Strange But True Stories of Eccentric English

Will and Guy's Strange But True Stories of Eccentric English

Are the British really more eccentric than other nations?  Will and Guy think so.  We believe the British are indeed different, principally because they combine these two factors, they care less than most what other people think about them, and unlike many nations, the British can laugh at themselves.

• Protest Cartwheel from Brighton to London
• Eccentrics:  We Have Them In England
• Beginner's Mistake?
• Four Casualties Instead of One
• Special Funny Thatchback Car Revealed
• Our Top Five Best Quotes on Eccentrics

Protest Cartwheel from Brighton to London

Fact is always stranger than fiction.  We British produce a top class eccentric.

An artist is attempting to cartwheel from Brighton to London to protest about people taking stones from beaches. Mark McGowan, 37, from Peckham, says bylaws stopping people from taking stones to decorate their gardens should be enforced more firmly.

Two years ago Mr McGowan pushed a monkey nut for seven miles to Downing Street with his nose.  What next?

Eccentrics:  We Have Them In England

Busker*  Charlie Cavey singer plays his guitar whilst squeezed inside a tiny metal litter bin. The 30-year-old singer plays his guitar whilst squeezed inside the tiny metal litter bin in Cambridge, city centre, England - An archetypal Eccentric Englishman.

Cambridge is a city used to street performers; buskers often play songs but have to add funny and entertaining elements to grab people's attention and earn more money from passersby.

At 5ft 9 inches tall he finds his job cramped and smelly but his singing style is proving a huge hit with passers-by. Every 5 songs or so Charlie has to get out of the bin to stretch himself. 

It strikes Will and Guy that another problem could be that people passing by, may well deposit their litter in his bin. Not at all pleasant.

*A busker is a person who entertains by dancing, singing, or reciting on the street or in a public place. [It is a word of British origin]  Buskers may also do: acrobatics, animal tricks, balloon twisting, card tricks, clowning, comedy, contortions and escapes, dance, fire eating, fortune-telling, juggling, magic, mime and a mime variation where the artist performs as a living statue, musical performance, puppeteering, snake charming, storytelling or recite poetry; street art [sketching and painting], street theatre, sword swallowing, or even present a flea circus.

Will particularly remembers fondly the street performers when he visited New Orleans some years ago.

Beginner's Mistake?

One of the nursing students from the local community college was supposed to collect a sterile urine specimen from her patient. Imagine the surprise on the staff nurse's face when they found the student sterilising the urine in the unit kitchen - by boiling it on the stove.

Another Funny, Mildly Eccentric Person

Special Funny Thatchback Car Revealed

Will and Guy can reveal that a Wiltshire publican has treated his Morris 1000 Traveller car to a rustic makeover - by making a thatched roof for it.

Mr Jim Goodland now can be seen as he drives through the streets near his pub, The King's Head, in the village of Whiteparish, near Salisbury, Wiltshire, England.

The car is roadworthy; although Mr Goodland admits the new roof may not have improved its fuel consumption. The Morris Minor, said to typify Englishness, was first launched in London in 1948. The wood-framed Traveller was introduced to the Morris Minor range later on, along with the panel van and pick-up truck version.

Will owned a rose taupe coloured Morris 1000 Traveller in the early 1970's. Pictured here:

"Mad" but Funny Scottish Nurse Breaks World Record

Nurse sets himself on fire and runs 100 yards engulfed in a ball of flames.

Keith Malcolm, from Aberdeen, Scotland, was doused in petrol before sprinting 259 feet ablaze to beat the previous fire-run record of 227ft. To claim the record the amateur stuntman wore eight layers of protective clothing, including four layers of fireproof undergarments, a Formula One fireproof jacket and three overalls. He also wore three fire hoods and a helmet and coated himself in special protective "stunt gel" so he would not be harmed by the flames, which are believed to have reached 1,000C.

Here we can show you a photograph of Mr Malcolm, who now lives in Widley, near Portsmouth, Hants, England, who set the new record at the Alton and North East Hampshire Agricultural Show. He had a team of experts from Hampshire Fire and Rescue on hand for the event which was aimed at raising money for Cancer Research. Afterwards Mr Malcolm told Will and Guy, 'It was absolutely awesome. I managed it in 17 seconds and was running flat-out. I really did not want to hang around. There wasn't much left of the jacket at the end. To be honest, the heat I felt was what you would expect if you were wearing all those clothes and a helmet in hot weather and trying to run.

