I took Eddie, my 10-year old nephew, into the Newtown library.
Eddie soon spots the librarian's counter. He has seen This setup
before. With glee, he runs up to the counter and loudly says, "I'll
have a cheese-burger, fries and a Coke!"
"Shhhh!" says the assistant. "This is a library. You'll have to be
quiet!"
"Sorry," my nephew replies.
Eddie then whispers in a very low voice, "I'll have a cheese-burger,
fries and a Coke!"
Whenever you are looking for an important book it's always out of stock.
However, if you you are looking for an indispensable book, then it's out of print.
The thinnest books have the longest catalogue numbers.
In any library, there is only one person who knows where all the books
are. Find them before their boss fires them.
In any library, the helpfulness of any member of staff is inversely
proportional to the number of pens in that person's pocket.
The student with the most overdue books fails their course. [One
professor we know comes into the college library at the end of every
academic year, and asks for the list of students with overdue books.
We cannot help noticing that the list corresponds precisely to the end of
term grades. The student with the most overdue books failed their course.]
Book and Library Quotes
A good book is the best of friends. English Proverb
Choose an author as you would a friend. Wentworth Dillon
Your library is your portrait. Holbrook Jackson
No furniture so charming as books. Sydney Smith
'Classic': A book which people praise but don't read. Mark
Twain
Books are lighthouses erected in the great sea of time. Edwin
P. Whipple
In reading, as in eating, an appetite is half the feast. Anonymous
Customer: I am looking for a globe of the earth. Librarian:
We have a table-top model over here.
Customer: No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?
Librarian: [pauses] Yes, but it's in use right now.'
Library - Or McDonalds?
Marion [none too bright] walks into the library and says to the
librarian, 'Can I have a burger and fries?' Librarian
[whispering]: 'Ssssh...Sorry, this is a library.'
Marion: [whispering also] 'Oh, may I have a burger and fries?'
The first president of the United States of America borrowed two
books from the New York Society Library in 1789 but failed to return
them.
Adjusted for inflation, he has since racked up $300,000 USD
[£195,000 GBP] in fines for being some 220 years late.
The New York Society Library says it will not pursue the fine. It
would simply like the books back.
On 5 October 1789, the first president borrowed two books from what
was then the only library in Manhattan - "Law of Nations," a
dissertation on international relations, and a volume of debate
transcripts from Britain's House of Commons.
George Washington did not even bother to sign his name in the
borrower's ledger. An aide simply scrawled "president" next to the title
to show who had taken them out.
The two tomes were due back a month later but were never returned
and have been accruing late fees ever since. Librarians uncovered the
misdemeanour as they were digitising the library's ledger from that time.
Footnote: If you have any funny library jokes, then please email us.
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