Funny Santa Claus Pictures

Will and Guy's Humour - Funny Santa Claus Pictures and Jokes

We have collected funny pictures of Santa Claus in variety costumes at different locations.

Santa Claus Pictures and Jokes

• Santa's Misfortunes
• Santa Claus - In training for Christmas day
• Speeding Santa
• Santa Sacked for Smacking Boy
• Golden Santa
• Santa Banned from Markets in Austria
• The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

Santa's Outfit

How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

10 Reasons Why Women Would Like to Be Santa Claus

1. There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
2. No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work.
3. Buy one big brown belt and you'd be accessorized for life.
4. You'd always work in sensible footwear.
5. You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
6. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss.
7. Juggling work and family would be easy.  All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap.
8.  You'd never take the wrong coat on your way home.
9. You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus.
10.  No one would ask to see your job description

Funny Santa Claus Pictures - Santa's Misfortunes

Santa Loses Elf

Santa Calls for Reinforcements

'Hello, is that the Employment Agency?   You have made a terrible mistake ..... I asked for 10 elves.'

Elf and Safety Course for Santa Claus

Father Christmases are being sent on health and safety courses in the UK so they don't hurt themselves while balancing children on their knees.

Will and Guy have discovered that classes will include the correct posture to adopt in their chairs as excited youngsters queue to reel off their Christmas lists. Santa will also be taught how to lift heavy presents without doing himself an injury.

Dozens of the one-day courses are being staged by the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health. A spokeswoman stressed, 'Of course there's only one Santa - but hundreds of stand-ins work in stores in the run-up to Christmas.'

Father Christmas' Sleigh Needs a Tow

Santa Claus' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve.  He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my toboggan, please?'

'Sorry,' the car driver replied, 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a chiropodists .'

'In that case,' said Father Christmas, 'Please can you give me a tow?'  [Toe]

Real-life Santa Claus Problem

Santa Claus received a parking ticket from a Brooklyn jobsworth.

Word has reached Will and Guy that a New York parking official has penalised Santa Claus for a parking offence while delivering his presents to needy children. Father Christmas [aka Chip Cafiero, a retired schoolteacher] received the $115 USD ticket in Brooklyn. Apparently he shouted to the official, ' Ho! Ho! Ho!' but he was completely ignored.

Santa claims that his horse-drawn carriage and a SUV carrying the toys was not causing an obstruction.  We are not able to raise a comment from the police but a local politician has said the parking ticket is 'ridiculous.' 

Footnote:
On hearing the news that that the D.A. is called Mary Christmas, Guy has taken the odds of 6:4 that Santa beats the rap.

Santa Off-course?

Bad flight?

An aeroplane was flying over the jungle when the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.

All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?' (You've guessed it - out of a Christmas cracker)

Poisoned Santa

Dear Santa

If you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.

Timmy. 

Footnote:
See a funny Santa at the Northpole

General Funny Santa Claus Pictures

'The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there'

Santas IN training for Christmas Day

Santa OUT of training

Santa NEVER been in training!

The above picture of Santa Claus was taken on a beach in Puri India. It was created by students and artists in December 2007

More Funny Santa Photos - Speeding Santa

The German newspaper Munster am Sonntagg reports that a speeding Santa will have to find a new way to deliver his presents this year after German police have prosecuted him and he has received a driving ban.

Bernhard Siewert, 36, was stopped by road traffic police near Munster while dressed as Father Christmas.  He said he was only speeding because he was late for a festive party at an OAPs home where he had to give out presents.

The police officers said they had caught him on camera driving at 92 mph in a 60 mph zone and could not ignore the law even for Santa.

Bernhard was given a fine and a three-month driving ban

Father Christmas Caught in Police Road-block

Not Speeding Santa

Santa Claus Films

Santa Claus (1959) Directed by René Cardona

Santa Claus (1985) Starring Dudley Moore

The Santa Clause 1, 2 and 3 are three films

• The Santa Clause (1994)
• The Santa Clause 2: The Mrs. Clause (2002)
• The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

Santa Claws (1996) Poor film, one to avoid

Other Names for Santa Claus

The name Santa Claus was an American 'invention' sometime before 1870.  The original name for the 'figure' associated with the mid-winter festival was Saint Nicholas, or St. Nick.  Other languages have variations or translations of Saint Nicolas, for example, Père Noël, Papa Noel, Babbo Natale, Papai Noel, Father Christmas, and Kris Kringle.

See more on the origins of Santa Claus

Santa Sacked for Smacking Boy

A Santa Claus is facing the sack from a Dutch shopping centre after he smacked a young boy for pulling his beard.

Peter Hendriks hit the boy on the backside in front of dozens of shoppers in the town of Rijswijk. Defending his actions, he said: 'If I hadn't done that, he would have pulled off my beard and dozens of children would have been traumatised.'

Santas Nicked?

A website called 'The Smoking Gun' has rounded up pictures of real felons who look like Saint Nick. 

 Golden Santa

This pure gold statue of Santa Claus weights 20 kilos, Santa even has 10 gold coins in his belt. It was created by Ginza Tanaka and is offered on sale for 200 million yen ($1.8 million). Tanaka's company took 3 months to fashion the statue. Rumour has it that he created 2 or even 3 of these pure gold Santas. It is difficult to judge its size from the picture, but Santa stands about 40 centimetres, those lucky enough to live in Tokyo can see the statue in the Shinsaibashi district of Osaka.

See more Father Christmas pictures

Santa Banned from Markets in Austria and Germany

The move in Vienna has been followed by Christmas markets across Austria and Germany where St Nicholas is the traditional bearer of Christmas gifts. Bettina Schade, from the Frankfurter Nicholas Initiative in Germany commented, 'We object to the material things, the hectic rush to buy gifts, and the ubiquity of the bearded man in the red suit that are taking away from the core meaning of Christmas.

A Vienna city hall spokesman added that Santa Claus is an English language creation, people who want to see him should go to America where I am sure Coca Cola will be happy to oblige. 'The Christian origins of Christmas, like the birth of Jesus, have receded into the background. It's becoming more and more a festival that is reduced to simply worldly gifts and commerce.'

Footnote: In Europe, New Year seems to be more important than Christmas.

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

In Baltimore there lived a boy,
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.
In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.

He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked ' No Admittance' .
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.
Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying ' Boo!' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.

Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes, 'There isn't any Santa Claus!' Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild: 'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!' Slunk like a weasel or a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot, 'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas Eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared to hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.
He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.

What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of ' Don't , 'and ' Pretty please.' He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'

'Jabez, 'replied the angry saint, 'It isn't I, it's you that ain't .
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!' Said Jabez with impudent vim, 'Oh, yes there is; and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't ' And suddenly he found he wasn't !

From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.
The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

Alternative Ending to Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

......After
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus, beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who told the saint off; the child who got him, licked his paint off.

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