Dementia Jokes and Humour

Dementia Humour

Will and Guy have not and would never set out to make jokes at the expense of dementia sufferers.  Some of our own relations have had problems with their memories, but have been able to smile at these jokes.

• Dementia Jokes
• Dementia Humour
• Try this Test for Dementia - Quickly

Dementia Jokes

Thoughts About Age

I'm 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics.  But if there were 15 months in every year, I'd be only 48.

That's the trouble with us.  We number everything.  Take women for example.  I think they deserve more than 12 years between 28 and 40.  James Thurber

Problems of Growing Older

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.'

The second lady chimed in with, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.'

The third one responded, ' Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Touch wood,' as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it.'

Problem with My Car

An elderly lady called, Jane, calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.

Jane is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher, 'And they've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator.'

The dispatcher answers coolly, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard,' he says, 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

You couldn't just get reading glasses?

Dementia Humour

Will and Guy can relate to dementia humour because they too have 'senior' moments.  We also feel that British men of a certain age are a hardy bunch, they don't seem to get as offended as easily as other nationalities, and especially as younger people.  Our point is that the people, like us, will either laugh along with this style of dementia humour, or just ignore it.

Good and Bad News

Doctor Ryan tells his patient, Muriel, 'Well I have good news and bad news...'

Muriel responds, 'Tell me Doc. What's the bad news?'
You have Alzheimer's disease.'

'Good heavens!' exclaims Muriel, ' So, what's the good news?'
'You can go home and forget about it.' Says Dr Ryan.

Senior Moment

Betty is aged 94 and she is angry and so she 'phones the newspaper office in Manchester, loudly demanding to know where her Sunday edition was.

'Ma'am,' said the employee, 'today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.'  There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition from Betty. 'I'll bet that's why no one was in church today too.'

Try this Test for Dementia - Quickly

Here is a test that Will found to test and amuse your friends.

      All Have a go at this & see how you do!!!Will 

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in now?

Write down your answer.

Answer:

Second Question:

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer:

Third Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,  4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: (Nunu?)

NO! Of course not. Check Here

Fourth Question:
Very tricky math ! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000.  Now add 10. What is the total?

(For what it's worth, Guy did not like this Question)

Answer

Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Answer

Footnote:
Please send us your dementia jokes and old-age humour.

Take another funny test:

• List of Funny Tests  • Dementia jokes   • Culprit   • Easy   • Psychic   • For Drunks   • Reading test

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• Lateral thinking   • More lateral thinking   • Lateral questions   • River Crossing   • Cool optical illusions

Test for Dementia  Answers

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are

absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

you're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Fourth Question:
Very tricky math ! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Answer

The blind person just has to open his mouth and ask, it's so simple!