Funny Mother in Law Jokes

Funny Mother in Law Jokes

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Funny Mother in Law Jokes

• Funny, Witty, Clean Mother-in law One-liners
• Will and Guy's Favourite Mother-in-law Joke
• Short Mother in law Jokes
• Solomon Delivers Justice to Mother in Law
• More Clever, Witty and Funny Mother-in Law Jokes

Funny, Witty, Clean Mother-in law One-liners

• A pharmacist tells a customer, 'In order to buy arsenic you need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.'
• My mother-in-law is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder.
• Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
• What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are Wanted. 
• I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's chamber of horrors and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stocktaking.'
• Fred and Rick were in a pub. Fred says to his mate, 'My mother-in-law is an angel.'
  Rick replies, 'You're lucky. Mine is still alive.'

Will and Guy's Favourite Mother-in-law Joke

Harry was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a large group of people outside a farmhouse.

It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men was gathered there.

The farmer replied, 'Eddie's donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.'

'Well,' replied the man, 'She must have had a lot of friends.'

'Nope,' said Giles.' We all just want to buy his donkey.'

Short Mother in law Jokes

Overheard in a restaurant:
She: This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.
He: Are you describing the wine or your mother?

Open Door Policy
The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step.
She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?'

I said, 'Sure you can.' And shut the door.

Newlywed Surprise
The newlywed wife, Monica, said to her husband , Nick, when he returned from work, 'I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two.'

Nick started glowing with happiness and kissing Monica purred, 'Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world.'

Monica smiled and added, 'I'm glad that you feel that way, Nick, because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us.'

Final Complaint
Tomorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it.

Paul: I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law died. What was the complaint?

Phil: We haven't had any yet.

Care for Your Mother-in-law
A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.'

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?'

The man replied, 'a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'

Solomon Delivers Justice to Mother in Law

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. 'This young man agreed to marry my daughter,' said one.

'No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,' said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence.

'Bring me my biggest sword,' said Solomon, 'and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.'

'Sounds good to me,' said the first lady.
But the other woman said, 'Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him.'

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. 'This man must marry the first lady's daughter,' he proclaimed.
'But she was willing to hew him in two!' exclaimed the king's court.

'Indeed,' said wise King Solomon. 'That shows she is the true mother-in-law.'

More Clever, Witty and Funny Mother-in Law Jokes

Psychic Mother in law
When Roger came home, his wife, Norma, was crying. 'Your mother insulted me,' she sobbed.

'My mother?' spluttered Roger, 'How could she do that when she is on holiday on the other side of the world?'

'I know.' Norma gulped, 'But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.'

'And?'

'At the end of the letter it was written: Dear Norma , When you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son, Roger.'

Murphy's Law?  No.  Mother in law's Choice
Alexis, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.  He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, 'Okay Mother dear, guess which one I'm going to marry.'

She immediately replies, 'The one on the right.'

'That's amazing, Ma. You're correct. How did you know?'

The mother replies, 'I don't like her.'

Unwanted Gift
A constantly nagged and harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year Christmas came again and this year he didn't buy her any present.

His mother-in-law was upset and asked the son-in-law why was she forgotten this time.

The angry son-in-law responded, 'Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year.'

Help Mother in Law
Louise, a young wife came home one day and found her mother standing in a bucket of water with her finger stuck in the light socket.

Ian, her young husband was standing by the switch.

'Hello, darling,' greeted the mother, 'Ian has had this marvellous idea for curing my rheumatism.'

Footnote:
Please send us your funny mother in law jokes.

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