A Look to the Moon

 Will and Guy's selection of good but clean Irish Jokes

• Look to The Moon
• Short Moon Jokes
• It's All in the Name
• Nasty case of Arthritis
• Irish Punctuality

1) Look to The Moon

Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub.  Paddy says to Seamus, 'What a beautiful night, look at the moon.'

Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, 'You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun.' Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

'Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?'  The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,

'Sorry, I don't live around here.'

2) Short Moon Jokes

• After the Americans went to the Moon, Paddy and Seamus announced that the Kerry Men would go one better and send a man to the Sun.
  
  Murphy objected. 'If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!'
  'What do you think we are, stupid?" Seamus replied. 'We'll send our man at night!'
• Paddy and Seamus have just opened a new restaurant on the moon.
  It serves great cheese dishes, but the atmosphere is terrible.
• How can you tell when the moon is going broke?
  You can see that the moon is down to its last quarter.

3) It's All in the Name

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma' am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?' Denise.'

'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'

'Denephew.'

4) Nasty case of Arthritis

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.

After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, 'Say, Father, what causes arthritis?' Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man, 'answers the priest.' I'll be damned, 'the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologises.' I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?'

'Oh, I don't have it, Father. But it says here that the Pope does.'

5) Irish Punctuality

An Irish professor of Literature was at conference in Spain.  As a conversational ice breaker, his Spanish host asked if the Irish had a Gaelic word similar in meaning to the Spanish - mañana.  Sure said the professor, we have five words similar to mañana, but none of them have quite the same sense of urgency.

6) Irish Joke Kindly Sent in By Solly

• 'I had an accident with a can of alphabeti spaghetti this morning,' said Murphy.
  'Were you injured?' inquired Dylan.
  'No, but it could have spelled disaster,' concluded Murphy. [Joke sent in by Solly]

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