Funny Sardar Jokes

Clean Funny Sardar Jokes in English

Will and Guy publish our favourite Sardar or Sadar-Ji jokes to entertain.  We seek to honour and to publicise Sikh humour, we do not mean to show any disrespect to the Sikh communities throughout the world.

• Introduction to Sardar Jokes
• Will and Guy's Ten Best Sardar Jokes
• How Can You be Sure Someone is a Sardar?
• More Clean Funny Sardar-Ji Jokes
• Sardars Love Their Cricket
• Funny Santa Banta Jokes

Introduction to Jokes a Sardar Would Tell

Sardar, is a Persian word which tends to be used for military or political leaders because the roots of the word mean commander, perhaps comparable to the English word, chieftain. In Pakistan, for example, the leaders of certain tribes have the title Sardar. [Balochi, Kashmiri, Pashtun, Punjabi, Seraiki, Sindhi].

However, in India the word often refers to a male follower of the Sikh faith; sometimes the word – Ji, is added and this denotes respect. Sometimes, in India, the Punjabi and Hindi: Sardar, is used derogatorily and he is considered as an "idiot" and the butt of many jokes perhaps rather in the same way as "blondes".

As can be seen elsewhere on our site Will and Guy deplore any form of racism, but we do understand the place of stereotypes in society. On this occasion we feel the same about Sardar humour. We see it rather like the attitude of say the Americans towards the Canadians; the English towards the Irish or the Scots. The Welsh towards the English. Elsewhere we find that "Poms" [British people] are the butt of Australian jokes. Belgians fall foul of the French; while The German deprecate the Dutch in their humour.

Will and Guy's Ten Best Sardar Jokes

1. Postman: I have had to walk 5 miles to deliver this packet.
   Aneel: Why did walk so far? You could have posted it.
2. Gatnam went to the sale at electrical shop and he found a bargain. 'I would like to buy this small TV,' he told the salesman.
   'Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,' he replied.
   
   So Gatnam hurried home, removed his turban, and changed his hair style and returned to repeat to the salesman, 'I would like to buy this TV.'
   
   'Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,' the salesman replied for a second time.
   'Damn! Gatnam exploded, 'he recognized me.'
   
   He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, different clothes, big sunglasses and he waited a few days until he saw the salesman again.
   'I would like to buy this TV.'
   
   'Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,' the salesman replied.
   Angry now and frustrated, Gatnam shouted, 'How do you know I'm a Sardar?'
   'Because that's a microwave,' he replied.
3. Jasbir visits an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
   Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.

4. Rasdeep goes into the kitchen and opens the cookie jar. He looks inside and closes it. His wife observes the whole episode and says nothing. Again Rasdeep enters the kitchen and does the same thing.
   
   His wife asks, Rasdeep, why are you doing that?'
   Rasdeep replies, 'The Doctor told to check my sugar level regularly.'

5. NASA was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.  However, on the day of the launch, something seemed to be wrong. The rocket made all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
   
   Finally, Manjit, a Sardar offered to help. The NASA scientists were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything.
   
   'Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right,' said Manjit in a serious voice. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
   
   'Bring it back to vertical position, the Manjit added. The engineers did.
   
   'Now start the engines,' instructed Manjit. The rocket took off and flew into space. Everybody thanked and congratulated Manjit and asked him how he knew what to do.
   
   He replied, 'It is very simple. This is what we always do with our Bajaj scooters in India.'
6. There were eleven people hanging onto a rope which was hanging from a from an aeroplane. Ten were Sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, then the rope would break and everyone would die.
   
   No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, 'I'll get off,' and she made a really moving speech.
   
   All of the Sardars started immediately applauding
7. Devindar went into The Bank of India and asked to open a current account. The cashier was surprised when Devindar left the building saying he would return after he had been to Delhi.
   When asked why he was visiting Delhi, he retorted that the application form said: 'Got be filled in CAPITAL.'
8. Santa was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to put in the column "Salary Expected".
   After much thought he wrote : Yes, please.
9. Sadhu : I haven't slept all night in the train.
   Friend: Why?
   
   Sadhu: I had an upper berth.
   Friend: Why didn't you exchange it?
   Sadhu: There was nobody in the lower bunk to change it with.
10. How Can You Be Sure Someone Is A Sardar?

• Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• Tries to drown a fish in water.
• Trips over a cordless phone.
• Thinks socialism means partying.
• Studies for a blood test and fails.
• Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• Puts lipstick on his forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application form where it says: "Sign Here", he puts 'Scorpio'.
• Sells the car for gas money.
• Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
• Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Funny Jokes a Sardar Tells - Kindly sent in by Charu Murali

1. Two Sardarjis are looking at an Egyptian mummy.
   Sardar 1: Look, so many bandages! Must be a pukka (real) lorry accident case.
   Sardar 2: Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!
2. Two Sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
   Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
   Sardar 2: Don’t worry, I have one more.
3. Sardar: What is the name of your car?
   Lady: I forgot the name, but it starts with 'T'.
   Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
4. Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!!
   Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!
5. At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
   Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head… Is he crying?
6. Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
   Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
   Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
   Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
7. Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
   Servant: It's already raining!
   Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!

More Clean Funny Sardar-Ji Jokes

Sardar Exam Student

Sardar Premdeep Singh is sitting his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pants, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

'Oye, I am only following the instructions,' Premdeep replies, 'it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."'

Something Missing?

Having lost his donkey Sardarji Uddam got down to his knees and started thanking God.

A passerby sees him and asks, So, your donkey is missing, what are you thanking God for?'

Uddam replies, 'I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I, too, would have been missing.'

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".

• My father grows beans, said Anil.
• My father cooks beans, said Ranjit.
• Then a little Sardarji, Narinder, spoke up, 'We are all human beans.'

Near Death Experience

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta.

As Banta Singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

Banta Singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.

Banta Singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta Singh was visiting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died.

'You know,' he said, 'Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.'

He unfolded the note and read aloud, 'Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube.'

Another good site for clean funny Sardar Jokes

Sardars Love Their Cricket

Cricket is the sport that Indian's are most passionate about as its probably the only sport, in India, where the national team does well from time-to-time. The Indian cricket team is worshipped when it wins, but when it loses it's time to tell jokes.

Will and Guy have selected their team of 11 favourites for you to enjoy.  Let it be known that all these jokes, could be used about Australian, English, or even Yorkshire cricket.  All you would need to do in our opinion is substitute the names Warne, Flintoff or Boycott as appropriate.

1. What does Harbajan Singh put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?  A bat.
2. Where do Indian Batsman perform there best?  In adverts.
3. When would Saurav Ganguly have 100 runs against his name?  When he is bowling.
4. What do you call an Indian player with 60 runs against his name?  A bowler
5. What would Ben Hilfenhaus be if he was an Indian?  An all-rounder.
6. What is the difference between an Indian batsman and an Australian one? 100 runs.
7. What is the Indian definition of optimism? Yuvraj Singh applying sunscreen on his face before he comes in to bat.
8. The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain.
       'You know,' he said, 'You've picked two men who should never be in the side.'
       'Oh really,' said the captain icily, 'and who's the other one?'
9. What is the Indian version of a hat-trick? 3 runs in 3 balls
10.  Suresh Shastri asked: 'I've never umpired a game before, do I run after the ball?'  No, run after the match!
11.  How should the Indian coach reshuffle the Indian batting order?  Move "Extras" up the order.

Fair Play

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody of the boy to the Indian Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.

Another Tranche of Clean Funny Sardar Jokes

Will and Guy continue our search for the best jokes Sardar (or should it be Sadar).  We do not mean to show any disrespect to the Sikh communities based in India or anywhere else in the world.  In fact, we have discovered that many of funniest Sadarji jokes originate not from Anglo Saxons, but from the Sikhs themselves.

Top 10 Books on Cricket - Each a Suitable Christmas Present for a Sardar-Ji

1. Foolproof Fielding - Saurav Ganguly
2. Evils of Gambling - Shane Warne and Mark Waugh
3. Diplomacy - Umpire Darrell Hair
4. Books from Geoffrey Boycott - Playing For Your Team; French Conversation Skills
5. The Catcher In The Deep - Venkatesh Prasad
6. A Tale Of Two Runs - Anil Kumble, Ajit Agarkar, Javagal Srinath and Venkatesh Prasad
7. Every Which Way But The Stumps - Indian fielders
8. Cheery Press Conferences I have known - Mohammed Azharuddin
9. Big Hitting - Rahul Dravid
10. Facing Fast Bowlers - Ajay Jadeja

A Clean Indian Cricket Story

After the shameful exit of Indian cricket team in the T20 WC Super 8 stage, the Indian team members were not able to show their faces to people openly and they chose rather just to pack up in hotel rooms in Mumbai.

Dhoni could not resist for too long to be in Mumbai and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a
Sardar and goes out. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him, 'Hi Dhoni.'

