Travel Agent Jokes Stories

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Will and Guy's Collection of Travel Agent Jokes

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. Charles Kuralt

Confessions of US Congress Travel Agent Travel Agent Jokes

Passport Saga
I got a call from a Congress man, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain that he needed a passport. He interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.'

Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.' Her response - click, the phone went dead.

Map Reading
A Senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we booked for him. I asked for details of what was wrong with the hotel in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'Don't lie to me. I am looking at the map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!'

Bad Hair Day
A New Hampshire Congresswoman asked me to book her an aisle seat on the airplane. She did not want her hair to get messed up by being near the window.

More Map Reading
I got a call from a Lawmaker's wife who asked, 'Is it possible to see England from Canada?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'But they look so close on the map.'

Big Airport in Texas
An Aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if they could rent a car in Dallas. When I looked at the reservation, I noticed that they only had a one-hour stop-over Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car for just an hour, he said, 'I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time.

Fastest Jet in America
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

No Show
No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive.
Thorstein Veblen

More Travel Agent Jokes

Passenger Manifest
A New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?'I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude?' After putting her on hold for a minute while I ' looked into it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I thought under my breath, a good job she wasn't going to Show Low airport in Arizona (SOW).

When you don't need a Visa
A Senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. 'Oh no I don't , I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.' I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, 'Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!'

Fast Flying
I am never flying to Jamaica with Airtours again. It took us nine hours, but it only took the Americans three hours.

Australian Travel Agent Stories: Australian Travel Agent - Reports

These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website's official. Their travel agents obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street when I visit Australia? (from USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK.)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK).
A: What did your last slave die of?

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q! : Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Footnote:
If you have any good Travel Agent Jokes please send them to us

Pure Kindness - Travel Agent Joke
(Note please read this joke particularly carefully)

Act of kindness? A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop and said, 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.

'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she answered. 'I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?'

(Note please read this joke particularly carefully) It was all Guy's fault; at first I missed the point that the old man and the old woman who were looking in the shop window, did not know each other; thus on first reading I missed what is a cracking travel agent joke.

Travel Agent Jokes

Will and Guy's Collection of Travel Agent Jokes

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Confessions of US Congress Travel Agent

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More Travel Agent Jokes

Australian Travel Agent Stories:

Pure Kindness - Travel Agent Joke
(Note please read this joke particularly carefully)

See more clean men jokes and funny man stories:

Joke of the day

Jokes for mobile phones / cell phones

Travel Agent Jokes

Will and Guy's Collection of Travel Agent Jokes

Confessions of US Congress Travel Agent

More Travel Agent Jokes

Australian Travel Agent Stories:

Pure Kindness - Travel Agent Joke(Note please read this joke particularly carefully)

See more clean men jokes and funny man stories:

Joke of the day

Jokes for mobile phones / cell phones

Pure Kindness - Travel Agent Joke
(Note please read this joke particularly carefully)