Short Stories and After Dinner Jokes

Short Stories and After Dinner Jokes that Amuse Will and Guy

This page is a mini sitemap for stories that tickle our sense of humour.  We selected each story because it made us laugh, some stories are true, while others are invented, it's fun sifting myth from reality.

Strange But True Stories

• 10 Unusual Accidents
• Car Park Thief
• Cats - Also Real Life Cases Only in America
• Cigar - Insurance Story
• Dentists
• Pumpkin - How Big is the Record?
• RSPCA Inspectors - Animal Stories
• Round Like a Shot - Police into Action

Many of these stories are suitable for after-dinner speeches.  I also think that story of 'The Gassed Budgie' or 'Uncle Jack's Suit' could be the basis of a plot in a sketch, T.V. program or even a short film.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift!

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant-garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Continues here.....

Chinese convert cigarettes to medicine

Xian in China, is crushing fake cigarettes to make medicine, Xinhua news agency said on Sunday.

The north-western city of Xian is using the counterfeit cigarettes to extract solanesol, a compound found in tobacco which is used to treat cardiovascular disease, it said.

'We used to incinerate the fake cigarettes, which is wasteful and causes air pollution, 'Xinhua quoted Zhou Yaqing, vice director of the provincial tobacco monopoly, as saying.

A kilo of solanesol is worth about $200, and 30 tons of tobacco leaf can produce up to 120 kilos, Xinhua added.

China is the world's largest cigarette producer, with a growing market of about 320 million. Chinese cigarettes are also among the cheapest in the world -- a packet can cost as little as 8 U.S. cents -- and smoking kills 1.2 million people a year in China, according to the World Health Organisation.

Fake cigarettes, made of poor quality tobacco and often topped up with wood chips, are commonly sold on Chinese streets.

As reported by Reuters

See more here

Dancing in the Rain: An Inspirational Tale

It was a normal, busy morning, about 8:30 when, George, an elderly gentleman, well into his 80's, arrived at Queen Alexandra Hospital, Cosham, England, to have stitches removed from his thumb.

George told me that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:15 am. I weighed him and took his blood pressure and invited him take a seat in the waiting area, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On examination, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the Doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked George if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
George told me no, but that he needed to go to St Christopher's Nursing Home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she suffered from Alzheimer's disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a little late. George replied that she no longer knew who he was and that she had not recognized him in five years.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as George left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'
True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be,
And will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that is in e-mails and web sites sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one Will and Guy thought we could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to Dance in the Rain.'

We suggest that you may like to send this story to someone to make their day better.

See more about love short stories

Short Story

When visiting my wife's home country of England on our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Heathrow Airport. Geraldine headed for the British passport entry queue while I, an Australian, waited in the ' foreigners' queue. When my turn came, the Immigration official asked me the purpose of my visit.' Pleasure, 'I replied.' I'm on my honeymoon.'

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.' That's very interesting, sir, 'he said as he stamped my passport.' Most men bring their wives with them.'

Urban Myths

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• Airlines to Avoid
• April the First Classics
• Just Like Archie
• Grammy Gordon
• Kilroy and Chad Urban Myth
• Pay Error
• Lighthouse Yarn
• Piltdown Man Hoax
• Spaghetti Hoax
• Supermarket Saga
• Swedish Colour TV Hoax
• Traffic incident
• USA v Canada Rivalry

Can you believe this? Could it only happen in the USA?

A jury of her peers awarded a woman from Austin, Texas $780,000  after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was the woman's own son.

A 19 year old youth from Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. The young man apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.

See more strange but funny true stories:

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