4th of July Jokes for Independence Day

Independence Day USA: July 4th

• 4th of July Jokes
• Ten Independence Day Items of Trivia
• More 4th of July Humor
• Historical Humour For 4th July
• Benjamin Franklin's Social Wit
• 4th of July Video
• Independence Day Jokes and Funny Stories
• Independence Timeline

4th of July Jokes

What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!

Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.

Which ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76!

What would you get if you crossed a colonial toupee with a tepee?
A powdered wigwam!

Back to the roots of our site - More humor  (Humour!)

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'  

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.' 

How Many States Can You Name?

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

Footnote:
4th of July jokes are hard to find, so if you have one, please send it to us.

Ten Independence Day Items of Trivia About The Bald Eagle:
Test Your Family

1. Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson served on the committee that picked the eagle for the national seal [Franklin wanted the turkey].
2. Bald eagles have few natural enemies and live only in North America.
3. Bald eagles get their white head and tail feathers about 4/5 years of age.
4. Bald eagles are not, and never were bald. The term comes from when "bald" meant "white-headed".
5. Their maximum speed: 40 mph or over 100 mph while in a dive.
6. They can lift roughly half their body weight.
7. The Bald Eagle is no longer considered endangered, and now only threatened.
8. The only other kind of eagle in North America is the golden eagle.
9. Bald eagles mate for life, but if one dies, the survivor will accept a new mate.
10. It is a felony to shoot an eagle.

Rare Copy of United States Declaration of Independence Found

Rare copy of United States Declaration of Independence found in Kew Archives, Richmond, Surrey, England

The document, which is in perfect condition, is believed to be one of only 200 ever printed and was found among files at the National Archives in Kew in Richmond, Surrey. Will and Guy have learned that it was discovered by an American antiquarian bookseller carrying out research, the Dunlap print of the declaration was printed on July 4, 1776 and brings the total of known surviving copies worldwide to 26.

The last discovery of a Dunlap print was at a flea market in 1989, and it sold at auction in 2000 for 8.14 million US dollars. Dunlaps were the first official printings of the Declaration of Independence and were named after John Dunlap, the printer whose name is given at the bottom of each copy.

Edward Hampshire, the diplomatic and colonial specialist at the National Archives, said, 'This is an incredibly exciting find. The Declaration of Independence is effectively America's birth certificate, making it one of the seminal documents in world history. It is likely that only around 200 of these were ever printed, so uncovering a new one nearly 250 years later is extremely rare, especially one in such good condition.'

Historical Humour For 4th July

Some Amusing, Funny and Thought Provoking Quotations of Benjamin Franklin [1705-1790]
In the great tradition of American humour, the title of "First American Humorist" rightfully belongs to Benjamin Franklin. He was the beginning of a long line of writers who created a uniquely American form of humour filled with clever wit, folksy wisdom, and a generous portion of irreverence.

In his Poor Richard's Almanac, Franklin wrote many clever sayings which are still part of our cultural heritage today. At 26, Franklin published the first edition of Poor Richard's Almanac under the pseudonym Richard Saunders.

• Remember that time is money.
• A little neglect may breed mischief: for want of a nail, the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse the rider was lost.
• A penny saved is a penny earned.
• Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain and most fools do.
• Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
• Fish and visitors smell in three days.
• Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
• God helps them that help themselves.
• Haste makes waste.
• Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?
• It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.
• Little strokes fell great oaks.
• Never leave that till to-morrow which you can do to-day.
• Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
• Well done is better than well said.
• In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
• There never was a good war nor a bad peace.
• Never contradict anybody.

Ben Franklin experts question whether, in fact, he wrote all his humorous lines. Some believe he researched them and revamped them into his own inimitable style. Whatever the truth Will and Guy are certain that they are witty.

Above cartoon by Jeff Parker

Ben Franklin Tells Us How To Be Seen As A Person With A Brain And A Social Wit

Dr Benjamin Franklin was not really a doctor; his title Doctor was one of those first honorariums given a man of great achievement and reflects the impact he had on his age.

Here are seven ways Benjamin Franklin would suggest you consider to be seen as one with a brain and a social wit.

1. Elevate, not desecrate. Never use cutting humour, dissect theirs.
2. Keep your humour light, fun, open to participation.
3. Reflect your humour to show you row your own boat.
4. You row merrily, and you attract others to you.
5. As you deflect bitterness, fear, answers appear.
6. Your summary encapsulates the situation and hints that the best way out may be to back up to where we went wrong, once we all clearly agree what that was.
7. Elevate, even exaggerate, achievement. Mock an obvious folly but with a twist. If attacked, return their volley as a mirror.

