Funny Christmas Stories

Funny Christmas Stories

• Christmas Loser
• Two Idiotic reactions to freezing weather
• Try Before You Buy
• Mirror Image
• Traditional Christmas Pudding
• Christmas Queue Folly
• Mistletoe at the airport

Christmas Loser

Late home after a night out, a youngster attempted to climb into his home down the chimney.  He did not to want to wake other residents in the Judson Center social services agency; also he had broken his curfew and wanted no trouble.

In best Santa Claus mode he climbed onto the roof and let himself down the chimney; unfortunately he was too large, and he became stuck. The 17 year old began moaning and was heard and rescued. Fire fighters and police officers from the City of Royal Oak, Michigan, USA, had to pull him out. The youth suffered from minor scrapes and bruises.

Two Idiotic reactions to freezing weather:
[Don't try these at home]

1) This is a true story about John Porter, from New York State, USA, whose pipes in his home froze one winter. Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house.

A little while later and Porter, his wife and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning. 

2) George Gibbs, 23, suffered second and third-degree burns on his head in Columbus, Ohio one freezing cold winter. Unable to start his car, he diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm petrol through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of petrol on his gas stove in the kitchen.

See more of our Loser stories.

Try Before You Buy

Myra was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new party dress.

In the clothing store she asked, 'May I try on that dress in the window, please?'

'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl, 'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.'

Mirror Image

On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be'

Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?'  She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150USD]

'Too expensive,' muttered Nathan.

The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50.  'Oh dear,' Nathan groused, 'still far too much.'

Growing rather annoyed at Nathan's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.

Nathan became really agitated, 'What I mean,' he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'

So the sales girl handed him a mirror.

Traditional Christmas Pudding

Martha decided to move with the times and try the delights of microwave cooking.  Whereupon, her devoted husband Archie went out and bought her a brand new top-of-the range Sharp Microwave oven.

Christmas approached and Martha got out her Christmas pudding recipe and assembled the ingredients.  She proceeded along traditional lines and even got the each member of the family to stir the mixture 'for luck'. When Martha consulted the microwave's manual for the cooking time, she could not believe that ten minutes would be enough for a traditional Christmas pudding.  Consequently she decided to substitute her normal cooking time of 50 minutes.

As Martha was in the lounge watching her favourite T.V. programme she did not see the pudding spitting in the microwave oven, nor did she hear the mini-explosions.  When she finally extracted the pudding from the microwave after nearly an hour of cooking on 'High', it smelt of burnt sugar and looked like a ball of tar.  Naturally, the Christmas pudding was a disaster, so much so, that Martha could not even prod it with a fork.  In fact the black ball stuck to the bottom of the bowl and Archie had to get a screwdriver to prize it from its base.

In a fit of pique, Martha threw the shrivelled Christmas pudding to Togo her St Bernard puppy.  After a few days she could see the funny side, and Togo loved his new indestructible toy, which amused him until the next Christmas.

Christmas Queue Folly

Just before Christmas I was shopping at a toy fayre in Nottingham'

I glanced to my left and caught sight of a queue at the doll counter; they were waiting for the shelves to be restocked with Mattel dolls.  As I looked I realised that in the queue was a good friend of mine.  Knowing Ernie well I was sure that he had no daughters nor did he have any nieces so I wondered why he should want to buy a doll at Christmas time'

'Hey, Ernie,' I cried, 'I hadn't realised you collected dolls.'
'I don't,' he replied laughing'

'Really,' I queried, 'then you must be buying a Christmas present then?'
'No, not at all, my friend,' responded Ernie, his eyes twinkling merrily'

'If you don't mind my asking then Ernie,' I said, 'Why exactly are you standing in this particular queue?'

'Oh that,' he giggled. 'It's like this, my mate,' he mused, 'I've never been able to resist a Barbie queue.'

See more Christmas warnings and stories:

● Christmas Home   ● Christmas warnings   ● Global warming   ● Mistletoe   ● Home   ● Ebook

● Christmas stories   ● Christmas funny stories   ● Polar Bear   ● Polar bear meets huskies

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