Once again, we are astounded at the eccentricity and quirkiness of our fellow man and strongly advise readers not to try this at home.

Four Casualties Instead of One

Once again fact is stranger than fiction

An old lady dialled 999 after falling over in her house at Iffley, Oxfordshire. She didn't wake the other members of the family. As the ambulance men were carrying her out of the front door on a stretcher, her son roused from his slumbers by the noise staggered onto the landing, panicked at the sight of strange men in his home, and tripped all the way downstairs, knocking himself out.

His wife came rushing out of the bedroom to see what was wrong. Observing her husband lying on the hall floor, she promptly fainted and fell downstairs herself. The paramedics now had three casualties to take to A&E instead of one.

The tally rapidly became four when the family dog rampaged furiously into the hall, and inflicted an indignant bite on the bottom of one of the ambulance men. A spokesman for the Oxford Ambulance Service said, 'It was quite a night, actually.'

Our Top Five Best Quotes on Eccentrics

1.  Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. - Bertrand Russell
2.  If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric. - Bobby Heenan
3.  Money, like vodka, turns a person into an eccentric. - Anton Chekhov
4.  A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity. - Robert Frost
5.  The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door. - Julian Clary

Addition to Will and Guy's Collection of Eccentric People

Learner Hypnotist Puts Himself into a Trance

A newly trained hypnotist accidentally put himself into a trance for five hours while practising in front of a mirror. 'You just couldn't make it up,' say Will and Guy.

Apparently Helmut Kichmeier, 27, was found by his wife, Joanna, staring into thin air in their north London home, we have learned. Mr Kichmeier had learned to put himself into a trance to help him swallow swords on stage. He had been taught the skill by hypnotherapist Dr Ray Roberts to assist in a new act for the Circus of Horrors show.
However, as he practiced the skill in front of the mirror at 10am he set himself into a deep sleep until 3pm, when he was found by his wife. It was only after she phoned Dr Roberts and put the receiver to Mr Kichmeier's head that he was able to be talked out of the trance.

His wife reported, 'I tried to ask him what was wrong but he didn't answer and it was then I looked at the sofa behind him and saw a book named "Hypnosis Medicine of the Mind." It was opened on page 45 and a chapter named hypnotic anaesthesia and I realised there was something wrong. It was only then I noticed a letter next to the book a letter from his mentor, Dr Roberts, and I knew what I had to do.'

Alfred Mehran – The Man Who Lives in an Airport

Alfred is an Italian refugee who presently resides in the Charles De Gaulle Airport Terminal, and has done so since 8th August,1988.

The story apparently begins when he was expelled from his home country of Italy and decided to move to the United Kingdom. There was just one problem. Alfred lacked identification.

So, doing what he could, he claimed that his bag was stolen and that he'd lost all of his forms of ID and important documents. Surprisingly, he managed to fly out but failed to seal the deal all the way through. When he arrived, officials sent him right back to Charles De Gaulle. Since Alfred didn't have any papers when he arrived back in Paris, he couldn't prove who he was.

Alfred lived in the Airport Terminal at Charles De Gaulle until June 2006 when he was taken into hospital with a medical problem. Since then Will and Guy have heard no more.

Please contact us if you are Alfred or you know what has happened to him.

Simeon Ellerton [1702-99]

Simeon Ellerton lived in the 18th century and we are told that he was a fitness fanatic.

He enjoyed walking long distances, sometimes, for example, from Durham in the north-east of England to London. He was regularly employed to carry out errands or act as a courier for the locals.

On his many frequent journeys he would gather up stones from the roadside and carry them on his head. His aim was to gather sufficient stones to build his own house. Eventually he had enough stones and he made a little cottage for himself.

However, the downside of this extraordinary behaviour was that having spent so many years carrying extra weight, he felt uncomfortable without it, so for the rest of his life he walked around with a bag of stones on his head.

Footnote:
Please send us your example of the eccentric English

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