Funny Church Signs. In parking lot: Trespassers will be baptised.

The internet has captured many strange, hilarious and plain funny signs which are placed outside churches, primarily in the USA.

Here, Will and Guy have selected only a few of the best, cleverest and funniest statements to show as photos; further on you will read our favourite ten ridiculous and witty signs which will make you smile or even laugh.

Fear Not: Salvation is at Hand

Ten of The Best Witty and Funny Church Signs

Baptist or Methodist : Coffee or Chocolate

Churches in America are the most diverse in the world, you even get a choice of refreshment; we have their amusing Church signs.

America's Joyous Future?

Thanks to Kristen and Vanessa for the sign outside the Bethel Lutheran Church, Willowick, Ohio

There Again, Don't Let Worries Kill You

More Funny Church Notices

Every time I look at this picture of a church sign it makes me think at a different level.

Two Funny Church Signs that Almost got Away

Who Say's The Church is Out-of-date?

Unusual Church Sign - "Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell"

Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, 'You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.'

Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, 'And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n' roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters.'

'Thank you, Father Brian,' answers the young priest. 'I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.'

'All of these ideas have been well and good,' comments Father Brian wisely. But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.'

'But, Father Brian,' protests the young Father Karl, 'My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!'

'Indeed,' replies the elderly priest, 'And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, "Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell" cannot stay on the church roof.'

Rehearse The Church Service: A True Story

At a Methodist wedding ceremony at which Father Brian Hamilton was officiating, he was seen to raise his hand in order to give the final blessing at the end of the service.

Louise, the bride, totally misunderstood this gesture and surprised the vicar with a high-five.

Not wanting to exclude Mark, the groom, Father Brian also offered him a high-five.

Father Brian was eventually able to give the blessing, this time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.

Amusing, Witty, Jokey and Funny Church Signs from the UK

Statistics Don't Lie

How to stay safe in the world today: Where IS the safest place?

1. Avoid riding in automobiles - because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.

2. Do not stay home - 17% of all accidents occur in the home.

3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks - because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.

4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water - because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.

5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in Hospitals - so, above all else, avoid hospitals.

But . . . you will be pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders.

Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is at church!

And Bible study is safe too! The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.

So, attend church, and read your Bible. IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE!

GOD BLESS YOU!

[Kindly sent by Elena F.]

Funny Church Signs