Funny Chinese Food Stories
In Chinese cuisine Will and Guy have come across a famous Cantonese saying which states that "Anything that walks, swims, crawls, or flies with its back to heaven is edible."
It is not surprising that the Chinese have unusual diets. Here are a few examples of funny Chinese food:
Li Sanju claims to have survived for two years eating nothing but leaves and grass. The Chinaman from Niuwei village, Guangdong province, says he is perfectly happy with his unusual diet. He informed Will and Guy that he looks no different to other people in his village - but admits he does smell strongly of grass. 'I watched a TV programme which said a man can live more than 10 days without food but just water, so I thought I would try living on the natural things near my home,' he said.
At first, he tried eating grass in a field like cattle - but it tasted bitter and made him ill, we have found, 'I suspect that the field grass has been polluted by pesticides, so I changed to the plants in the mountain behind my house, and I never had any problem,' he added. 'I used to be known as a sick man in the village, always in hospital, but since I changed my diet, I've never been to see the doctors. Even the tumour on my right foot has disappeared.'
The Local Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital said most of the plants were edible and not toxic but he did not recommend Li's diet to us, which is a great relief.
Chinese Restaurants are Always Good for a Laugh
How much does a Chinese restaurant weigh? ............ Won Ton
Funny Chinese Food One-liners
Chen was extremely hungry, so he left work and went to a local snack bar where he bought a cake. When Chen had eaten the cake, he found that he was still famished, and so he ate a second one.
Even then he was not full up and promptly ate six cakes in succession, but he hadn't satisfied his hunger. Not until Chen had eaten the seventh cake did he feel satisfied.
Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret. 'Ah, if I had known this before, I would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have been enough and there would not have been any need to eat those six others.'
Huang Fu and the Bottle of Wine Parable
Huang Fu was a very rich man who was deliberately tough on his farmhand, Hop. Huang Fu gave Hop a bottle and said, 'Buy me a bottle of wine.'
Hop, the poor farmhand enquired, 'How can I buy you wine with no
money at all?'
Time elapsed and Hop eventually returned farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to Huang Fu and murmured, 'Enjoy the wine, please.'
Staring at the empty bottle with some dismay, Huang asked, 'There is
no wine, how can I enjoy this?'
Hop replied to Huang Fu, with a straight face, 'Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is none.'
Huang Fu made a choking sound but was unable to utter a word.
10 of the Best Chinese Proverbs
One evening, Bill and Jackson's wives decided to dine out a new Chinese Restaurant. Jackson's wife Julie was inseparable from her Pekingese dog called 'Pepe'. So Took took Pepe along with them to the restaurant. Whenever they went to their usual restaurant the manager's wife looked after Pepe while they ate, and they thought it would be no different this new restaurant.
Julie and her friend Rachel, gave Pepe to the owner and went to their seats. They ordered their meal, had a few drinks and eventually their meal arrived. They were mortified when it turned out to be their beloved Pepe surrounded by Chop Suey.
As the owner explained the next day to Bill and Jackson, they thought that Julie and Rachel wanted the chef to cook the dog, not look after it while the women dined.
In 2010 China are proposing a new law to ban eating dog meat. Despite being an ancient custom eating 'fragrant meat', as dog meat is euphemistically know, to be punished by a fine of up to 5,000 yuan (£450) and 15 days in jail.
From serving it with turtle to stewing it with snake, China has savoured the delights of dog and cat meat for thousands of years. But now, the country known for its experimental culinary traditions could be about to end a centuries-old custom and remove both animals from the menu.
As part of a drive against animal abuse parliament, will consider the bill at the National People's Congress, in April 2010. Those defending eating dog meat point to its value in Chinese medicine for kidney complaints. Fragrant meat is not universally liked in China, and its stronghold is in Jaingsu province in the south east of the country.
Arresting Barbeque in China
An escaped convict has been recaptured at a party organised at the local police station. Police in Xinzhu city, Taiwan, invited residents to celebrate the Moon Festival with them. Officers could not believe their eyes when they saw an escaped drug dealer called Chen, who had just been listed as one of the city's most wanted criminals, at the party. Police officer Cai Zhengtong, who was in charge of the barbecue, said, 'I saw a man dressed in an eye-catching yellow windbreaker enter the place and sit in the corner. He was enjoying the barbecue with the others. I really couldn't believe my eyes, since the man was just the criminal we were seeking.'
Police at the party quickly arrested Chen. He told officers he thought it would have been the last place police would have thought of looking for him.
20 Number 6 - Classic Chinese English Joke
It was Chinese New Year. Bill and Jackson had just staggered back home from a hard night's drinking when they noticed that a menu from the new restaurant next door had come through the letter box. On a whim they decided to round off the evening with a take-away. Jackson, was just off out of the door to fetch their meal when Bill turned to him and said, 'Please get me 20 number 6 while you're at the take-away.
Jackson returned with their chicken Chou Mein, sweet and sour pork and 20 portions of egg fried rice. Bill said, 'Where's me fags'. Jackson said, 'What cigarettes, you asked for 20 number 6 and that's what you've got, enough egg fried rice to feed a Chinese Junk from Shanghai to Hong Kong'.
Bill said, 'When I was last in England Embassy No 6 was a packet of fags.'
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