Mother's Day Jokes

Mother's Day Jokes

There are a few dates that Will and Guy would like to clear up concerning Mother's Day.  Firstly, the timing is different for the UK and the USA.  Indeed, in the UK, the correct term for the third Sunday before Easter is Mothering Sunday rather than Mother's Day.

Meanwhile in the USA, Easter has nothing to do with fixing the date of Mother's Day, it's always the second Sunday in May.

Mother's Day Humour

• Funny Jokes for Mother's Day
• The Vocabulary Of A Mother
• The Mummy Test
• The Stages of Motherhood
• Just a Mum Poem
• Mothering Sunday

Funny Jokes for Mother's Day

After putting her children to bed, Jacqui changes into her old jeans and a worn out blouse and proceeds to wash her hair. As she hears the children getting more and more noisy in their bedroom, her tolerance grows thin. At last Jacqui wraps a towel around her wet head and storms into their room, putting them back to bed and giving them severe warnings. While leaving the room, she overhears her three-year-old say in a shaky voice, 'Who was "that"?'

The Vocabulary Of A Mother

• Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the children would care to order a dessert.
• Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
• Full Name: What you call your child when you're angry with him.
• Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
• Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
• Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into.
• Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
• Whodunit: None of the children who live in your house.
• Bottle-feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am.

Lionhearted

Edward, a big-game hunter, goes on safari in Kenya with his wife, Frances and his mother-in-law, Agnes.  One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Frances awakes to find her mother, Agnes, has disappeared. Rushing to Edward , she insists on them both trying to find her mother.

Sighing heavily, Edward picks up his rifle and starts to search for Agnes. Soon, in a clearing not far from the camp, they come upon a frightening sight.

Agnes, the mother-in-law is backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion is standing facing her. Frances cries out in panic, Edward, what are we going to do?'

'Nothing,' explains Edward calmly. 'Absolutely nothing, my dearest. The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.'  See more Mother-in-law jokes

More Mother's Day Humour

Over the centuries mothers have given their children plenty of good advice; here are some examples which Will and Guy find quite amusing. 

COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You could have written.

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it.

GOLDILOCKS'S MOTHER: I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family.  Do you know anything about this Goldie?

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!

 HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!

Ten Amusing One-Liners and Interesting Facts About Mothers

1. I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids.
2. 80.5 million are the number of mothers of all ages in the USA.
3. 81% of women between 40 and 44 are mothers.
4. Women expect to have 2 children in their lifetime.
5. Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
6. Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it.
7. A mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter De Vries
8. God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. - A Jewish Proverb
9. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - Chinese Proverb
10. A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb

The Stages Of Motherhood: Author Unknown
[Will and Guy do not agree with all these sentiments]

 4 Years Of Age - My mummy can do anything.
 8 Years Of Age - My Mum knows a lot.
12 Years Of Age - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 Years Of Age - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 Years Of Age - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 Years Of Age - That old woman? She's way out of date.
25 Years Of Age - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 Years Of Age - Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion.
45 Years Of Age - Wonder what Mum would have thought about it.
65 Years Of Age - Wish, I could talk it over with Mum.

Mother's Day and Mothers' Day - No Joke!

Regarding the use of the apostrophe, our logic is that we remember one's mother, thus Mother's Day.  In British English, as opposed to American English, it's also possible for a group of people to celebrate their Mothers' Day.  While this usage of the apostrophe is grammatically correct in England, it's not in common usage.

Footnote:
Please send us your Mother's Day jokes and funny stories.

See more funny Easter bunny pictures and rabbit jokes

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