Funny Thanksgiving Jokes and Stories

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes and Stories

• The man who forgot to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving
• Spot the big turkey
• Hanging the turkey
• The Macey's balloon parade in New York
• Thanksgiving Jokes from the School Room
• Turkey tight end?

The man who forgot to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

'Please let me in, 'says the man desperately. 'I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.'

'Okay, 'says the butcher.' Let me see what I have left.' He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

'That's one is too skinny. What else you got?' says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

'Oh, no, 'says the man, 'That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!'

See our Thanksgiving Turkeys

Spot the big turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy answered, 'No ma' am, they're dead.'

Hanging the turkey

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.

'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.

'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'

Be prepared

Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, 'The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.'

Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, 'Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?'

Indians and the Pilgrims

Nathan, a young boy, after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father's lap and said, 'Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?'

'That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard,' Nathan, replied his daddy as he ducked.

One of the iconic events marking Thanksgiving

The Macy's balloon parade in New York.

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes from the School Room

Gratitude
In the week before Thanksgiving Mary-Jo asked her class of 9 year-olds to write a paragraph entitled:
'What I am most thankful for on Thanksgiving Day'.

All Joey could write was:  'I am thankful that I'm not a turkey at Thanksgiving.'

Crossing I
Mary-Jo (Teacher): Why did the turkey cross the road?
Joey: It was the chicken's day off.

Crossing II
Mary-Jo: 'Why do you think that the Pilgrims sail from England to America?'
Joey: 'Because they missed their their plane.'

Crossing III
Mary-Jo: 'What did the farmer get when he crossed a centipede with a turkey?'
Joey: '100 drumsticks.'

Turkey Tight End?

The professional American football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're superb. Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus.'

'Forget the bonus,' replied the turkey, 'What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?'

Thanksgiving Divorce

Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, 'I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are going to divorcing.  I just cannot take any more of her moaning.  We can't stand the sight of each other any more.'  I am telling first, Eddie, because you are the eldest, please tell your sister.

When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: 'No way are they getting divorced, I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving.'

Julie phones here parents and tells them both 'You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won't do anything until I get over there.  I'm calling Eddie, and we'll both be there with you tomorrow.  Until then, don't take any action, please listen to me', and hangs up.

The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. 'Good news' he says, "Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their own way.'

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