Short and Funny Christmas Poems

Short and Funny Christmas Poems

Will and Guy bring you a collection of Christmas poems, a few are funny, other are just fun, while the rest are Christmassy.  We wanted to created a little oasis where we could tell the Christmas story through poetry.

• Funny Christmas Poems
• Short Christmas Poems
• A Somewhat Jaundiced View of Christmas Rhymes
• Ode To the Christmas Tree Angel
• Religious Christmas Poems
• A Puppy's Christmas Poem
• Frosty The Snowman
• The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

Funny Christmas Poems

Full of the Christmas Spirit
By Paul Curtis

Come Christmas day
I will be full of Christmas spirit
Buck fizz with my breakfast
Is only the start of it
Then a sherry with the vicar
After the candles have been lit
And aperitif before lunch
Maybe Vodka or a Gin and it
Wine with every course
Brandy when the pudding is lit
Liqueur with coffee
Then more brandy as we sit
Then when the day is over
I whish shoe a ferry Hacky Fhrismit

Christmas Cheer
By Paul Curtis

I went to the pub with my brother
For a Christmas, lunchtime drink
While my wife cooked the dinner
And washed up at the sink
We got thrown out at 4 o'clock
Full of Christmas cheer and gin
We got home ready for Christmas lunch
And found it in the bin.

Away in a Manger

Away in a Manger
No Crib for a bed
Social Services have been notified!

I'm Walking Backwards for Christmas
Funny Christmas Poem by Spike Milligan

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea,
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the only thing for me.

I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front,
But people just look at me,
And say it's a publicity stunt.

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
To prove that I love you.

An immigrant lad, loved an Irish colleen
From Dublin Galway Bay.
He longed for her arms,
But she spurned his charms,
And sailed o'er the foam away

She left the lad by himself, on his own
All alone, a-sorrowing
And sadly he dreamed, or at least that's the
way it seemed, buddy,
That an angel choir did sing -
An angel choir did sing.

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the finest thing for me.

And so I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front.
But people just laughed, and said,
"It's a publicity stunt".

So I'm walking backwards for Christmas
To prove that I love you. 

See more on Spike Milligan

Short Christmas Poems

Christmas Message - To You

The wish is old,
The wish is true,
A merry Christmas,
My friends, to You.

The Nicest Present
By Joanna and Karl Fuchs

Under the tree the gifts enthrall,
But the nicest present of them all
Is filling our thoughts with those who care,
Wanting our Christmas joy to share.

To you, whom we're often thinking of,
We send our holiday joy and love.

What Do We Love About Christmas?
Poem by Joanna Fuchs

What do we love about Christmas;
Does our delight reside in things?
Or are the feelings in our hearts
The real gift that Christmas brings.

It's seeing those we love,
And sending Christmas cards, too,
Appreciating people who bring us joy
Special people just like you.

Fall of the Snowman
Poem by Paul Curtis

Here is a thought of little worth
Snowmen start their fall to earth
From Heaven above unassembled
And like a snow globe it resembled
But if a snowman were then desired
Some assembly would be required

Longfellow

'I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Nearly a Short Christmas Poem

If I could write words
Like leaves on an autumn forest floor,
What a bonfire my letters would make.
If I could speak words of water,
You would drown when I said
"I love you."

A Somewhat Jaundiced View of Christmas Rhymes

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before the open sleigh is deemed safe for members of the public.  It must also be considered whether it is appropriate to employ only one horse for this activity, depending on size of sleigh and the persons upon it.  Note that permission from landowners must be gained prior to entering fields. Please also consider those who choose not to participate in Christmas festivities, and keep laughter to a moderate level not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

Requiring shepherds to watch their flocks without appropriate and flexible seating arrangements is a contravention of health and safety regulations and human rights.  The provision of benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs is recommended.  The angel of the Lord is also reminded that before shining his or her glory around it must be ascertained that all shepherds are issued with suitable eyewear conforming to British Standards for filtering the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and glory.

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

Strict guidelines issued by the RSPCA [Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] must be adhered to at all times in relation to the heaviness of the load that Donkey is permitted to carry. A twenty-minute uninterrupted rest break is a statutory requirement per six hours of plodding. It is considered unlawful and an infringement of equine rights for said Mr. Donkey to be referred to in terms bearing relation to his stature which may be perceived to carry negative connotations by Mr Donkey or a third party. Please also note that due to the risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles.

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain Following yonder star

Navigation by yonder stars is not advised and we would politely suggest that traversing kings make use of satellite navigation or a recognised internet route-finder prior to commencing their journey. This will ensure the quickest route and most optimal journey with regard to fuel consumption is identified. In addition, whilst the gift of gold is considered acceptable, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of allergic reaction caused by such oils and fragrances. A suitable alternative may be a gift voucher.

 Classic Poems for Christmas

Ode To the Christmas Tree Angel

The time had come around again it was time to get our tree
In the car we piled us boys, my sister on mum's knee
Out into the country, dad drove for miles and miles
When at last he found the place, we could not contain our smiles.

Dad headed to the tall pine trees, his sharpest axe in hand
Dutiful behind him trailed his merry little band
At last he spied the one he sought, a sapling straight and tall
"This will please your mum" he said, indeed it pleased us all.

With swift clean strokes he had in no time cut it down
We placed the tree atop the car and headed back to town
The decorating of the tree this year would be supervised by Mum
The final piece, "The Angel" would be placed by the youngest one.

