Funny Welsh Jokes
The aim of this page is to give you a flavour of the dry, wry and self-deprecating, Welsh humour.
A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, 'Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!' [Don't drink the water. It's disgusting!]
The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.
Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, 'Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!' [Don't drink. Water's disgusting. Sheep poo in the water.]
Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, 'Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!'. [Water's disgusting. Don't drink it!]
'I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy! Can't you speak English?' Said the man at the stream, in a splendid English accent.
'Oh I see', said the farmer, 'I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in........ !
Mrs Hopkins ordered a shoulder of Welsh lamb from her butcher, Mr Davies. She suspected that the meat she had been given was not the genuine article.
'Are you certain this is real Welsh lamb?' Mrs Hopkins demanded, angrily.
'Ah, well, Mrs Hopkins,' confessed Mr Davies, the butcher. 'Look you, that lamb was actually born in New Zealand but I can assure you that it had Welsh parents.'
Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.
fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.'
He went over to the Welshman and said, 'St David was a flippin' sissy.'
The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman, 'St David was a stupid fool that wore a dress!'
The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up to the table and yelled, 'St David was an Englishman!'
The Welshman replied, calmly, 'That's what your mates were trying to tell me.'
The Bishop and His Wife
The Bishop of St. Asaph and his wife were on holiday in Spain and were
just signing in to their hotel in Seville.
The Bishop of St. Asaph and Mrs. Williams.
The hotel manager looked at the register in amazement and taking the Bishop to one side said , 'In Spain, Bishop, we are not as is commonly said, narrow-minded, and it is no concern of mine what your relationship is with this woman, but do you not think you could conduct this affair a little more discreetly?'
My Wife is from Wales
Martyn Williams from Carmarthen, South Wales, was visiting London for the first time. He really wanted to buy a hat and the one he chose was priced at £20 [$35 USD].
Martyn spoke to the shop assistant, 'Back home in Carmarthen I could get a hat like this for only £5.'
The assistant answered, 'Well, sir, the thing is we have large shop window here, often in the sun, and when the hats fade we send them to places like Carmarthen. And by the way my wife comes from Carmarthen. You may have known her. She was Blodwyn Thomas, who lived at the bakery.'
'Yes, I know her, boyo,' replied Martyn smiling. 'She was very pretty. I took her out many a time. But you know, when things get a bit faded in Carmarthen we send them to London.'
Mrs Evans pulled Mrs Jones out of earshot of the front room, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Mefanwe, sat.
'It is really none of my business,' whispered Mrs Evans, 'but have you
noticed what your daughter is doing?'
Mrs Evans leaned closer. 'Haven't you noticed? She's started knitting tiny garments.'
Mrs Jones' troubled brow cleared. 'Well, thank goodness,' she said smiling, 'at last she's taken an interest in something besides running around with boys.'
A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.
'Wonderful, 'replies his mother, 'what part is it?'
The boy says, 'I play the part of the Welsh husband.'
The mother scowls and says, 'Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.'
Although it was some time since her husband died, the Welsh widow remained inconsolable. To the insurance rep who came round to settle her late husband's policy she declared in tears, 'You know I'd give half this money to have my Evan back again.'
Welsh and Numbers
Two Welshmen, Dylan and Glyn, are sitting on a park bench reading their newspapers.
Dylan notices the headline, '12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed.'
Turning to Glyn, Dylan (Dull'un) enquires, 'Just how many is a Brazilian?'
Funny Welsh Films
A well spoken English gentleman sauntered into a pub in Llandrindod Wells and drawled, 'What's the quickest way to get to Brecon from here?'
Rhodri Owen, the landlord answered, 'Are you walking or going by car?'
The Englishman answered, 'By car, of course, my man.'
'Well, that's the quickest way,' retorted the landlord smartly.
Lloyd George Knew Who?
David Lloyd George's amours were notorious, though curiously not at all damaging to his career. During the Great War his daughter Megan was trying to crash a bread queue in Wales. 'Who do you think you are?' cried the Welsh housewives.
'I'm Lloyd George's daughter,' she said proudly, to which they all answered, 'So are we.'
Classic Welsh Rugby Joke
Q: What do call an Englishman holding a bottle of champagne after a
6 Nations game?
Within Wales, men from Cardiganshire (Cardis) are not renowned for their generosity, munificence or open-handedness and this is why.
A Scotsman called Angus and a Cardi called Dylan met in a Glasgow bus station, both were broke and both were thirsty.
The Scotsman had an idea for getting a free beer: 'I know a barmaid in a pub near here who has got a very bad memory. If you get her involved in a conversation she can't remember whether you've paid or not. Let me try it on first.'
Angus went into the pub, chatted to the barmaid, and duly got his free drink. Now it was the Cardi's turn to try. Dylan sauntered up to the bar, ordered his pint and began to tell the barmaid all about life in Wales. Ten minutes later he drained his glass and said to the barmaid. 'Well, it's been lovely talking to you but I've got to be off now. What about my change?'
How to Spell Aberystwyth
Morgan, a youngster, was describing in an essay his holiday in Aberystwyth, astonished and delighted his teacher by spelling the town's name correctly every time he used it.
The next, day Miss Jones, his teacher called him to the front of the class and said, 'Show the class how well you can spell. Write "Aberystwyth" on the blackboard.'
'Please, Miss Jones, I can't anymore,' Morgan pleaded, 'I've eaten all my rock.'
Living in Rural Wales
Two men, Cadwaladr and Dewi shared an old two-roomed farmhouse somewhere west of Llanfarian. Cadwaladr grumbled to a visitor, 'Dewi makes life unbearable at times. He keeps sheep and goats in the bedroom and it smells terrible.'
'Why don't you open the window?' came the reply.
The Interesting History of 'to welsh' (note the small 'w')
Permit me to digress. Where do you think Joe Montana comes from? Most likely his forebears came from the American state of that name. Pursuing this theme, the locals in Bridgend use this linguistic technique to differentiate between Dai London, who is an Englishman from that city, and Dai who was raised in the village of Coity.
Back to welshing; now we can visualise how this verb originates from Englishmen who cannot pay their way; they flee from their native shires of Hereford or Shropshire, and end up in Wales to hide from the bailiffs. They have welshed on their debts in England.
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