Will and Guy's Selection of Five of the Best and Their Favourite Quotations

1.  Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
2. Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
3. They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
4. Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.
5. Some are weather-wise, some are otherwise.

Benjamin Franklin is held in high esteem in the USA as is indicated by his appearance on the largest note: $100 bill.

Did You Know?

Independence Day is marked by fireworks, barbecues and parades.

Previously called "rockets," the term "fireworks" was not established until 1777.

Later fireworks that made a noise were invented and called "fire crackers" and by 1880 sparklers had been created.

More 4th of July Humor

Nicholas took his four-year-old son, Bryan, to several baseball games where "The Star-Spangled Banner" was sung before the start of each game.

Later, Nicholas and Bryan attended St Bartholomew's church on the Sunday before Independence Day.
The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, Bryan suddenly yelled out at the top of his voice, 'Play ball.'

Little Andy was at his first day of school

Mrs Whyte, his teacher advises the class that each school day starts with the *"Pledge of Allegiance" and instructs them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.

As Mrs Whyte starts the recitation she looks around the room, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag........', when her eyes are drawn to Andy who has his hand over the right cheek of his bottom.

'Andy, I cannot continue till you put your hand over your heart,' she demands.

Andy looks up and replies, 'It is over my heart.'

After several more attempts to get Andy to put his hand over his heart, Mrs Whyte enquires, 'Why do you think that is your heart, Andy?'

'Well Miss,' answers Andy, 'because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, "Bless your little heart," and my Grandma never lies.'

*On September 8, 1892 a Boston-based youth magazine - The Youth's Companion' published a 22-word recitation for school children to use during planned activities the following month to commemorate the 400th anniversary of Columbus' discovery of America. Under the title "The Pledge to the Flag", the composition was the earliest version of what we now know as the Pledge of Allegiance:

Brief History of American Independence

On July 4, 1776, thirteen colonies claimed independence from England's King George III.  And thus was born the mightiest nation on earth: The United States of America.

Leading up to the signing, there had been growing unrest in the colonies surrounding the taxes that the American colonists were required to pay to England. The major objection was 'Taxation without Representation': the colonists had no say in the decisions of the English Parliament since they did not send representative to sit in the English House of Commons.

Rather than attempting to negotiate a satisfactory settlement, King George sent troops to the colonies to quell any rebellion that might break out.  The following timeline will give you some idea of the history that lead to the signing of the Declaration of Independence and America's break away from British rule.

Timeline for Independence

1774 - The 13 colonies send delegates to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to form the First Continental Congress. While unrest was brewing, the colonies were far from ready to declare war.

April 1775 - King George's troops advance on Concord, Massachusetts, prompting Paul Revere's midnight ride that sounded the alarm: "The British are coming, the British are coming."  Thus began the American Revolution at the battle of Concord.

May 1776 - After nearly a year of trying to settle their differences with England, the colonies, once again, send delegates to the Second Continental Congress.

June 1776 - Admitting that their efforts were hopeless, a committee was formed to compose the formal Declaration of Independence. Headed by Thomas Jefferson, the committee also included John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Philip Livingston and Roger Sherman.

June 28, 1776 - Jefferson presents the first draft of the declaration to congress.

July 4, 1776 - After various changes to Jefferson's original draft, a vote was taken late in the afternoon of July 4th. Of the 13 colonies, 9 voted in favour of the Declaration; 2, Pennsylvania and South Carolina voted No; Delaware was undecided and New York abstained.  John Hancock, President of the Continental Congress, was the first to sign the Declaration of Independence. It is said that he signed his name "with a great flourish" so "King George can read that without spectacles!"

July 6, 1776 - The Pennsylvania Evening Post is the first newspaper to print the Declaration of Independence.

July 8, 1776 - The first public reading of the declaration takes place in Philadelphia's Independence Square. The bell in Independence Hall, then known as the "Province Bell" would later be renamed the "Liberty Bell" after its inscription - "Proclaim Liberty Throughout All the Land Unto All the Inhabitants Thereof."

August 1776 - The task begun on July 4, the signing of the Declaration of Independence, was not actually completed until August. Nonetheless, the 4th of July has been accepted as the official anniversary of United States independence from Britain.

July 4, 1777 - The first Independence Day celebration takes place. It's interesting to speculate what those first 4th festivities were like. By the early 1800s the traditions of parades, picnics, and fireworks were firmly established as part of American Independence Day culture.

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