Funny Welsh Jokes

Funny Welsh Jokes

The aim of this page is to give you a flavour of  the Welsh, dry, wry and self-deprecating humour.

• Three Englishmen and a Welshman
• Funny Welsh Films
• Never Forget You're Welsh
• Welsh Husbands
• A Few More Funny Jokes from Wales
• Welsh Rugby Humour
• Another Welsh Joke
• St David's Day

Three Englishmen and a Welshman

Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.

One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.'
His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.'
The third Englishman said, 'Wait here chaps. I know how to do it.'

He went over to the Welshman and said, 'St David was a flippin' sissy.'
To this the Welshman replied, 'Ah well you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman, 'St David was a stupid fool that wore a dress!'
The Welshman again replied, 'You're very sharp, you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up to the table and yelled, 'St David was an Englishman!'

The Welshman replied, calmly, 'That's what your mates were trying to tell me.'

Funny Welsh Films

• The Wizard of Oswestry
• Trefforest Gump
• Independence Dai
• Haverfordwest Was Won
• Cool Hand Look-you
• Dial M For Merthyr
• The Bridge on the River Wye
• Breakfast at Taffynys
• Look You Back in Bangor
• A Fishguard Called Rhondda

See more funny Welsh jokes based on Hollywood remakes

Never Forget You're Welsh

A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, 'Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!' [Don't drink the water. It's disgusting!]

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, 'Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!' [Don't drink. Water's disgusting. Sheep poo in the water.]

Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, 'Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!'. [Water's disgusting. Don't drink it!]

'I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy!  Can't you speak English?' said the man at the stream in a Splendid English accent

'Oh I see', said the farmer, 'I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in........ !

Welsh Husbands

A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

'Wonderful, 'replies his mother, 'what part is it?'

The boy says, 'I play the part of the Welsh husband.'

The mother scowls and says, 'Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.'

Footnote
As a Welsh husband myself, I can vouch for the truth of the above scenario.

My Wife is from Wales

Martyn Williams from Carmarthen, South Wales, was visiting London for the first time. He really wanted to buy a hat and the one he chose was priced at £20 [$35 USD].

Martyn spoke to the shop assistant, 'Back home in Carmarthen I could get a hat like this for only £5.'

The assistant answered, 'Well, sir, the thing is we have large shop window here, often in the sun, and when the hats fade we send them to places like Carmarthen. And by the way my wife comes from Carmarthen. You may have known her. She was Blodwyn Thomas, who lived at the bakery.'

'Yes, I know her, boyo,' replied Martyn smiling. 'She was very pretty. I took her out many a time. But you know, when things get a bit faded in Carmarthen we send them to London.'

A Few More Funny Jokes from Wales

Welsh Lamb?

Mrs Hopkins ordered a shoulder of Welsh lamb from her butcher, Mr Davies. She suspected that the meat she had been given was not the genuine article.

'Are you certain this is real Welsh lamb?' Mrs Hopkins demanded, angrily.

'Ah, well, Mrs Hopkins,' confessed Mr Davies, the butcher. 'Look you, that lamb was actually born in New Zealand but I can assure you that it had Welsh parents.'

Welsh Travel

A well spoken English gentleman entered into a pub in Llandrindod Wells and drawled, 'Which is the quickest way to get to Cardiff from here?'

Rhys Owen, the landlord answered, 'Are you walking or going by car?'

The Englishman answered, 'Well, by car, of course, my man.'

'That's the quickest way,' retorted the landlord smartly.

Lloyd George Knew Who?

David Lloyd George's amours were notorious, though curiously not at all damaging to his career. During the Great War his daughter Megan was trying to crash a bread queue in Wales.  'Who do you think you are?' cried the Welsh housewives.

'I'm Lloyd George's daughter,' she said proudly, to which they all answered, 'So are we.'

Footnote:
Lloyd George was the British prime minister 1916-22.  For those with long memories it's a case of history repeating itself.  Lloyd George's infamous 'cash for peerages', today's 'Cash for questions'.  In fact the song 'Lloyd George knew my father, father knew Lloyd George' was a satirical take of the fact everybody knew someone who Lloyd George knighted.

Welsh Rugby Humour

• We once had a second row forward called Dai.  There was also a David who played on the wing, and a Daffyth at fullback.  To distinguish between the 3 Davids, we called our fellow forward Dai 'Eighteen months', because he only had an ear and a half.
• One cartoonist who have us hours of fun - especially with his calendars, was Gren with his distinctive, self-deprecating, Welsh humour.
• As for singing and song-writing, it was Max Boyce who lead the way with his, 'Hymns and Arias'.  In his song 'Duw it's hard', the line: 'And the pithead baths is a supermarket now', sums up how life changed in the Welsh valleys during the 1960s and 1970s.
• Snow White was returning from town to the cottage in the forest where she lived with the 7 dwarfs.  In the distance she could see smoke, then as she got nearer she realized that they cottage had burnt down. 
  
  Frantically, Snow White searched the forest for the dwarfs, then she heard a a lone voice saying, 'Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup.
  
  On hearing this chant, Snow White gave a little of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe.
• For one game Bedwas 3rds were a player short and they asked around for a replacement.  Cecil, who used to be a utility player for Leicester 1sts, said he would be delighted to play.  After a particularly bad game Dai said 'Cecil may have been known as a utility player at Leicester, but at Bedwas he would for ever be known as a futility player'.

Another Welsh Joke

Within Wales, men from Cardiganshire (Cardis) are not renowned for their generosity, munificence or open-handedness and this is why.

A Scotsman called Angus and a Cardi called Dylan met in a Glasgow bus station, both were broke and both were thirsty.

The Scotsman had an idea for getting a free beer: 'I know a barmaid in a pub near here who has got a very bad memory. If you get her involved in a conversation she can't remember whether you've paid or not.  Let me try it on first.'

Angus went into the pub, chatted to the barmaid, and duly got his free drink.  Now it was the Cardi's turn to try.  Dylan sauntered up to the bar, ordered his pint and began to tell the barmaid all about life in Wales.  Ten minutes later he drained his glass and said to the barmaid.  'Well, it's been lovely talking to you but I've got to be off now.  What about my change?'

Footnote
Item on a standard hotel bill in Cardiganshire : Wear and tear of mirror 20 pence.

• See more Welsh humour
• We would love to receive your funny Welsh jokes.

See more Saints Days and other examples of national humour :

● St David's Day   ● St Patrick's Day   ● St George's Day   ● Burns Night   ● St Andrew's Day

● Welsh Humour   ● Welsh Jokes   ● Shrove Tue   ● Candlemas   ● Lady Day   ● May Day

● Special Days   ● 4th July   ● Bastille Day   ● St Swithin's   ● Lammas   ● Michaelmas   ● Home