In the week before the Bank Holiday, Alan, a poor country farmer called won
£1,480,000 in the Lottery. As a treat he took his wife and their four children
to see the sites of London.
They booked into the Park Lane Hilton. Having never been further than their local town,
Malton in Yorkshire they were bowled over by glitz and excitement of the big
city.
Alan and his son Sam were especially mesmerised by a shiny box with
silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart,
and then automatically come back together again. Neither had seen an
elevator [lift] before. Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady
entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall
flashed for a minute, then the doors opened and out came a beautiful young
woman.
Alan turned to his son Sam and said, 'Son, go get your mother.'
One seventh of your life is spent on Monday. However, the only person
to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is
where the bus stops, what is a work station?
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it
would probably be Labor Day Weekend. Doug Larson
Footnote: We are struggling to find good Bank Holiday
jokes, so if you find any, please write and lest us know. Meanwhile
....
Something Different To Chew Over on Bank Holiday Monday
Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices? Will and Guy
Explain
According to a snack food study discovered by Will and Guy: The average
American will have three to five careers, 10 to 12 jobs and will hold each
job for an average of 3.5 years throughout his or her lifetime. These
figures we have collected from the U.S. Department of Labor.
After a positive response to his 1999 study linking snack foods to
distinct personality traits, Dr. Hirsch extended his study to reveal that
savoury snacks can also help determine an appropriate career. More than
18,000 adult volunteers across thirty-five occupations were surveyed to
determine the correlation between their occupation and their favourite snack
food.
Chip lovers are ambitious and successful: If you crave
potato chips, you should be a lawyer, tennis pro, police officer, CEO; they
are competitive and have high expectations, not only of themselves, but of
those around them. Competitive in business, sports and social situations.
Pretzels: fire-fighter, journalist, flight attendant,
veterinarian or paediatrician. Lively and energetic, those who crave
pretzels seek novelty and easily become bored by routine. They make
decisions based on intuition and emotion, especially in romantic
relationships.
Tortilla Chips: farmer, travel agent, chef, clergy or
news reader; they are perfectionists who are also humanitarians. Sticklers
for punctuality, you will rarely see a tortilla eater late for an
appointment.
Cheese Curls: real estate agent, psychiatrist or
producer. Formal, always proper, conscientious and principled, people who
crave this have a highly developed sense of integrity and maintain the moral
high ground with their family, co-workers and romantic partners. They plan
ahead for any possible catastrophe. With elastoplasts and batteries, the
cheese curl lover's house is always stocked and ready.
Popcorn: teacher, artist, truck driver, nurse, judge or
neurosurgeon. They are self-assured and confident, those who prefer popcorn
are best described as "take charge sort of people." A popcorn enthusiast
will not hesitate to assume extra work on the job or take on extra duties at
social gatherings. Even though they are self-confident, popcorn lovers are
modest and humble, and would never be considered show-offs.
»
Nuts: plumber, architect, sanitation worker,
cardiologist or politician. Those who prefer nuts tend to be easygoing,
empathic and understanding. When confronted with an emotionally charged
situation, they can be counted on to keep calm and not join the fray,
allowing time for the emotional upheaval to pass. Their even handed nature
makes them well suited for dealing with the public during emergency
situations. While nut aficionados may not always be leaders, it is their
demeanour and assistance that allows the family or workplace to succeed.
Snack Crackers: stockbroker or professional race car
driver. Snack cracker devotees tend to be contemplative and thoughtful, and
base their decisions on solid reasoning instead of their emotions. They
value their private time and are most creative when allowed to be alone,
free from daily responsibilities and interruptions.
Meat Snacks: dentist or bartender. Those who crave a
satisfying stick of beef jerky or a mouth-watering bag of pork rinds are the
life of the party. Gregarious and social, meant snack lovers are at their
best amidst the company of others. They are loyal and true friends who can
always be trusted, and will make extraordinary self-sacrifices to please
others.
Summary: Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices?
'A person's job selection reflects his essential essence and his
personality,' writes Dr. Hirsch. 'Food choices, selection of clothing,
movies and spouses can provide insight into personality and character
structure. Thus the typical personality traits associated with savoury snack
preferences can be used to help predict occupational choices, because a
person's job selection also reflects his essential essence and his
personality,' says Dr. Hirsch.
ф
Five Funny, Honest, Thought-provoking and Famous Quotes About Work
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of
the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Robert Orben
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em,
"Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.'
Theodore
Roosevelt
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
is the belief that one's work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell
Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be
violent and original in your work. Gustave Flaubert
Plus one more: Going to work for a large company is like getting on a
train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles
an hour and you're just sitting still? J. Paul Getty
More
Classic Bank Holiday Jokes
Unreasonable Ask? 'I'm never going to work for that
man again.' 'Why, what did he say?'
'You're fired.'
The Final Payment Roland, a businessman, is on his
deathbed so he calls his friend and says, 'Eli, I want you to promise me
that when I die you will have my remains cremated.'
'And what,' Eli asks, 'do you want me to do with your ashes?'
Roland replies, 'Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have
everything.'
»
The Worker The
Yorkshire, Wage and Hours
Government Department claimed Mickey was not paying proper wages to his
workers
and sent an inspector out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the
agent.
'Well,' replied old John, 'There's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him £250 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been
here for 18 months, and I pay her £200 a week plus free room and board. Then
there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90%
of all the work around here. He makes about £5 per week, pays his own room
and board and I buy him a bottle of whisky every Saturday night.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.
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