An old Sailor and an old Fleet Air Arm were sitting in the Duke of Buckingham arguing about who'd had the tougher career.
'I did 30 years in the Corps', the Fleet declared proudly, 'and fought in three of
my country's
wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. 'As a sergeant, I
fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. 'Finally, as a gunny
sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all
night. In a fire-fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!'
'Ah', said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, 'lucky Tommy, all shore
duty, huh?'
A group of Americans was travelling on a bus tour through France and were
in the Loire Valley quite near to the town of Sancerre. They stopped at the
nearby village of Chavignol and visited a cheese farm where the world famous
'Crottin de Chavignol' goat's cheese is made; their guide, who was the
farmer's wife, led them through a process of cheese making, explaining how
goat's milk was used.
Madame showed the group a picturesque hillside where many goats were
grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when
they no longer produced. Madame then asked, turning to the group,
'What do you do in the USA with your old goats that aren't producing?'
One spry and very quick elderly gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus
tours.'
Big Frank was having his hair styled at the hairdresser's
when a lorry smashed into a car, outside. Draped in a cape, his hair divided with aluminium clips, Frank, an ex-paratrooper corporal raced out to the
car and found the driver unhurt.
The lorry driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, unconscious. Big Frank lost no time in applying his army acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation. The lorry driver recovered consciousness several times, but kept passing out again.
Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took over, and Frank returned to his barber's
seat. 'I
just don't
understand why he kept passing out,' he said to the hairdresser. 'I did everything they taught me.'
'Well, put yourself in the lorry driver's
place, 'said the hairdresser. 'He's driving down the street without a care in the world. The next thing he knows, he's
waking up to see some big guy in a green cape with a head full of wires pounding on his chest and kissing him. You'd pass out too'
A drunk driver tried to
avoid arrest by leaping into the back of his moving car during a chase in the Australian outback.
Police in the Northern Territory town of Katherine were stunned when they realised the 24-year-old driver had
abandoned the controls and jumped on to the back seat with his three passengers in an apparent attempt to fool officers. The runaway car continued for 150 metres at 25mph before police on foot ran it down and
applied the brakes.
Police said the driver panicked when they tried to pull him over for a random breath test.
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