Funny Computer Virus Jokes

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Will and Guy's Funny Computer Virus Jokes

• Virus Warning
• More Computer Virus Jokes
• Free Computer Virus - 409 Takers
• What is a Virus? 

Virus Warning

Even the most advanced ant-virus programs from McAfee cannot take care of this bug.  Norton is no help either.

Virus Symptoms:

1. Tricks you into sending blank emails.
2. Results in you sending an email to the wrong person.
3. Causes you to send the email back to the person who sent it to you.
4. Makes you forget to affix the attachment.
5. Triggers your pressing 'SEND' before you've finished.
6. Forces you to hit 'DELETE' instead of 'SEND.'
7. Pressurizes you into clicking 'SEND' when you should click 'DELETE.'
8. Causes you to send the same email twice.  
9. Causes you to send the same email twice. 
10. This virus only affects those who were born before 1958.

Oh, I nearly forgot, this virus is called the: 'C-NILE VIRUS.'

More Computer Virus Jokes

• Ronald Reagan Virus:  - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
• Mike Tyson Virus:  Quits after two bytes. Spits everything out.
• Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.
• Titanic Virus: Your computer goes down while Celine Deon sings My Love Will Go On
• Disney Virus: Everything in your computer gets Goofy.
• Prozac Virus: Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.

More Computer Virus Jokes

Free Computer Virus - 409 Takers

HELSINKI (Reuters) - Computer specialist Didier Stevens put up a simple text advertisement on the Internet offering downloads of a computer virus for people who did not have any.  Surprisingly, he found as many as 409 people clicking on the ad saying "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" during a 6-month advertising campaign on Google's Adword, said the IT security expert.

"Some of them must have clicked on it by mistake. Some must have been curious or stupid," said Mikko Hypponen, head of research at data security firm F-Secure.

There was no virus involved, it was an experiment aiming to show these kind of advertising systems can be used for malicious intent, Stevens told Reuters.

Stephen Hawking on Computer Viruses

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.

Conficker Worm - A Real and Nasty Virus (Unfortunately, not a joke)

Security experts say that the Conficker worm is expected to activate once again on on April 1, April Fool's Day. This is a bad joke for web security, as the virus has infected millions of machines worldwide and is now even stronger.

Cybercriminals designed the first two variants of the Conficker worm to spread worldwide. The third version, 32.Downadup.C, is expected to solidify its position, experts said.

If the third variation of the worm activates, it can connect infected computers allowing the zombie machines to receive updates.

The new version can defend itself from security bots as well, experts said. The worm will attempt to disable Windows Automatic Update and stop access to the Windows Security Center.

Unrelated Snippets:

1) A Friend: 'Does my computer hard drive get heavier when I put more data on it?'

2) As yet, no-one can explain to my satisfaction, why left to its own devices, my $1,000 computer regularly loses nearly a minute every week. Especially when my 10 year old, $5, 'Mickey Mouse' watch keeps perfect time.

Computer Mating

Question: What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?

Answer: A 1000 lb know-it-all.

What People Say About Computers:

• Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.  Andy Rooney
• Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. James Magary
• I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. Isaac Asimov
• The computer is a moron. Peter Drucker
• Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.  Edward Shepherd Mead

Footnote:
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