Will and Guy have learned that the expression senior moment was
apparently coined in America in the mid-nineties, but has become more
widely used in the UK during the past couple of years.
Originating with specific reference to seniors or senior
citizens - people aged sixty or over - it has now entered more
general use and can be applied in any situation where someone experiences
a momentary lapse of memory, regardless of their age.
The term highlights the idea that our brains simply weren't built to
cope with the information overload and stress generated by life in the
21st century.
An absent-minded activity, like putting your furniture polish in the
fridge or your prepared casserole in the cupboard, can also be referred to
as a senior moment.
Will's wife once put the roast beef in the top oven,
of a two oven cooker, set the timer for the bottom oven
and went out shopping expecting, on her return, a cooked joint of
meat.........................no. Baked beans on toast were the order of that day!
Archie, aged 88, has a problem with his house. It has two storeys. It
has stairs. When he use the stairs, Archie stops midway to catch his
breath. His main problem is that, when he is ready to start again, Archie
is unable to remember whether he was going upstairs or downstairs.
Old Hat
A letter to a national UK newspaper in the 1950's declared: 'My
grandfather, who is 87, has been converted to nudism. He sits all day long
in the greenhouse without a stitch on except for his hat. When I asked him
what he wants with a hat on if he's a nudist he hits out at me with his
walking stick and hollers, "Because I'm bald."
A Hand for the Bish
In his later life, a former Bishop of Lincoln, UK, found himself having
difficulty rising from a park bench where he had stopped to take the
weight off his feet. After struggling ineffectively, he was delighted when
a little girl offered a helping hand.
'That's very kind of you my dear,' he told her, 'But are you really
strong enough?'
'Oh yes, the child retorted, 'I've often helped my daddy when he was
much drunker than you.'
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park
bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee.'
I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite
biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest
of the afternoon.'
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'
I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'
He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'
Embarrassment
You don't really know the meaning of embarrassment until your hip
replacement sets off a metal detector at the airport.
Apparently this is a true story:
When WC Fields, the actor, was in his dotage he was seen to be reading
the Bible by a close friend who demanded to know what he was looking for.
Old George, told Guy only last week that, 'I'm not 80
- I'm merely 28 with 52 years' experience.'
Growing old is like being penalised for a crime you haven't committed.
Will says, 'I don't drink anymore, I can get the same feeling from
standing up quickly.'
Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough. - Groucho
Marx
During a tour in South Wales, UK, playing to the former mining
communities with enormous success. Dame Sybil Thorndike found herself at a
reception at a place called Tenby in Dyfed, Wales.
She was introduced to the assembly as the guest of honour by a rather
senile vicar who said, ' I am delighted to have the pleasure of welcoming
to our town Dame Sybil, a famous member of the oldest profession in the
world.'
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A former Sheriff of Doncaster, Yorkshire, UK had a particularly
irksome, long and tiring day carrying out his civic duties.
That evening he came to blows, and was later fined £20, [$30.50 USD],
for confronting a "canoodling couple" outside his bedroom window while he
was trying to sleep.
In the court the evidence presented put the ages of the couple
canoodling as 77 and 83.
Mr Henry Allingham, the former world's oldest living man, says he
reached the ripe old age of 113 thanks to a lot of things other people
tell you to avoid.
Old Flame?
Two elderly guests, Martin and Chris, attended a party given by a
business associate to mark his daughter's engagement to a man she had been
living with for three years, were grumbling about the decline in moral
standards.
'All these people sleeping together before they're married,' Martin
muttered indignantly. 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married.
Did you?'
'I don't know,' answered Chris thoughtfully. 'What was her maiden
name?'
More Senior Moment Snippets
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for
it. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage
door opener.
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease ... that's when your chest
is falling into your drawers.
I'm the life of the party - even if it lasts until 8 pm.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps - with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am
going.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're
saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and
over..............
I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting,
crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians
and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when
did they let kids become policemen?
And, how can my kids
be older than I feel sometimes?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be
alive at 150?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts - I've just lost the key to the
storeroom door.
Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my
life.
Visiting Doctor Ross last month Paula, a long retired schoolteacher,
explained in some detail her problems while he listened very patiently.
'Now, Paula,' said Doctor Ross, 'you say you have shooting pains in your
neck, aching knees, frequent dizzy spells, and constant nausea. Just for the
record, how old are you?'
'Ah, yes,' Paula spoke brightly, 'I'll be 49 on my next birthday.'
'Really?' commented the doctor quietly, 'I see you have slight
memory loss, too.'
One day a police panda car pulled up to Granny's
home and Grampy got out. The constable explained that this elderly gentlemen had said he was lost in the Victoria park.
'Why, Ivor, 'said Granny, 'You've been going there for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?'
Leaning close to Granny so the police officer couldn't
hear, he whispered, 'Wasn't
exactly lost. I was just
too tired to walk home.'
Footnotes: Please send us your funny senior moments.
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