These are longer yarns suitable for telling around a campfire.
Best Use of a Pumpkin Patch
John, a city slicker from Boston, bought a pumpkin patch. He
thought that he could make more money from chickens than the previous owner
made from pumpkins, so he went to a poultry farm and bought 50 chickens.
'50 is a lot of chickens for that little pumpkin patch,' commented the
proprietor. 'I am used to big business' John replied.'
A week later John was back at the farm. 'I need another 50 chickens,' he
said. 'Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,' the poultry farmer
told him.
'Oh yes,' John replied. 'It' will be Ok if I can just iron out a few
problems.' 'Problems?', asked the farmer. 'Yeah,' replied the John, 'I
think I planted that first batch too close together.'
Halloween One-liners
Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it?
Hire yourself
out for Halloween parties.
What do you say to a fishermen say on Halloween?
"Trick-or-trout!"
Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on his
shoulder? It was for time for 'tick or tweet'!
How to Grow Pumpkins
Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load
of fertilizer. Alex a little boy of nine was playing ball in his yard;
he saw the farmer and asked:
'What've you got in your trailer?' 'Manure,' farmer Smith replied.
'What are you going to do with it?' asked Alex. 'Put it on my pumpkins,' answered the farmer.
Alex replied, 'You ought to
come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our pumpkin pie.'
Footnote to joke tellers: The above joke works even
better if you use 'Raspberries', or 'Strawberries' instead of 'pumpkins' and
'pumpkin pie'.
¤
Pumpkin Deterrent
Mrs Jones was proud of her pumpkin patch, so she was real disappointed
when some of the the local kids were taking them to make Jack-o-Lanterns.
One evening while Mrs Jones was soaking in the bath, the answer to the
pumpkin thefts came to her. After supper she went out and put up a
sign: 'Beware, one of these pumpkins is coated with a special
colourless rat poison!'
A day or two later when Mrs Jones checked out her pumpkin patch she was
pleased to see that no more had been stolen. Then she saw a second
sign next to hers which said: 'NOW THERE ARE TWO!!'
Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men?
If you don't like the way your
pumpkin looks, you can just carve another face. (Boo say Will and Guy)
or From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty head. (Boo say Will
and Guy again)
Footnote: Please send us your favourite pumpkin jokes
and stories.
Pumpkin Ghost Rider
based on 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'
'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow' (1820) has spawned generations of headless
horseman with pumpkins at Halloween. As you can imagine from the above
picture, the story tells of a suitor being killed by a headless horseman.
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