Halloween Jokes and One-liners
Funny Halloween Jokes that made Will and Guy Laugh
Halloween Jokes
What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish
brain in the body of his dog?
I don't
know, but
it is great at chasing submarines.
Why wasn't
there any food left after the monster party?'
Cos everyone was a goblin
Why did the vampire's
lunch give him
heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.
Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
A blood hound.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call serious
rocks?
Grave stones.
What do you call pretend rocks?
Shamrocks.
Trip to Walmart
It was mid-October and I was waiting for my wife, Julie, at the checkout at Walmart supermarket in Worcester, Massachusetts, USA, I noticed that someone had left behind their broom.
When no one came to claim it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the cashier's desk. I spotted them getting into their truck and hurried over.
'Excuse me,' I said to the young woman, 'but did you by any chance leave your
broom inside?'
'No,' she retorted quickly and with a smile, 'we came by truck.'
Halloween Quotes
- Where there is no imagination there is no horror. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
- Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoken to. Richard H. Barham
- At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
Back to their quiet graves below. Theodosia Garrison - If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost. Lloyd Douglas
- Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand Kurt Vonnegut
- If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day. John A. Wheeler
- We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. David Russell
¤
More Halloween Jokes and One-liners
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite!
What is a ghoul's favourite drink?
Slime juice
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice scream
When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you're a mouse
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch
What is the most popular subject at a school for Witches?
Spelling
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Vacuum cleaner cords aren't
long enough
Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
They're afraid of flying off the handle
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray
What do they teach at Witches school?
Spelling
Why do witches wear name tags?
So that they can tell witch is which!
What does a witch ask for in a hotel?
Broom service.
What do you call a skeleton who won't
work?
Lazy bones
What's a skeleton's favourite musical instrument?
A trom-bone !
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centres
Why don't
skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with
What was the favourite game at the ghosts'
birthday party?
Hide and
shriek
What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or tweet
Why do mummies make good employees?
They get all wrapped up in their work
Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he
could dig up!
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he goes into a bat
Where do spooks water ski?
On Lake Erie
Where do mummies go for a swim?
To the dead sea
What kind of streets do zombies like to haunt the best?
Dead end streets
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count duckula
What's
a monster's
favourite play?
Romeo and ghouliet
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.
Halloween Superstition
Charlie decided to play a trick on his superstitious friend Henry. Now Henry like a drink at the local pub every Friday nights.
When Henry walked home in the dark, Charlie hid in the Church yard and the scene was set. As Henry staggered home passed the churchyard he said 'Where am I.' Charlie replied in a ghoulish voice: 'Amongst the living.' Where are you then said Henry. 'Amongst the dead.' Charlie sobered up and ran home faster than he had ever run before.
Halloween Jokes from Joe Labatt of Canada
- In Canada you design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- Joe says: 'We wait for a blizzard before going 'Trick or treating'.
- His best line was: 'I use the trunk of my car as a deep freeze.'
Please send us your favourite Halloween Jokes
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