Funny Santa Quotes

 Funny Santa QuotesFunny Santa Quotes

Alas! How dreary would be the world if there was no Santa Claus!... There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.  Francis P. Church

Santa Claus Pictures and Stories

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Will and Guy's Selected Santa Quotes For Christmas

You may find this selection thought-provoking, humorous or tongue in cheek. Whatever, we feel that they are worth a read.

10 Of the Best Citations About Santa Claus

  1. You better watch out
    You better not cry
    Better not pout
    I'm telling you why
    Santa Claus is coming to town. Haven Gillespie
  2. All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes.  Maud Lindsay
  3. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. WC Fields
  4. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.  Shirley Temple Funny Santa Quotes
  5. In this age of instant coffee, overnight rush deliveries, and 30-second media sound bites, it's not surprising that children have discovered that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email.  Patrick Flaherty
  6. The myth of Santa has grown to gigantic proportions. He is able to know all, to judge each and every child, to make reindeer fly and do all these things at the North Pole! Obviously Santa has slowly taken the place of God, doing things which only God can do. Unfortunately, this "god" is a legalistic "god", dispensing gifts only upon those who deserve them.  John L. Hoh [Junior] Funny Santa Quotes
  7. I hear how kids wise up to the Santa Claus routine but pretend otherwise because the goods seem connected to keeping their parents' fantasies flowing. I've seen the parents trying to pretend for the same reason - not because otherwise the gifts stop, but to maintain the innocence a little longer - even when both sides know the other side knows.  Carol Bonomo
  8. Santa Claus is anyone who loves another and seeks to make them happy; who gives himself by thought or word or deed in every gift that he bestows; who shares his joys with those who are sad; whose hand is never closed against the needy; whose arm is ever outstretched to aid the week; whose sympathy is quick and genuine in time of trouble; who recognizes a comrade and brother in every man he meets upon life's common road; who lives his life throughout the entire year in the Christmas spirit.  Edward Osgood Grover
  9. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighbourhood after dark. Dick Gregory
  10. When I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real, I wasn't upset; rather, I was relieved that there was a much simpler phenomenon to explain how so many children all over the world got presents on the same night! The story had been getting pretty complicated - it was getting out of hand. R. Feynman
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Pause And Think About Santa

It's always good for us to pause
And think awhile of Santa Claus ...
That jolly symbol we revere
When we approach the changing year.

Behind his beard so long and white,
In which our children take delight,
There beats a heart from colour free
Which bids all children 'come to me.'

Marshall M. Morgan

See more Christmas poems.

Santa Claus The God - Passage By Donald E. Weslake

Ginza Tanaka's pure gold santa clausSanta Claus is a god. He's no less a god than Ahura Mazda, or Odin, or Zeus.  Think of the white beard, the chariot pulled through the air by a breed of animal which doesn't ordinarily fly, the prayers [requests for gifts] which are annually mailed to him and which so baffle the Post Office, the specially-garbed priests in all the department stories.  And don't gods reflect their creators' society?  The Greeks had a huntress goddess, and gods of agriculture and war and love.  What else would we have but a god of giving, of merchandising, and of consumption? 

Donald E. Westlake

Golden Santa - Reference From Japan

This pure gold statue of Santa Claus weights 20 kilos, Santa even has 10 gold coins in his belt. It was created by Ginza Tanaka and is offered on sale for 200 million yen ($1.8 million).  Tanaka's company took 3 months to fashion the statue. Rumour has it that he created 2 or even 3 of these pure gold Santas.  It is difficult to judge its size from the picture, but Santa stands about 40 centimetres, those lucky enough to live in Tokyo can see the statue in the Shinsaibashi district of Osaka.

See more Father Christmas pictures

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Another Santa Passage

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. 

Clement Clarke Moore

Santa Claus Booked - "Ridiculous" Says Politician

Santa Claus received a parking ticket from a Brooklyn jobsworth.

Word has reached Will and Guy that a New York parking official has penalised Santa Claus for a parking offence while delivering his presents to needy children. Father Christmas [aka Chip Cafiero, a retired schoolteacher] received the $115 USD ticket in Brooklyn.  Apparently he shouted to the official, 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' but he was completely ignored. Santa Speeding Ticket

Santa claims that his horse-drawn carriage and a SUV carrying the toys was not causing an obstruction.  We are not able to raise a comment from the police but a local politician has said the parking ticket is 'ridiculous.' 

Footnote:
On hearing the news that that the D.A. is called Mary Christmas, Guy has taken the odds of 6 to 4 that Santa beats the rap.

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More Santa Quotes

How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws!  Dave Hill

Who's the bane of Father Christmas's life?
The elf and safety officer.  Catherine Tate

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Cris Kringle.

Question: What's red and white and black all over?
Answer: Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney.

Santa and The Train SetBoy Christmas List for Santa

While working in a store as Santa Claus, I had lots of boys ask me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too.  Is that okay?"

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet.  Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him.

He promptly replied, "Another train."

Yes There Is A Santa Claus

If you want the great gift giver
To come on his sleigh and deliver
Then remember this simple rhyme
And recall it at Christmas time
"If in Santa you do not believe
Christmas gifts you will not receive"

Other Names for Santa ClausFunny Christmas Quotes Santa

While it is true that the name Santa Claus was an American 'invention' sometime before 1870.  The original name for the 'figure' associated with the mid-winter festival was Saint Nicholas, or St. Nick.  Other languages have variations or translations of Saint Nicolas, for example, Père No´┐Żl, Papa Noel, Babbo Natale, Papai Noel, Father Christmas, and Kris Kringle.

See more on the origins of Santa Claus

Santa Claus and Coca Cola - The Urban Myth

Funny St Nicolas

A popular urban myth is that back in 1928 Coca Cola invented Santa Claus.  What fuels this myth is that his red coat matches perfectly the Coca Cola livery. 

The truth is that while early Santa Claus often wore green, Santa Claus in red was established by the 1860s, long before Coca Cola was invented.

Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

Santa Sacked for Smacking Boy

A Santa Claus is facing the sack from a Dutch shopping centre after he smacked a young boy for pulling his beard.

Peter Hendriks hit the boy on the backside in front of dozens of shoppers in the town of Rijswijk. Defending his actions, he said: 'If I hadn't done that, he would have pulled off my beard and dozens of children would have been traumatised.'

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General Hilarious Christmas QuotesChristmas Tree Lights Paris

Here are more festive sayings by the famous.

  • 'Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.'
    Larry Wilde
  • 'Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!'
    Ogden Nash
  • Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
    Richard Lamm
  • Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
  • 'A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.'
    Anonymous
  • The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
    Benjamin Franklin
  • Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
  • What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
    Colette   See more Christmas quotes.

Question: What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze?

Answer: Crisp Kringle.

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