Jokes for Sunday

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Will and Guy's Jokes for Sunday

Sunday's child is full of grace

Sun day means the day of God, presumably from the time when man worshiped sun gods. The Latin translation is Dominica, hence Dimanche in French.

Jokes for Sunday

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Over Sixties - One-liners

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

This is not a sect that we are familiar with

Church Exposed?

Elizabeth and her Sunday School

Elizabeth asked her Sunday School class to sketch a picture of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Bert's picture, which showed four people sitting in a plane, so she asked him which bible story it was meant to represent.' The flight to Egypt,' said Bert. 'I see ... and that must be Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus, 'Elizabeth said, 'But who's the fourth person?' Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.'

Thought for the Day Miscellany

Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Funny Political Systems

Every country and every party has its funny political systems, here are some of our favourites researched by Alicia Moss.

Capitalism, American style

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American style

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your'
government.

Bureaucracy, American style

You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

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Latest from the Church Pews News

Tonight's sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday, at 4pm, there will be an ice cream social.
All ladies giving milk come early.
Thursday, at 5pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the vicar in his office.

Sunday: A day of leisure, a day of sport, a day of shopping

Will and Guy love all the sport on Sundays, it seems like a second or bonus Saturday. While it is convenient to find so many shops open on Sunday, we now feel that it would give the individual days of the week more charachter if there was a day of rest from commercial operations.

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