Welsh Humour

Welsh Humour

Now that Anthony Hopkins and Catherine Zeta-Jones have become established in Hollywood, the Welsh film industry is to receive additional funding to step up production.  News sent in by Mike James.

Hollywood are going to remake many well known films, but this time with a Welsh flavour. The following are planned for release next year:

• Hollywood Remakes of Welsh Films
• Real Welsh Comedians or Comic Actors
• More Examples of Welsh Humour
• Funny Welsh Jokes

Hollywood Remakes of Welsh Films

• An American Werewolf in Powys
• The Magnificent Severn
• The Wizard of Oswestry
• Trefforest Gump
• Dai Hard
• Cool Hand Look-you
• Dial M For Merthyr
• Haverfordwest Was Won
• Independence Dai
• Seven Brides from Seven Sisters
• Welsh Connection
• Welsh Connection II
• The Bridge on the River Wye
• Lawrence of Llandybie
• The Welsh Patient
• Breakfast at Taffynys
• Look You Back in Bangor
• Evans Can Wait
• A Fishguard Called Rhondda
• Where Eagles Aberdare

Cinema-goers - Urban Myth

A family of 6 have been found frozen to death outside the Cardiff Odeon in Queens Street.  It seems that they had been queuing for two days hoping to see "Closed for the winter"

Extra Welsh Film Titles from Kerry Jones

• Reservoir Sheepdogs
• The Taming of the Shrewsbury
• One Flew Over The Lambing Shed
• Lock Stock and Two Smoking Rarebits
• The Longest Dai
• A Bridgend Too Far
• Don't Look-you Now
• A Taste of Lava bread

Please contact the Welsh Assembly for actual dates of release and for literal translations where needed.

Films that did not make the 'A' list

• The Eagle has Llandudno
• 9½ Leeks
• Cwmando
• The King and Mair
• Sheepless in Seattle
• The Lost Boyos
• Huw Dares Gwyneth
• Austin Powys
• A Beautiful Mind-you
• The Magic Rhonddabout

Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians.
Jimmy Wales

Real Welsh Comedians or Comic Actors

• Tommy Cooper was born in Caerphilly and you can see his statue in the town centre.
• Griff Rhys Jones of Smith and Jones fame.
• Rob Brydon (Marion and Geoff)
• Max Boyce 1970's folk singer / comedian.

Dialects Welsh and Ebonics

Concern of Dialects is growing.  Basically people want to preserve them.  Here are three arbitrary concerns.  In the United Kingdom Cornish has died out as a spoken language.  There are proposals to teach the Norfolk dialect in Schools.  The Scots bemoan the loss of many of their idiosyncrasies.

Even standard English has huge potential for puns, jokes and play's upon words.   However when you add dialects the fun multiplies.  The danger is that people will be offended, so to show we have no malice, I will start with poking fun at my fellow countrymen - the Welsh.

Welsh

If you listen to the Welsh language, then you realise it's a sing song and lyrical language, unafraid to add extra words, and this explains some of the idiosyncrasies when Welshmen and Welsh women speak English.

Do

The Welsh have a strange use of the verb 'do'.  It is gratuitously inserted into sentences.  For example; He do go to the chapel.

The best translation of 'do' in the above sentence is 'went' meaning the past tense, however the charm of this simple verb 'do', is that it could equally well mean the future tense.  A further point any Welshman speaking this sentence would drop the first haich.  So they would say: 'e do go to the chapel on Sunday.  This could mean that he went last Sunday, or will be going next Sunday.

By here or by there

It is inexplicable why Welshmen make such great use of the proposition 'by'.  I once heard a woman say to a child.' Come from by there to by here - or I'll take you home lost'.

Another Example of Welsh Speak

The above sign was posted outside the new Merthyr Town Hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales.

More Examples of Welsh Humour

Cardi Humour

A visitor to Newquay, a Cardigan seaside resort, asked the shopkeeper: "Please can I have a toothbrush". Shopkeeper: "I'm sorry, but our summer novelties haven't come in yet."

Cardi Nearly Buys a Drink

A Scotsman called Angus and a Cardi called Dylan met in a Glasgow bus station, both were broke and both were thirsty.

The Scotsman had an idea for getting a free beer: 'I know a barmaid in a pub near here who has got a very bad memory. If you get her involved in a conversation she can't remember whether you've paid or not.  Let me try it on first.'

Angus went into the pub, chatted to the barmaid, and duly got his free drink.  Now it was the Cardi's turn to try.  Dylan sauntered up to the bar, ordered his pint and began to tell the barmaid all about life in Wales.  Ten minutes later he drained his glass and said to the barmaid.  'Well, it's been lovely talking to you but I've got to be off now.  What about my change?'

Footnote
Item on a standard hotel bill in Cardiganshire : Wear and tear of mirror - 20 pence.

The Road to Perdition

The Reverend Huw Jones, a Minister from Wales, was travelling home one night and was greatly annoyed when a young man, much the worse for drink, came and sat next to him on the bus.

'Young man,' the Minister, declared in a rather pompous tone, 'do you not realise you are on the road to perdition?'

'Oh, hell and botheration,' retorted the drunkard, 'I could have sworn this bus went to Llanelli.'

Gareth is Shipwrecked

Gareth James, a Welshman, was shipwrecked and managed to survive, he was marooned on a desert island.  A passing ship picked him up some seven years later and the crew were amazed to find his little island covered in fine buildings that Gareth had constructed all by himself.

With pride Gareth took the Captain round the island and pointed out to him his house, workshop, electricity generator and two chapels.

'But what do you need the second chapel for?' demanded the perplexed captain.

'Come on, boyo,' smiled Gareth impishly, 'that's the chapel I don't go to.'

English Tourists in Cardigan, Wales

George, an English visitor to the small Welsh town of Aberaeron, Cardiganshire, was approached by one of the deacons of the local chapel who asked him whether he would like to attend their chapel on the following Sunday.

'Wouldn't that be a little pointless?' replied George politely, 'After all, your services are held in Welsh and I don't understand the language.'

'Ah yes, boyo,' answered the deacon, 'but the collection is in English.'

Footnote:
Please send us your examples of distinctive Welsh humour.

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