Best Jokes for Monday

Will and Guy's Best Jokes to Overcome the Monday Morning Blues

Each day of the week has a definite personality, for example the saying, Monday's child is fair of face.  Will and Guy have a variety of jokes to overcome the Monday morning blues.

Monday is a derivative of 'moon day'.  In French, Monday is Lundi, again with its lunar connotations.

Best Jokes to Get You Out of the Monday Morning Blues

• A Look to the Moon - Irish Humour
• Bank Robbery - Thief needs Geography lesson
• Beautiful Life - Ideal daydreaming for a Monday
• Computer Jokes - Complete Section
• Doctors' Advice
• Food for thought - Lovely cartoons
• Husband Encourages Wife to Shop
• How to Cook - House husbands
• Men Jokes - Including Welsh Husband
• Mobile Phone - And family confessions
• More Jokes - Good variety
• Newspaper Headlines - Eye drops off shelf (Eye-drops)
• Politics - A rare case of funny politicians
• Video Clip - Monday v Friday

A Serene and Peaceful Monday Dawn

Samples of our Best Jokes: Sign on Motorway Garage:

PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH, BUT OUR PETROL IS

Spotted in a Safari Park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Funny Warning Labels on Appliances

On a cardboard windshield sun-shade: 'Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place' .

Food for Thought?

The hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.

'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.

However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'

Chef's Special

Nigel: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
Sally: Which is this?

Why Pumpkins are Better than Men?

Each year you get a brand new crop to choose from.  Also, they are always on the doorstep there waiting to greet you.

Bad Label on a Passenger Manifest

A New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with

the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude?' After putting her on hold for a minute while I ' looked into it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 

I thought under my breath, a good job she wasn't going to Show Low airport in Arizona (SOW).

Funny Notices seen in Hotel Bedrooms:

1) Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notice.

2) Please to bathe inside the tub.

3) Please leave your values at the front desk.

4) You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

5) Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Important Phone Fixed

Having just moved into his new office in Whitehall, pompous, newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Rodney Grant [Royal Navy] was sitting at his desk when Leading Seaman Jones knocked on his door. Particularly aware of his new position, the commander quickly picked up the phone, told the seaman to enter, then said into the phone, 'Yes, Admiral, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.'

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed young Jones man, he asked, 'What do you want?'

'Nothing important, sir,' Jones replied without batting an eyelid, 'I'm just here to connect up your new telephone.'

Monday -v- Friday

Each Friday afternoon we go home full of the joys of the weekend.  In contrast after the weekend we drag ourselves into work full of the Monday morning blues.  This video clip captures that Friday to Monday transition.

See more jokes and funny stories for each day of the week:

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