Funny Little Old Lady Stories

Funny Little Old Lady Stories

Funny stories about little old ladies.  Moral: don't underestimate that little old lady.

• The Power of the Bible.
• An Italian Mama
• More Funny Little Old Ladies

1) The Power of the Bible.

An elderly woman was returning home from a Thursday mid-week service at her local church.  As she unlocked her door, an intruder startled her.

She caught the man in the very act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled,

'STOP! Acts 2:38!'

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer handcuffed the man to take him to gaol, he asked the burglar, 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was quote a scripture to you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'I thought the lady had an axe and two 38's!'

Biblical Footnote The Book of Acts Chapter 2, Verse 38 says : Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.

See more Funny Religious Stories

2) An Italian Mama - Another funny story about little old ladies

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..... 'Back off!' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

3) More Funny Little Old Ladies

• Thursday, at 5pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the vicar in his office.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Remember the annual spring cleaning of the Parish Hall this Saturday. We need lots volunteers to join the work crew. We have a long list of items to be cleaned. The widows will need extra attention.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny little old lady stories

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