One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was
asked by his tribal elders if the winter of 20010/11 was going to be cold
or mild. The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost
touch with the reading signs from the natural world around the Great
Lakes.
In truth, neither of them had idea about how to predict the coming
winter. However, the chief decided to take a modern approach, and
the chief rang the National Weather Service in Gaylord Michigan.
'Yes, it is going to be a cold winter,' the meteorological officer
told the chief. Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told
the men to collect plenty of firewood.
A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for
an update. 'Are you still forecasting a cold winter?' he asked.
'Yes, very cold', the weather officer told him.
As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the
tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.
A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more
and asked about the coming winter. 'Yes,' he was told, 'it is going to
be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied: 'Because the Native Americans of the Great
Lakes are collecting wood like crazy.'
Weather-obsessed British people spend on average six months of their
lives talking about whether it's going to rain or shine, according to a
survey published recently.
Speculation about whether it's going to be wet, complaints about the cold
and murmurings about the heat are also the first points of conversation with
strangers or colleagues for 58% of Britons, it recorded. The study of 2,018
adults by pollsters found Britons talk about the weather for about 2 days
[49 hours] every year and the subject comes up more often than work, what is
on television, sport or gossip.
19% of over 65s questioned also believe they can predict the weather as
well as a professional weatherman.
The most usual explanation for the British fascination with weather is
that it is so changeable here say Will and Guy; although this does not
explain why other meteorogically-challenged countries do not appear to be
similarly interested.
Your Brolly - Or Your Life
St Swithin's Day - 15th of July
St. Swithin's day if thou dost rain
For forty days it will remain
St. Swithin's day if thou be fair
For forty days 'twill rain nae mair. (no more)
Guy could not see the hand on the right, Will then told me to look for
the large thumb to the right.
»
Funny Tall Tornado Tale
In the state of Kansas, USA, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation
and without warning.
One case, brought to Will and Guy's notice, involved a house which was
completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor.
A silver-haired farm lady, Mrs Rhona Seibert, was seen sitting dazed, in
a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The
rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt.
Mrs Seibert was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. 'It
was the most amazing thing ... it was the most amazing thing.' she kept
repeating dazedly.
'What was the most amazing thing, Ma' am?' asked one of the rescuers.
'I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull
the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away.'
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Howard Sherlock ran up a
terrible record of forecasting for the TV news programmes. He became
something of a local joke when the Western Echo newspaper began keeping a
record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three
hundred times in a single year.
Obviously that kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
Howard Sherlock moved to another part of the country and applied for a
similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for
leaving his previous position.
Sherlock wrote, 'The climate didn't agree with me.'
WEATHER THE WEATHER
Whether the weather be fine Or whether the weather be not,
Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll
weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or
not.
On the rare occasions that we do get snow in the UK all the drivers go crazy. You will see cars sliding here, slewing there, not even the pavements are safe.
I was talking with Sven, a Norwegian, and asking why Scandinavian drivers are so safe and so good and rally driving in the ice. He told me, 'Guy, we are all just as crazy as you Brits for a week, then we
get used to the snowy conditions and drive with soft feet and gentle hands'.
Here is Will and Guy's climate report for Thanksgiving Day in general,
and for turkeys in particular.
Early Morning Thanksgiving Day The temperature of turkeys will gradually rise throughout Thanksgiving
day. However, at dawn when the birds stare at the frost in their
chiller compartment, the ambient temperature may only be 10 ºF.
By 10 o'clock the turkeys will start to thaw as they see the light of day.
At about 11 o'clock a warm Chinook wind from the fan oven will raise their
temperature rapidly to 200 ºF.
Mid-day Heat By 12 o'clock the cook's temperature may
well reach fever levels. Furthermore, you may also notice an increase
in humidity especially in the kitchen. In these turbulent conditions,
Moms may
be surrounded by an area of high wind-chill, the result maybe a cold shoulder
for you. Beware, pestering one's mother too much may lead to a tornado in the
kitchen.
Afternoon Forecast By about 2:30 pm the warm weather
condition will have stabilized, and as a result the turkey
will have tanned nicely. Now a steel carving knife will cut across the
bird's flanks, and
slices of turkey will descend on the guests' plates.
A precipitation of cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes will make the
plates slippery. You may also experience a gentle drizzle from the
gravy boat. This should also be accompanied by a heavy fall of a
lighter liquid into your wine glass.
Evening Rumble of Thunder Pressure may increase
drastically around the waist band, consequently, storm warnings have been
issued about indigestion. The evening will see the turkey diminishing to
leftovers that can then be distributed to all the guests. As the day
draws to a close you may experience turbulent conditions in the stomach.
Good news, the outlook is that by the weekend the rumble of thunder in the
intestine will pass.
Mexico What is the Mexican weather report? Chilli today and hot tamale.
Coast clear? A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, 'Hello? How the heck do I know? What do you think I am, a weatherman?'He then slammed the
phone down and settled into bed.'
Who was that?'
asked his wife. 'I don't
know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.'
Monday Blues There's
a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows
two rainy days. It's
called Monday.
British Summer Time Summer in the UK usually: Hallo, did you have a good Summer? Yes indeed, we had a great barbeque that afternoon.
Nightmares? One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring
hug. 'I can't
dear, 'she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's
room.'
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, 'The big sissy.'
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