Toilet Humour

Will and Guy's Collection of Toilet Humour

• Crazy Japanese Toilet
• Quotes from the Newspapers
• A Priest Runs out of Petrol
• Cultural Sign
• No Thought For The Disabled
• Toilet for the Desperate
• Toilet for the Voyeur
• Another Loo with a View
• Stolen urinal returned to pub
• A Bride Marries in a Dress Made from Toilet Rolls
• Toilet Myths

Crazy Japanese Toilet

Toilet Security
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.  Joey Bishop

Gentlemen

Will and Guy don't know what to make of this 'GENTLEMEN' example of Japanese Toilet humour.  Is the sign writer having a laugh?  Is the writing Chinese or Korean and not Japanese?  Could it really be just an innocent mistake?

Toilet Humour

Many cultures regard toilet humour as taboo.  Will and Guy think that laughing at toilet humour is an act of rebellion to such repressed thinking.  We were surprised to learn that Japanese toilet humour is so popular.

Quotes from the Newspapers

• Visitors to Longforth Road public toilets might be interested to know they are now being powered by wind.  (Wellington Weekly News)
• June 10-16: Open Bowels Tournament Teignmouth.
  (Events Leaflet for South Devon)
• If Tesco, BHS, ASDA and others can supervise toilets effectively, it's time our council got to the bottom of the matter. (Wrexham Leader)

A Priest Runs out of Petrol

After a Sunday service, the priest ran out of petrol on his way home.   Fortunately, the village garage was only about half a mile away.  Amazingly, the garage did not have any petrol containers.  The priest pleaded that the garage owner must have a container that would hold half a gallon of petrol.  After much searching the proprietor came up with a chamber pot.  Although it was not strictly legal, they filled the chamber pot with petrol and the priest set off happily back to his car.

Just as the priest was decanting the petrol from the chamber pot into his tank a lorry driver stopped, wound down his window and said: 'Father, I have heard of the miracle of changing water into wine' but I think you're pushing your luck with that chamber pot'.

Toilet Humour Theme - Room with a View!

Cultural Sign

It seems to me that all cultures have variations of this Chinese Great wall sign.

To digress slightly, do you find that when you are in a pub listening to jokes, how one joke reminds you of another?  Well here is an example.

In English the loos are labelled 'Ladies' and 'Gents', but in my homeland, Wales, the word for 'Ladies' is Merched.  Well a group of visiting Japanese tourists were heard to say.' All day we see everywhere sign posts to this place Merched, but we no find it.  Is it nice place? Could you direct us please?'

An Inside Leak

Yan Dabin, a former director of transport for Wushan County, Chongqing, China, was sentenced to death for taking bribes totalling 22.3 million Yuan ($3.5 million).  Apparently he had been in the pay of road building companies to ensure they got lucrative construction contracts.

It was a leaky WC that caused Yan's downfall.  Following a complaint that water was trickling through the ceiling of the vacant apartment above.  When an official investigated they found not only a leaking toilet, but eight waterlogged cardboard boxes containing 9.4 million Yuan.   (Over $1 million).

Another Loo with a View

Top Quality Loo with a View

No Thought For The Disabled

How to find the disabled WC (Water Closet):

Once you arrive at the disabled toilet, it's not easy.

When my eyes first skimmed the picture above, I thought hmm... so what?  Then I checked the possible or impossible access to the disabled toilet and the penny dropped!

Toilet for the Desperate

I guess either of the above loos would be better than this one below:

Toilet: STAY IN YOUR CAR

Toilet for the Voyeur

Stuck in a Superloo

In Hartlepool, England, six young women decided to squash themselves into a superloo public toilet to save money but all of them became trapped instead. All six were stuck in the toilet for nearly three hours before a passer-by heard their screams and the local fire brigade were called to cut the roof off and let them out. The local police later stated, 'They were furious at being ignored but the sounds of screams from public loos in Hartlepool isn't uncommon!'

Stolen Urinal Returned to Pub

A man who was caught on CCTV carrying a urinal out a pub in Hampshire has given himself up to police.

