Funny Lion Kiss

Will and Guy's Lion Kiss

• Lion Kiss
• Lion Lick
• Food for thought
• Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?
• Interesting facts about lions

Funny Lion Kiss

Good photo - being kissed by a real lion is a little unusual.

What's Happening Here?

My mother used to talk of a 'Cow lick', meaning a hair parting, but a lion lick that's something else.

Food for thought

Brian, just out of school, starts a new job at Whipsnade Wild Animal Park, Dunstable, Bedfordshire, UK and is given three tasks to complete as part of his probationary period.

First he has to clear the weeds from the exotic fish pool. As Brian does this, a piranha jumps out and bites him. In a panic, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employers won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of cleaning out the primate house, Brian is attacked by two aggressive chimpanzees, who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes wildly at the two chimps with his spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, of course, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

Brian now moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by a swarm of angry bees. He grabs the spade and smashes several of them to a pulp. He throws them into the lion enclosure, because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the Animal Park from Marwell Zoo, Winchester, UK. He wanders up to the other lion and asks, 'What's the food like here?'

The first lion replies, 'Absolutely superb, for example: today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees.'

Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?

A lion wakes up one morning feeling really grumpy and mean. He goes out and corners a small monkey and roars, 'Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?'

The trembling monkey answers, 'You are, mighty lion.'

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, 'Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?'

The terrified ox stammers, 'Oh g-g-great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle.'

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, 'Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?'

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then tramples the lion till it looks like a pancake and wanders off. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and shouts after the elephant, 'Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so angry about it.'

This joke is attributed to Margaret McVey, Bathgate, West Lothian, Scotland.

Interesting Facts About Lions

• In a head-to-head fight there is no other animal that you would back to kill a lion.  However, real life in the jungle is not that simple.  Firstly, it's the lioness that kills most of the pride's food.  Secondly, lions rely on co-operation and stalking as much as speed.  Thirdly in battles with other species lions are by no means undefeated.  There are many examples of a dead lion surrounded by dead hyenas, or wolves.  The evidence indicating that while the lion may have killed ten lesser carnivores, they were no match for a pack of determined dogged opponents.
• While the lionesses do most of the hunting, and pretty much all of the cub rearing, the lion dominates the pride and fights off other males.  When the old lion is deposed by the new younger fitter lion, the new king kills off all the cubs.  This seems cruel, nature in the raw, but as he is king of the castle, killing the cubs makes sure that the lionesses come into season, and look to him to father some more cubs.
• A lion's tail is different from that of the other members of the cat family, it has a tassel end.  The tail can be used for signalling in a wide-range of situations; for instance, mother to cub, 'this way', one huntress to another, 'I am circling left', or even from lioness to lion, come hither'.
• Crepuscular means becoming active at dawn or dusk, and it describes the lionesses hunting strategy perfectly.  In the twilight they take advantage of their good eyesight, stalking prowess, teamwork and raw power to overcome the weakest zebra or wildebeest in the herd.

Footnote:
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