Funny Bank Robberies

Will and Guy's Funny Bank Robberies

• Geography Lesson for the Bank Robber
• Sign Here
• Foiled Bank Robbery
• Bank Crisis October 2008
• Failed Robbery - Can You Believe It!
• Patriotic Thieves
• Funny Bank Robbery

1) Geography Lesson for the Bank Robber

First thing one Monday morning, a robber broke into the bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier said,

'Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!'

The cashier laughed and said, 'You mean to say 'HISTORY.'

The robber answered, 'Don't change the subject.'

2) Sign Here

Louise went into her bank to cash a cheque.  She looked so hesitant that the cashier went to help her.  'Please sign the back of the cheque, 'the teller told her, 'as you'd sign a letter.

'Louise looked extremely grateful, scribbled on the cheque and passed it back to the cashier.

Signed on the back was: 'Yours affectionately, Louise.'

3) Foiled Bank Robbery

The Weiner Journal reported this item last Monday: a prospective bank robber was foiled in an attempt to rob the Landeskbank-Hypothekenbank in Vienna when he was directed to a different counter.

The clerk he approached told him that she did not 'deal with those types of queries'.

There was a big queue for the next cashier so the man, who was holding a silver box that he claimed was a bomb, fled before repeating his request.

Clerk Maria Bertel said, 'He came up to me wearing his scarf wrapped high around his face and said he wanted money. I said I didn't deal with money here and told him to go to the next counter.

'It was only afterwards I realised he was trying to rob the bank. We called the police, but by the time they came he had run off.'

4) Bank Crisis October 2008 - U. S. Treasury released the new US Dollar bill

Will and Guy take an alternative and funny look at the world economic crisis.  We are particularly interested in the new funny money, our question is how come so much money has been lost without a bank robbery?

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock and collapse of the Bradford and Bingley in the UK it is clear that the uncertainty has now hit Japan and Ireland:

Japan
In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded; Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Ireland
The Allied Irish Bank has issued a credit warning about Kellogg's, they are worried about the Harvest Crunch.

And There's More:

Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.

While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'

Robyn leaves home for University and after several weeks she turns up at home in quite a distressed state.
'Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice,' she splutters.
'I did?' responds her father, 'What did I tell you?'

Well, you told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in serious trouble,' explains Robyn sniffing.

'What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the whole country,' he remarks, 'there must be some mistake.....'

'I don't think so,' Robyn interrupts, 'They just returned one of my cheques with a note saying, "Insufficient Funds".'

Lost Homes

See more credit crunch jokes

5a) Financial Crises: The Funny Side

• How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
• What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
• Quote of the day [from a trader]: 'This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife'.
• What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
• What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.
• What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets.
• Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
• Will talked to his bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold Will one outside Boots yesterday.

Bank Managers Use Last of Their Petrol

Then take to the streets

More Funny Bank Robberies

5) Failed Robbery - Can You Believe It!

A robbery at a school in Providencia, Chile was foiled when the pupils laughed at the perpetrator of the crime reports the newspaper Las Ultimas Noticias.

The teachers, pupils and parents had been watching the rehearsal of a play which began with the words, 'This is a robbery'.

The criminal used these words and the audience collapsed in fits of laughter. So taken aback, the robber snatched the registration money and fled from the school into the arms of the police who were on their way having been alerted to the robbery.

6) Funny Bank Robbery  - Candidate for Loser of the Year?

A man attempted to rob a Bank of America located in San Francisco. He walked into the branch and wrote, 'this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag'.

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest tool in the box, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. 

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK,' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny bank robbery stories.  For example, a reader called 'Marine' sent this news item:

7)  A Telling Bank Note

In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honoured, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him.  It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.

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