George landed his first computer programming position and he was thrilled. His father, Colin, although a stranger to the field, shared George's
enthusiasm and welcomed him at the door when he arrived home
after his first day, inquiring, 'What did you do at work today?'
He listened intently while George explained in great detail his eight hours of COBOL, binary code and JCL errors.
When George arrived home
the following night, once again his father, Colin, was waiting at the front door. 'So,' he greeted George, 'what did you have for lunch today?'
These are sneaky computer jokes that techies with too much time on their
hands play on their co-workers, typically on April Fool's Day.
Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
Variation of this idea. Unplug the original mouse. Plug
in a fake mouse. When they check the connection it seems to be
working. One from Dr Devious.
Alter someone's Word Autocorrect. Launch Word for Windows.
Find 'Proofing settings'. Make changes to AutoCorrect, e.g.
a to
ye. I to you.
On someone else's machine press set High Contrast mode Press:
Shift + ALT + PrintScreen. Note 1: You need
Shift and not Ctrl. Also use the Left Alt and not the right. Note 2: To Undo press the same combination: Shift + ALT
+ Printscreen. Note 3: Learn from this madness by
checking out the Ease of access settings in Control Panel.
Variation, turn on Narrator and drive the computer user mad.
Control Panel --> Ease of access.
You could edit the host file entry to direct google.com to a different site.
[You need some technical expertise to edit:
C: \Windows\System32\drivers\etc ]
Cuckoo
clock - Install this computer joke application.
The IT director advertises that he needs a secretary. Necessary
skills: document forming, computer knowledge and a foreign language.
After a couple of days a dog walks in.
"I'm an open minded person," the pale-turned boss stutters, "but I need
someone who can form documents..."
The dog sits down behind the computer and compiles a totally decent
business letter.
"Yes, but the IT-knowledge..."
The dog quickly writes a little program.
"Well, but foreign language?" the totally amazed director asks.
"Meow!" says the dog.
2) Mystery
Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, 'I'm looking
for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something
really challenging.'
'Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'
3) Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire
to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he replied, 'I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
4) Secret
While my next door neighbour, Ian, was tapping away on his home computer,
his seven year old son, Nathan, sneaked up behind him.
Then Nathan turned and ran downstairs into the kitchen, bellowing to the
rest of the family, 'I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!
''What is it?' Mia, his elder sister asked gently but eagerly.
When he was at Queen's University, Belfast, Northern Ireland, Kevin
took a part time job as a computer technician dealing with most problems by
telephone. One day he received a call.
The caller told Kevin that her computer was not working. She described
the problem and he concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and
serviced.
Kevin told her to unplug the power cord and bring it to him in the office
and he would fix it.
About fifteen minutes later she showed up at Kevin's door with the power
cord in her hand...
¤¤
When I Was Young - A Funny Computer Poem
A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of a
goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor
used profanity A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch Floppy You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to
a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a
while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the
road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your
commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a
spider's home And a virus was the flu.
Author Unknown
Footnote: Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny computer jokes.
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