Will and Guy's - Funny Computer Jokes

Will and Guy's - Funny Computer Jokes

'Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.' Andy Rooney

• Most Serious Computer Error
• Signs that You've had TOO MUCH Computing
• Newest Computer Boffin
• How to Start the Day and Feel Really Good
• Five Hilarious, Clean and Short Computer Jokes

Most Serious Computer Error

Signs that You've had TOO MUCH Computing

You try to enter your password on the microwave.

You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, 'What's for dinner dad?'

Your daughter sets up a web site to sell Girl Scout Cookies.

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

Newest Computer Boffin

George landed his first computer programming position and he was thrilled. His father, Colin, although a stranger to the field, shared George's enthusiasm and welcomed him at the door when he arrived home after his first day, inquiring, 'What did you do at work today?'

He listened intently while George explained in great detail his eight hours of COBOL, binary code and JCL errors.

When George arrived home the following night, once again his father, Colin, was waiting at the front door. 'So,' he greeted George, 'what did you have for lunch today?'

How to Start the Day and Feel Really Good

• Open a new file on your computer.
• Entitle it 'Housework.'
• Place it in the Recycle Bin.
• Empty the Recycle Bin.
• Your computer will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'
• Answer 'Yes' and click the left mouse button firmly.
• Now you feel much better.

Computer Practical Jokes

These are sneaky computer jokes that techies with too much time on their hands play on their co-workers, typically on April Fool's Day.

• Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
• Variation of this idea.  Unplug the original mouse.  Plug in a fake mouse.  When they check the connection it seems to be working.  One from Dr Devious.
• Alter someone's Word Autocorrect. 
  Launch Word for Windows.
  Find 'Proofing settings'.  Make changes to AutoCorrect, e.g.
  a to ye.
  I to you.
• On someone else's machine press set High Contrast mode
  Press: Shift + ALT + PrintScreen. 
  Note 1: You need Shift and not Ctrl.  Also use the Left Alt and not the right.
  Note 2: To Undo press the same combination: Shift + ALT + Printscreen.
  Note 3: Learn from this madness by checking out the Ease of access settings in Control Panel.
• Variation, turn on Narrator and drive the computer user mad.  Control Panel --> Ease of access.
• You could edit the host file entry to direct google.com to a different site.  [You need some technical expertise to edit:
  C: \Windows\System32\drivers\etc ]
• Cuckcoo clock - Install this computer joke application.

Five Hilarious, Clean and Short Computer Jokes

1) Mystery

Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, 'I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.'

'Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'

2) Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he replied, 'I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

3) Secret

While my next door neighbour, Ian, was tapping away on his home computer, his seven year old son, Nathan, sneaked up behind him.

Then Nathan turned and ran downstairs into the kitchen, bellowing to the rest of the family, 'I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!

''What is it?' Mia, his elder sister asked gently but eagerly.

Proudly Nathan shouted, 'It's asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.'

4) Crucial

When he was at Queen's University, Belfast, Northern Ireland, Kevin took a part time job as a computer technician dealing with most problems by telephone. One day he received a call.

The caller told Kevin that her computer was not working. She described the problem and he concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

Kevin told her to unplug the power cord and bring it to him in the office and he would fix it.

About fifteen minutes later she showed up at Kevin's door with the power cord in her hand.

5)  When I Was Young - A Funny Poem

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch Floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

Author Unknown

Footnote:
Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny computer jokes

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