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a Muslim woman - in burkha and goes out. Yet same again, the same woman greets him, 'Hi Dhoni.'

Dhoni comes back determined to give it yet another try with the makeup of a Hippie wig and shorts. All in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him, 'Hi Dhoni.'

Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, 'How do you keep recognizing me?'

The lady replied, 'I am Yuvraj the Bhangra Machine.'

Funny Santa Banta Jokes

Santa and Banta are often two Sardarji's who are good friends. Most of time each of them tries to outsmart the other and this creates humour. Most of their conversations are funny and are called Santa Banta jokes.

Santa Buys Curtains

Santa enters a shop that sell curtains. He announces to Gurdaya, the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of green curtains.'

The salesman assures him that they had a large selection of green curtains. Gurdaya shows him several patterns, but Santa seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a smashing green floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he requires.

Santa replies, 'Fifteen inches.'

'Fifteen inches? ' explodes Gurdaya. 'That sounds a very small amount, what room are they for?'

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

Gurdaya, an extremely surprised salesman replies, 'But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"'

Santa says, 'Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows.'

Santa Buys A Hearing Aid

Santa, hard of hearing, realises that he needs to buy a hearing aid, but he feels unwilling to spend too much money.

'How much do they cost?' he asks Manbir, the shopkeeper.

'That depends,' says. Manbir, 'They run from £20 to £2,000.'

'Let's see the £20 model,' asks Santa.

Manbir puts the device around Santa's neck instructing, 'You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.'

'How does it work?' Santa inquires.

'For only £20 it doesn't work," Manbir replies, 'But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!'

Santa Has A Funny Dream

Santa kept having the same strange dream every night, so he made an appointment to see a doctor.

Doctor Ajaib: What was your dream about?

Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!

Doctor Ajaib: [smiling to himself] So... what is the scenery like?

Santa: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor Ajaib: Then what happened?

Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor Ajaib: Does the door have anything written on it?
Santa: Yes it does.

Doctor: And what do these letters say?

Santa: It says, "Pull."

Santa and The Lottery Ticket

Banta finds himself in considerable trouble. His business has gone bust and he has serious financial concerns. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray:
'Oh God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.'

Lotto night arrives and somebody else wins it.

Banta goes back to the temple, 'God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'

Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!! Back to the temple he goes.
'God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?'

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Banta is confronted by the voice of the Lord, 'OYE BANTA, YOU HAVE TO BUY THE TICKET FIRST.'

Santa and the Clock

Santa is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. s Santa says agrees.

'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.' The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Santa figures he has been made a fool by that man.

On the next day Santa is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. 'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.'

Santa gives him the thousand and says, 'Oye, I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder.'

Santa Visits A Bar

Santa goes into a bar in New York.

The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.'

The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.'

Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.'

Santa Goes To School

Santa returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father, 'Dad, today we had a spelling class. All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?'
'No son, that's because you are intelligent.'

Santa seemed content with the answer, asks his father another question, 'Dad, today we had Maths class. All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ?'
'No son, that's because you are intelligent,' replies his father.

Happy with the answer, Santa poses another question to his father, 'Dad, today we had medical examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar ?'
The father replies, 'No son, that's because you are 33 years old.'

Santa and the Wedding

Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.

Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the "RSVP " was missing .

The printer was surprised by Jeeto's knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.

Jeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, 'Vait! I remember. I remember. RSVP. It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present."'  See more Santa Banta jokes

Reminder of the Origins of the Word Sardar

Sardar is a Persian word for a tribal leader or chieftain (Sar meaning leader, dar meaning possessor).  This derivation is also spelt Sirdar and sometimes has -Ji appended, which confers respect when addressing the leader.  In the nineteenth centaury the military connotation became well established, indeed the commander of the Anglo-Egyptian army had the title Sirdir.

In more modern times Sikh men would call themselves Sardar as Englishmen called themselves Mister, for example, Sardar Bhagat Singh.

There is also a small town called Sardar, but it's in Afghanistan and not in India or Pakistan.

Footnote:
Please send us your clean, funny Sardarji jokes in English.

See examples of international jokes, humour and funny pictures ....

• Funny international jokes   • An Englishman, Irishman  • English jokes   • Engrish   • Sardarji jokes

• Speak Chinese   • Funny Chinese jokes   • Speak New Zealand   • Franglais examples

• Scottish humour   • Welsh tales   • Irish tall stories   • World-wide jokes   • Jewish jokes