This year my baby brother would be helped by sis and me
But as we lifted baby up we tripped and fell into the tree
Tangled in the trimmings we rode the tree as down it came
Mid tears and cries right through the lounge room window pane.

I carried on tradition with my children every year
But when it came to "Angel" time up came a nagging fear
Of breaking glass and angels wings and the message that it sent
To place my tree in a great big pot in reinforced cement!

Religious Christmas Poems

Christmas Tree Gospel

There once was a shining Christmas tree
Standing out where all could see.
Its brilliance captured very eye
And seemed to cheer each passer-by.

"The lights are so bright", they would say
And hesitate to walk away.
The tree stood proud ablaze with light
For every light was burning bright.

Then one bulb was heard to say
"I'm tired of burning night and day;
I think I'11 just go out and rest
For I'm too tired to do my best;
Besides, I am so very small
I doubt if I'd be missed at all."

Then a child lovingly touched the light

"Look, mother, this one shines so very bright.
I think of all the lights upon the tree
This one looks the best to me."

"Oh my goodness," said the light
"I almost dimmed right out of sight.
I thought perhaps no one would care
If I failed to shine my share."
With that a glorious brilliance came
For every light had felt-the same.

Our Gospel, like this Christmas tree

With little lights which are you and me

We each have a space that we must fill
With love, and lessons and good will.
Let's keep our tree ablaze with light
With testimonies burning bright.

For our Gospel is a living tree
That lights the way to eternity.

Twas' the Night Jesus Came

Twas' the night Jesus came
and all through the house,
Not a person was praying,
not one in the house.

The Bible was left
on the shelf without care,
It's hopes and it's promises
all buried there.

The children were dressing
to crawl into bed,
not once ever kneeling
or bowing their head.

And Mom in her rocker
with baby on her lap,
was watching the Late Show
while I took a nap.

When out of the east
there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet
to see what's the matter.

Away to the window
I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters
and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but Angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.

More rapid than eagles,
with lightning they came,
And trumpets proclaiming
and praising his name.

The light of His face
made me cover my head,
it was Jesus returning here
just like He'd said.

And though I possessed
great wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him
in spite of myself.

In the Book of Life
which he held in his hand,
was written the name
of every saved man.

He spoke not a word
as he searched for my name,
when He said "it's not here"
My head hung in shame.

The people who's names were written with love,
He gathered to take to his Father above.

And then in a twinkling
they rose without sound,
All of His chosen
were now Heaven bound.

I fell to my knees
but it was too late,
I waited too long
thus sealing my fate.

I stood and I cried
as they rose out of sight,
Oh, if only I'd know
that this was the night.

And then I awoke,
this dream, ....such a fright.
Twas' the night BEFORE Jesus came
There's still time to get right!

A Puppy's Christmas Poem

It's the day before Christmas
And all through the house
The puppies are squeaking
An old rubber mouse.

The wreath which had merrily
Hung on the door
Is scattered in pieces
All over the floor.

The stockings that hung
In a neat little row
Now boast a hole in
Each one of the toes.

The tree was subjected
To bright-eyed whims,
And now, although splendid,
It's missing some limbs.

I catch them and hold them.
"Be good", I insist.
They lick me, then run off
To see what they've missed.

And now as I watch them
The thought comes to me,
That theirs is the spirit
That Christmas should be.

Should children and puppies
Yet show us the way,
And teach us the joy
That should come with this day?

Could they bring the message
That's written above,
And tell us that, most of all
Christmas is love.

Anonymous

Frosty The Snowman - Lyrics by Steve 'Jack' Rollins and Steve Nelson

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say,
He was made of snow but the children
Know how he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in that
Old silk hat they found.
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around.
O, Frosty the snowman
Was alive as he could be,
And the children say he could laugh
And play just the same as you and me.

Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Frosty go.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Over the hills of snow.

In 1950 Gene Autry and the Cass Country Boys recorded 'Frosty the Snowman'.  Other artists have made cover versions including Ella Fitzgerald and The Jackson 5.

Some versions have an extra verse.

Frosty the snowman knew
The sun was hot that day,
So he said, 'Let's run and
We'll have some fun
Now before I melt away.'
Down to the village,
With a broomstick in his hand,
Running here and there all
Around the square saying,
Catch me if you can.

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler 'Stop!'
For Frosty the snow man
Had to hurry on his way,
But he waved goodbye saying,
'Don't you cry,
I'll be back again some day.'

Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Frosty go.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Over the hills of snow.

Frosty the Snowman is a popular Christmas song written by Steve 'Jack' Rollins and Steve Nelson and recorded by Gene Autry and the Cass County Boys in 1950. Like Jingle Bells and several other songs about winter, Frosty the Snowman is considered to be a Christmas song despite not mentioning Christmas at all. It was written after Gene Autry recorded 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' and the single sold 2 million copies.

A Longer Christmas Poem by Ogden Nash

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus

In Baltimore there lived a boy,
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.
In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.

He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked ' No Admittance' .
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.
Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying ' Boo!' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.

Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes, 'There isn't any Santa Claus!' Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild: 'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!' Slunk like a weasel or a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot, 'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas Eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared to hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.
He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.

What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of ' Don't , 'and ' Pretty please.' He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'

'Jabez, 'replied the angry saint, 'It isn't I, it's you that ain't .
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!' Said Jabez with impudent vim, 'Oh, yes there is; and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't ' And suddenly he found he wasn't !

From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.
The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

Alternative Ending to Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

......After
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus, beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who told the saint off; the child who got him, licked his paint off.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny or short Christmas poems. 

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