Funny Stories About Drunks

Will and Guy's Humour Funny Stories About Drunks

• Story About an Early Morning Drunk
• Advanced Driving Test
• Not Drunk - Just Plain Dumb
• Big Boozing Badger Doesn't Budge

Story About an Early Morning Drunk

Rodney and his wife Wilma are awakened at 3 o'clock early one Saturday morning by a loud pounding on the door.  Rodney gets up and goes to the door where he sees a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain.

'Give us a push' says the swaying stranger. 'Not a chance', says the husband, 'It is three o' clock in the morning.' He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push', he answers.

'Did you help him?' Wilma asks.  'No. I did not. It is three o' clock in the morning and it is pouring with rain outside.

His wife said, 'Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Rodney does as he is told, gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello! Are you still there? 'Yes', comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' calls out Rodney.  'Yes. Please.' comes the reply from the darkness.

'Where are you?' asks Rodney.

'Over here on the swing', replies the drunk.

Advanced Driving Test

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.  On your left hand side there is a valley and on your right hand side there is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you there is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. 

Behind you there is a helicopter flying at ground level. 

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? 

Get off the merry-go-round - you're drunk!

Not Drunk - Just Plain Dumb

A robber wielding an ornamental sword returned to the service station he had apparently just held up when he realised he had left his swag behind, police told News.com.au. The 20-year-old man approached an attendant at a service station in South Perth, Australia at about 1.30am and allegedly demanded money and cigarettes. The attendant took money from the till and packets of cigarettes and placed them in a bag. 

The offender fled on foot across the Canning highway before realising he had left the bag in the service station. Police report he returned to find the door locked and begged the attendant to let him back in for his booty. The attendant refused so the offender fled again. 

Police caught up with him several streets away, supposedly still wielding his sword. It is thought that the same man held up the service station on August 17, commented police. 

He was charged with two counts of armed robbery and will appear in Perth Magistrates Court soon.

Big Boozing Badger Doesn't Budge

Inebriated Badger in Funny Drinking Tale

Will and Guy have heard that a drunken badger passed out in the middle of the road near Goslar in Germany. The badger had been consuming over-ripe cherries which fermented in his stomach causing him to have diarrhoea as well as a hangover.

Apparently he staggered into the road where he collapsed and refused to move when police officers tried to scare him away. Police then had to chase the boozy badger off the road into a nearby meadow using a yard brush; there, the inebriate fell asleep again.

Footnote:
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