Funny Santa Claus pictures Father Christmas jokes. Ogden Nash poem

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Will and Guy's Humour - Funny Santa Claus Pictures and Jokes

We have collected pictures of Santa Claus in variety costumes and at different locations.

Santa Claus Pictures and Jokes

Santa's Outfit

How do you know Father Christmas has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

Funny Santa Pictures - Santa's Misfortunes

Santa Claus' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my toboggan, please?'

An aeroplane was flying over the jungle when the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.

All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?' (You've guessed it - out of a Christmas cracker)

If you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.

Santas IN training for Christmas Day

Santa OUT of training

Santa NEVER been in training!

The above picture of Santa Claus was taken on a beach in Puri India. It was created by students and artists in December 2007

Speeding Santa

The German newspaper Munster am Sonntagg reports that a speeding Santa will have to find a new way to deliver his presents this year after German police have prosecuted him and he has received a driving ban.

Bernhard Siewert, 36, was stopped by road traffic police near Munster while dressed as Father Christmas. He said he was only speeding because he was late for a festive party at an OAPs home where he had to give out presents.

The police officers said they had caught him on camera driving at 92 mph in a 60 mph zone and could not ignore the law even for Santa.

Santa Sacked for Smacking Boy

A Santa Claus is facing the sack from a Dutch shopping centre after he smacked a young boy for pulling his beard.

Peter Hendriks hit the boy on the backside in front of dozens of shoppers in the town of Rijswijk. Defending his actions, he said: 'If I hadn't done that, he would have pulled off my beard and dozens of children would have been traumatised.'

Golden Santa

This pure gold statue of Santa Claus weights 20 kilos, Santa even has 10 gold coins in his belt. It was created by Ginza Tanaka and is offered on sale for 200 million yen ($1.8 million). Tanaka’s company took 3 months to fashion the statue. Rumour has it that he created 2 or even 3 of these pure gold Santas. It is difficult to judge its size from the picture, but Santa stands about 40 centimetres, those lucky enough to live in Tokyo can see the statue in the Shinsaibashi district of Osaka.

Santa banned from markets in Austria and Germany Santa banned in Germany

The move in Vienna has been followed by Christmas markets across Austria and Germany where St Nicholas is the traditional bearer of Christmas gifts. Bettina Schade, from the Frankfurter Nicholas Initiative in Germany commented, 'We object to the material things, the hectic rush to buy gifts, and the ubiquity of the bearded man in the red suit that are taking away from the core meaning of Christmas.

A Vienna city hall spokesman added that Santa Claus is an English language creation, people who want to see him should go to America where I am sure Coca Cola will be happy to oblige. 'The Christian origins of Christmas, like the birth of Jesus, have receded into the background. It's becoming more and more a festival that is reduced to simply worldly gifts and commerce.'

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

In Baltimore there lived a boy,
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.
In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.

He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked ' No Admittance' .
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.
Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying ' Boo!' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.

Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes, 'There isn't any Santa Claus!' Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild: 'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!' Slunk like a weasel or a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot, 'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas Eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared to hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.
He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.

What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of ' Don't , 'and ' Pretty please.' He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'

'Jabez, 'replied the angry saint, 'It isn't I, it's you that ain't .
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!' Said Jabez with impudent vim, 'Oh, yes there is; and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't ' And suddenly he found he wasn't ! The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.
The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus, beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who told the saint off; the child who got him, licked his paint off.

Funny Santa Claus Pictures