One-liners and Funny Signs

Here is a Select of One-liners Found on Funny Signs.

One by-product of reading these funny signs, is that you will begin to see similar amusing or unintentional writing on the wall near where you live, or when you travel to work.

Funny Shop Signs.  One-liners

1) SIGN IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE:

Bargain basement upstairs

2) NOTICE SENT TO RESIDENTS OF A WILTSHIRE PARISH:

Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

3) NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER's WINDOW:

Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

4) SIGN IN A LAUNDROMAT:

Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

5) IN AN OFFICE:

After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

6) Sign on motorway garage:

PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

7)  Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

8) Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

9) Notice in a field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

10) Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

11) Sign on a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

12) Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

See more Toilet Humour - we have pictures!

Albert Einstein, 1879 - 1955

'Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.  That's relativity.'

'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.'

• Friday Home

See more funny warning signs and funny road signs

● Home   ● Funny warning signs   ● Road phone signs   ● Funny road signs   ● Crazy road signs

● Pointless signs   ● Silly Signs   ● 'No' Signs   ● Rubbish signs   ● Gaffes   ● Funny signs

● Funny pictures of signs   ● Funny signs PPT   ● Animal road signs   ● Sat-Nav   ● One-liners

Joke of the day Get a clean joke delivered to your inbox every day, no strings attached, just part of our free service.  Subscribe to Will and Guy's Joke of the Day. We have over 1,000 pages of funny pictures, clean jokes, funny stories and amusing videos.  Please use the Search box below to find a topic of particular interest:	Jokes for mobile phones / cell phones Will and Guy now have clean jokes and funny pictures formatted for 'mobi' or cell phones.  Discover more about our 'mobi' sub-site If you enter the following uri into your mobile or cell phone, then you can view Will and Guy's site on your handset:  http://guy-sports.com/mobi/
Web Search this site for jokes Email Guy and send your joke or funny picture to:   ● Home   ● Latest Pages