Louise went into her bank to cash a cheque. She looked so hesitant that the cashier went to help her. 'Please sign the back of the cheque, 'the teller told her, 'as you'd sign a letter.
'Louise looked
extremely grateful, scribbled on the cheque and passed it back to the cashier.
Signed on the back was: 'Yours affectionately, Louise.'
The Weiner Journal reported this item last Monday: a prospective bank robber was foiled in an attempt to rob the Landeskbank-Hypothekenbank in Vienna when he was directed to a different counter.
The clerk
he approached told him that she did not 'deal with those types of queries'.
There was a big queue for the next cashier so the man, who was holding a silver box that he claimed was a bomb, fled before
repeating his request.
Clerk Maria Bertel said, 'He came up to me wearing his scarf wrapped high around his face and said he wanted money. I said I didn't
deal with money here and told him to go to the next
counter.
'It was only afterwards I realised he was trying to rob the bank. We called the police, but by the time they came he had run off.'
Will and Guy take an alternative and funny look at the world economic
crisis. We are particularly interested in the new funny money, our
question is how come so much money has been lost without a bank robbery?
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the
run on Northern Rock and collapse of the Bradford and Bingley in the UK it
is clear that the uncertainty has now hit Japan and Ireland:
Japan In the last seven days Origami Bank has
folded; Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut
some of its branches.
Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will
likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended
after they nose-dived.
While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank
is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report
that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that
staff may get a raw deal.
Ireland The Allied Irish Bank has issued a credit
warning about Kellogg's, they are worried about the Harvest Crunch.
And There's More:
Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line
the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take
their jewelry, wallets and watches.
While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number
two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is
this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'
Robyn leaves home for University and after several weeks she turns up at
home in quite a distressed state. 'Dad, you gave me some terrible
financial advice,' she splutters. 'I did?' responds her father, 'What
did I tell you?'
Well, you told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank
is in serious trouble,' explains Robyn sniffing.
'What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the whole
country,' he remarks, 'there must be some mistake.....'
'I don't think so,' Robyn interrupts, 'They just returned one of my
cheques with a note saying, "Insufficient Funds".'
How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large
pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Quote of the day [from a trader]: 'This is worse than a divorce.
I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife'.
What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A
good start.
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons?
The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
They both have frozen assets.
Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed.
They've called in the retrievers.
Will talked to his bank manager the other day and he said he was
going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold Will one
outside Boots yesterday.
A robbery at a school in Providencia, Chile was foiled when the pupils laughed at the perpetrator of the crime reports the newspaper Las Ultimas Noticias.
The
teachers, pupils and parents had been watching the rehearsal of a play which began with the words, 'This is a robbery'.
The criminal used these words and the audience collapsed in fits of laughter. So
taken aback, the robber snatched the registration money and fled from the school into the arms of the police who were on their way having been alerted to the robbery.
A man attempted to rob a Bank of America located in San Francisco. He walked into the branch and wrote,
'this iz a stikkup. Put all
your muny in this bag'.
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest tool in the box, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK,' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of
America.
Footnote: Please send us your funny
bank robbery stories. For example, a reader called 'Marine' sent this news
item:
In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note
demanding cash. After his demand was honoured, he fled. Upon returning home,
he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had
written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.
See more bank jokes, bungled robberies and funny money stories:
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