After Marriage

Daniel and Jessica, young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon. When they got back, Jessica immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'

'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'Funny Clean Jokes

Then Jessica burst out crying. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Daniel started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Ma.'

'Calm down, Jessica!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?'
Still sobbing, Jessica whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.'

Ancient Jokes

Jokes have existed for over 4 thousand years. Philogelos or The Laughter Lover is the oldest surviving example of a joke book; it contains 260 jokes and was written by Hierokles and Philagrius in the fourth century. The jokes in The Laughter Lover have surprisingly modern themes, which are divided into categories such as Incompetents, people with bad breath and Intellectuals, who are often portrayed as those who lack common sense.

In an ancient version of Monty Python's dead parrot sketch a Roman buys a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the seller, the Roman is told: "He didn't die when I owned him."

Funny One-liners

These are only a tiny fraction of our material.  Which varies not only in subject matter but also joke telling style.  In a nutshell, we have a 'funny' for every occasion.

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Funny PicturesClean Funny Jokes

Will and Guy interpret funny pictures as any images that we find interesting, or thought-provoking.  Will and Guy forgot to mention earlier that we have nothing to sell, thus we are free to include anything we just plain enjoy, and hope that you find something enjoyable in each section.

Spreading jokes via the amazing Galaxy S Duos mobile phone is screen-touch smooth and easy - just use compatible earphone plugs for privacy.

Amusing Short Stories

Will and Guy love a good yarn; here is our collection of stories that bring a wry smile at the surreal setting, unexpected connection, or memorable punch line.  One of our favourite games-within-a-game, is to modify old jokes to different settings.

...(vr3)

Special Sections

Here are jokes, funny stories and interesting articles covering events throughout the year.  We have whole sections covering the major festivals, and single pages for the more specialized saints' days and zany anniversaries.

Also

Will and Guy's Humour

Will and Guy really believe that we have discovered the secret of a successful joke site - variety.  With normal joke sites and joke books, you get loads of pages all with the same theme.  The result is you soon get bored.  However, with our site you never know what type of joke, picture or story will follow next, thus you get a constant drip feed of fresh nuggets that will keep a smile on your face.

Examples of Will and Guy's Clean Jokes and Funny Stories

Schoolboy Howlers - A Rich Source of JokesGood clean jokes

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

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Funny Signs and Notices

SIGN IN A LAUNDROMAT:

Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

IN AN OFFICE:

After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

IN AN BETTING SHOP:

"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind." - Steve Allen

Whacked

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Tales from Travel Agents

Fastest Jet in America
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

Another good source of humour is newspaper small ads

  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.

Clean Yet Funny Jokes

Here is a selection of Will and Guy's humour for particular events.

How Will and Guy's Joke Site Evolved

Will Baker does most of the research in unearthing the humour featured on this site.  What pleases Will and me most, is that more and more people are beginning to contribute with jokes and funny stories.  We hope that you will keep returning to the site as the material is growing rapidly. Our mission is to provide a wealth, of clean yet funny jokes.  We are also committed to keeping this a free site for jokes.

It gives Will and me particular pleasure to thank Hannah, Sally and Jenny for their jokes, stories and funny pictures.  Other individual contributions are acknowledged on the appropriate page.

Suitability of Funny Jokes

Before I go any further, I would like to say a word about the suitability of these jokes for viewing.  In my opinion, there is nothing in the content that is unsuitable viewing.  My only concern about the content is, will you get the joke, not about the nature of the material.  Our goal is to record and relay humour without descending into the crude or the gratuitous insult.  I will let you into a secret, before publishing a page I apply the litmus test: 'Would my Aunt approve of this joke?'

Lastly, I would like to say again that Will has been the inspiration and has done all the hard work finding the funny jokes, I just load the pages up to the website.   As the site is about English humour, I have decided to use the English spelling, rather than the American humor.  That said, I hope that much of the humor or humour works in any culture.  Naturally, sometimes we have changed the names of people to protect the guilty.

We hope that you share Will and Guy's humour, see more about Us

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