Funny Tour de France Jokes

Funny Tour de France Jokes

• Funny Short Tour de France Jokes
• French Dope Testing Methods Revealed

How I beat Lance Armstrong

'I don't remember you ever beating Lance Armstrong' commented Eric, the Sun journalist. 'When would that have occurred?'  'In the seventh stage of the Tour de France in 2002, I beat him over the head with my water bottle - but he still won the tour!'

Funny Short Tour de France Jokes

1. The hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle is the road.
2. Learn to ride a bicycle.  You will not regret it if you live. – Mark Twain
3. 'I've really had it with my dog,' said Shelagh to her neighbour. 'He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.
   Hmmm, that is a problem,' said the neighbour. 'What are you thinking of doing about it?'
   'Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike,' answered Shelagh.
4. Two pieces of black tarmac are standing chatting at the bar, when in walks a piece of green tarmac.
   
   The piece of green tarmac demands a pint of bitter from the landlord in a menacing manner, downs it in one, slams his money on the bar and walks out.
   
   The landlord turns to the two pieces of black tarmac and says, 'Well I'm glad he didn't cause any trouble - I've heard he's a bit of a cyclepath.'
5. Did you hear about the idiot who won the Tour De France?  He did a lap of honour.

An Alternative View: French Dope Testing Methods Revealed
Thanks to Terry C Wise

Anti French Sentiment [Not supported by Will and Guy]
CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 7th Tour de France title.  In a random check for banned substances, three were found in Armstrong's hotel room.

The 3 substances banned by the French, that were found in Lance's hotel room were as follows:

1. Toothpaste
2. Deodorant 
3. Soap

How I beat Lance Armstrong

'I don't remember you ever beating Lance Armstrong' commented Eric, the Sun journalist. 'When would that have occurred?'  'In the seventh stage of the Tour de France in 2002, I beat him over the head with my water bottle - but he still won the tour!'

The Devil Rides with the Tour de France

The Tour attracts massive crowds with all kinds of people, supporters, exhibitionists and eccentrics:

The photo of the devil was taken by Bogdan Cristel and Le Diable is known as Didi and is a common sight on the tour de France.

Comedian Borat in the Tour de France

French Jokes

• La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels.
• Chaussée déformer - Potholes, uneven road.
• Coup de grace - A lawn mower.
• The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know. - P.J O'Rourke

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