Short Jokes for Thursday

Will and Guy's Short Jokes for Thursday

Thursday's child has far to go. 
You may well guess that Thursday is named after the Norse hero Thor.  The Romans regarded Thursday as Jupiter's day, dies Jovis, the French Jeudi could be a corruption of this Jupiter theme.

Jokes for Thursday

• Academic Jargon - Cut through to the real meaning
• Burger Stories - Giant Burgers
• Bus Driver and Drunk - True story
• Can You Believe It?
• Courtroom Stories  - True sayings from lawyers.
• Employee Evaluations - The real genuine information.
• Irish Humour - The Irish have a different slant on life.
• Little Old Lady - Sees off robber
• Maturity - Really?
• Peanuts - May contain nuts!
• Parrot and the Thief - Watch out for the dog.
• Thanksgiving Jokes - What are those turkeys doing?

Sample Short Jokes - Honeymoon Joke

When visiting my wife's home country of England on our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Heathrow Airport. Geraldine headed for the British passport entry queue while I, an Australian, waited in the 'foreigners' queue. When my turn came, the Immigration official asked me the purpose of my visit.' Pleasure, 'I replied.' I'm on my honeymoon.'

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. 'That's very interesting, sir', he said as he stamped my passport. 'Most men bring their wives with them.'

The Irish Arrive - Classic Joke Genre

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.  An airline employee asked him if he was homesick.

'No', replied the Irishman. 'It's worse, I have I've lost all me luggage.'
'That's terrible, how did that happen?'

'The cork fell out of me bottle'

Three Classic One-line Jokes

• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Manufacturer's Notices - A good source of laughs.

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication' .

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

'Warning: May cause drowsiness' .

Quotes from Employee Performance Evaluations:

1. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

4. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

5. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Can You Believe It?

'The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police'. U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the individual behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce'.  He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

Translations of Academic Jargon

'CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE' ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

'ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS' ...
Rumour has it.

'A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS' ...
A really wild guess.

Chicago Newspaper Story

When two service station attendants in Chicago, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police.  They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

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