Funny Monday Morning Jokes
Each day of the week has a definite personality, for example the saying, Monday's child is fair of face. Will and Guy have a variety of jokes and funny quotes to overcome the Monday morning blues.
Good Pages of Monday Jokes
Monday -v- Friday
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!
Each Friday afternoon we go home full of the joys of the weekend. In contrast after the weekend we drag ourselves into work full of the Monday morning blues. This video clip captures that Friday to Monday transition.
Puente - Neat Idea for Mondays
'Puente' is the Spanish for bridge. However, it's not the literal meaning that interests us. Unlike the rest of the world, the Spanish hold their bank holidays on a Tuesday, consequently, on most occasions Monday will be treated as a bridge day [an extra day of holiday], thus ensuring a four day weekend.
A Variety of Funny Monday Quotes
Monday Jokes - Having a Bad Day with Your Computer?
It's Monday, You've Just Been Jilted - Food for Thought
The hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.
'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.
However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'
Five More Laughs For A Monday Morning
Nigel: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
A Different Cure for the Monday Blues - A Serene and Peaceful Dawn
Monday, Monday by The Mamas and The Papas
Monday, Monday, so good to me
I Don't Like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats
The silicon chip inside her head
Tell me why - I don't like Mondays
Special Mondays Throughout the Year
If you work in a company where one person gets Monday off, another Tuesday and so on throught the week, never volounteer for Monday because there are so many natural holidays on a Monday that you are better off choosing say a Tuesday or a Thursday.
The third monday in February honors American presidents, in fact it was once called Washington Day.
An American holiday on the first Monday in September.
Here is an English tradition of wet weekends spread throughout the year.
The second monday in October commemerates Christopher Columbus discovering America in 1492.
While Thanksgiving is an official holiday, the week following is not. Since 2005 the following Monday has been labelled 'Cyber Monday' and has become one of the busiest shopping days of the year.
Clean Monday or Ash Monday
Clean Monday is the first day of the Eastern Orthodox Christian and Eastern Catholic Great Lent. It is a movable feast that occurs at the beginning of the 7th week before Orthodox Easter Sunday.
It is called "Clean Monday", because it refers to people leaving behind their sinful attitudes.
Funny History Exam Answer
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the setters. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
Monday Blues - Sicknote Frequency
Analysis of workplace sickness reveals that Mondays in January are the most popular days for workers pulling a 'sickie'. Twelve of the twenty most popular days for sickness absence occurred in January.
Another study of sickness found that 34% of all sick leave is taken on a Monday. What happens is that attendance on the remaining working days becoming higher as the week progresses. Thus the lowest sick leave rate was recorded on Fridays with just 2.9% of the total.
Quick Monday Morning Diagnosis
Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'
Blue Monday the most depressing day of the year. It falls on at the end of the January, typically on the Monday of the last full week of January.
Cliff Arnall's formula is:
Where: weather=W, debt=d, time since Christmas=T, time since failing our new year's resolutions=Q, low motivational levels=M and the feeling of a need to take action=Na. 'D' is not defined in the release, nor are units.
Arnall says the date was calculated by using many factors, including: weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated and our ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since failing our new year's resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action.
However, Ben Goldacre points out that Cliff Arnall's equation does not make mathematical sense. Will and Guy say that while maths is mumbo jumbo, there is an underlying truth that the anti-climax after Christmas and New Year bottoms out at the end of January.
Arnall's dates for Blue Monday:
24 January in 2005
More Samples of our Best Monday Jokes: Sign on Motorway Garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
Spotted in a Safari Park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Funny Warning Labels on Appliances
On a cardboard windshield sun-shade: 'Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place' .
Why Pumpkins are Better than Men?
Each year you get a brand new crop to choose from. Also, they are always on the doorstep there waiting to greet you.
Funny Notices Seen in Hotel Bedrooms:
Monday Blues Joke
Having just moved into his new office in Whitehall, pompous, newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Rodney Grant [Royal Navy] was sitting at his desk when Leading Seaman Jones knocked on his door. Particularly aware of his new position, the commander quickly picked up the phone, told the seaman to enter, then said into the phone, 'Yes, Admiral, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.'
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed young Jones man, he asked, 'What do you want?'
'Nothing important, sir,' Jones replied without batting an eyelid, 'I'm just here to connect up your new telephone.'
Funny Motor Insurance Quotes from Claim Forms Filed on a Monday
Bad Label on a Passenger Manifest
A New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with
the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude?' After putting her on hold for a minute while I ' looked into it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I thought under my breath, a good job she wasn't going to Show Low airport in Arizona (SOW).
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