Clean Jokes for Wednesday

Will and Guy's Clean Jokes for Wednesday

Wednesday's child is full of woe. 
A probable Anglo-Saxon derivation of Wednesday is (W)Odin's day.  Meanwhile, the Romans named this day after the god Mercury and you can see this in the French for Wednesday, Mercredi.

Will and Guy have realized that the secret ingredient for a good jokes page is variety.  What makes us laugh is the unexpected.  A sudden new angle for an old idea.

Clean Jokes for Wednesday

• Amazing Facts - Strange but true
• Bungled Robbery - Could you believe the stupidity?
• Chickens - Variety of poses
• Chili Taster - I'll never eat another Chili
• Dumb Contestants - Silly things people say on game shows
• Fantastic Illusions - Test your eyes, and your brain
• I Say, I Say - The old jokes are the best
• Irrelevant Facts - Useless but fascinating information
• Lawns - How to look after (or not)
• Marriage Lines
• Out of the Mouths - See what the children say
• Welsh Films - Films that you won't see in the cinema!

Sample of clean jokes: Only in America

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

In 75% of households, women manage the money and pay the bills.

Only in Britain

Only in Britain...do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk in the garage.

Out of the mouths............:

Mother: 'Why are you home from school so early?' Son: 'I was the only one who could answer a question.'

Mother: 'Oh, really? What was the question?' Son: 'Who threw the blackboard duster at the teacher?'

Pay Rise

One Wednesday Martin demanded of his boss, 'I must have a pay rise. You should realise there are three other companies after me.'

'Really?' replied Martin's boss, 'And who might these companies be?'

'Southern Electricity, British Gas and British Telecom, 'answered Martin.

Chicken Saga

One Wednesday, a husband took his wife to the doctor.

'Oh, doctor', he said, 'my wife thinks she's a chicken. 'The doctor gasped, 'That's terrible. How long has she been like that?  The husband replied, 'Three years.' The doctor was horrified, 'Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?'

The husband said sheepishly, 'Because we needed the eggs.'

Marriage Advice

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?'  She said, 'In the lake.' (Henny Youngman)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

Irrelevant Facts for a slack Wednesday

• Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
• Sherlock Holmes never said 'Elementary, my dear Watson'.
• The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
• The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
• Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. Not to mention the other drawback to passing gas in such a confined space..................
• Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

The Two Ushers

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. 'You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.'  'Why? Who's going to stop me?' Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, 'See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers.'

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