The 42-year-old man, who has not been named, confessed to police in Salisbury reports BBC news. The man, who has been given a caution, told police that he had taken it from the Royal Oak pub in Southampton as a 'souvenir'. Landlord, Alan Dreja, said that the thief has caused no damage in stealing the urinal and that he was delighted to have it back. He thought that it might put it on display in the pub.

According to the BBC he said, 'The publicity which surrounded the theft seems to have flushed him out.'

A bride marries in a dress made out of toilet rolls

A bride has married in a dress made out of toilet rolls.

Jennifer Cannon and her fiancé, Doy Nichols from Lexington, Kentucky, USA, tied the knot in a temporary public toilet in Times Square, New York. The ceremony has been sponsored by toilet roll company Charmin, reports the Daily Mail.

The dress was designed by Hanah Kim, winner of the 2007 Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest.

Will and Guy have read many crazy news items, but this is in our top 10 of incomprehensible events. 

Questions to ponder: who dreamed up the idea for a Toilet Paper Wedding Dress?  How many other entries were there?  How long did their wedding last?

Pauline comments:

The best fashion conscious use I ever saw for toilet paper was in Lido de Jesolo in Italy when I was on holiday in the 1980s. It was a cheap 1 star budget hotel and we had picked up 15 nights plus flight for £119.

Everything seemed grey in the hotel even the pasta, but especially the toilet paper which was recycled before eco correct recycling was invented. It was sort of greyish white paper like badly laundered white underwear that has gone grey. It was also quite crinkled paper the sort with striations like crepe paper and which stretched when you tried to tear a piece.

One night there was fancy dress party. We went as hula girls wearing flowers in our hair and around our necks and sarongs we bought on the beach. But the most enterprising person was a very tall lad who got 3 of his mates to wrap him in just about every roll of grey toilet paper the hotel had. They then carried him down the 3 flights of stairs ( we won’t mention the non functioning sole lift) since he was totally bound in the grey paper. He was stupendous and no one could beat how terrific he looked. He was just the right tone of mummified off white grey. He won first prize as the mummy. The wedding dress does not come near his outfit.

Toilet Myths

Thomas Crapper

The name of Thomas Crapper appears in any review of toilet myths.  In a nutshell there really was a man of that name; he was a plumber cum toilet maker.  Furthermore, many of his water closets survive to this today, no doubt to rekindle a new bout of toilet humour.

Where the embellishment arises is when people want to credit Crapper with inventing the toilet.  It was probably invented at least 100 years before he created his porcelain masterpieces.

Sound Princess in Japan

 Japanese toilets have electronic sounds to mimic the loo flushing, these are called 'Sound Princess'.

This myth is true; many Japanese women are embarrassed at the thought of being heard by others while using the toilet.  Hence someone had the clever idea of playing a sound to obfuscate the sound of bodily functions.  Previously Japanese women flushed public toilets continuously while using them thus wasting a large amount of water.  In consequence the 'Sound Princess' has become the butt of Japanese toilet humour.

Toilets Flush the Opposite way in Australia

Possibly true due to the 'Coriolis Effect' of the earth's rotation on fluids.  In the northern hemisphere, low pressure storms, water in the bath plughole, and possibly flushing the toilet, cause a counter-clockwise spin.  Whereas in the southern hemisphere, they all spin clockwise because the direction of the Coriolis Effect is reversed.

Toilet Paper Sales Increase when Snow is Forecast

Perceived wisdom has it that toilet paper sales increase whenever snow is forecast.  This effect is marginal.  The biggest increases in sales are bread and milk, toilet paper does not make the top 10 for panic buying when bad weather is imminent.

Snappy Urinals - The Last Word in Toilet Humour

Are the above crocodiles, or alligators?  No we think they are dragons.  The picture was taken from the vast convenience, in the city of Chongquing in south-west China.  It is located in the tourist district and authorities are now trying to get it listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the largest public toilet in the world. Local official Lu Xiaoqing boasted, 'We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV.'

See Will's top ten funny pictures

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