Kids Valentine Jokes

Will and Guy's Collection of Kids Valentine Jokes and Funny Stories

Valentine's Day Jokes - February 14th

• Short Valentine Jokes
• Kids Valentine Joke - First Date
• Valentine Love
• Kids Valentine One-liners
• Ugly Duckling Makes Good
• More Funny Valentine's Day Jokes
• Also Cynical Valentine Jokes

Short Valentine Jokes

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you.

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an apple.

Kids Valentine Joke - First Date

Be My Valentine

It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date.  They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.  Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted', Okay, who's got the remote control?'

Valentine Love

• Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
• Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
• No boy or girl is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

More Kids Valentine Jokes

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
Knock, Knock,
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get buttered up.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed', guess who' ?
A: A divorce lawyer.

Kids Valentine One-liners

• What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
  Ughs and kisses.
• What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day?
  I Love Ewe.
• What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
  I'm stuck on you!
• Knock knock!
  Who's there?
  
  Frank
  Frank who?
  
  Frank you for being my friend.
• Knock knock!
  Who's there?
  
  Howard
  Howard who?
  
  Howard you like a big kiss?
• What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
  He gives it a Valenshine.
• Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
  It was Valenswine's Day

Short, Tasteless Joke for Valentine's Day

Paul went to the shopping mall this last week to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. Paul muttered out loud, 'I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives?'
The shopkeeper, behind the counter said, 'Oh, yes sir, they do have an “ex” category, but they're in Sporting Goods.'
'Really?' queried Paul.
'Yes sir. They're called darts.'

My Poem for You

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I made this card
Just for you
It's not the neatest,
It wouldn't pass a test
But it's made with love-
That makes it the best.

Valentine's Day Love Poems

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Hindsight [A humorous Valentine poem]

I said to you, 'Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine.'
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being cool.
I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my heart.
Had I been thinking with my head,
I'd probably have fled instead.

By Joanna Fuchs  

True Story - Bakery for Dogs Opens in Paris

An award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery in Paris which caters only for dogs.  Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in the shape of a cat and also bone-shaped cookies made of foie gras, reports the BBC.

The owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the US with her dog Sophie-Marie.  Sophie-Marie provided the inspiration for the new business for her owner, who decided the best way to make a living was to combine her biggest enthusiasms - pastries and pets.

'Everything is made in the back of the boutique', said Ms Sternstein, 'Every day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits and special orders are taken on a daily basis.'

'The Parisians come - and the first time they think it's very funny and they look at it, and buy the ones that they think are the cutest. Then the dogs come back and choose which flavours they like the best.

'I change flavours, based on what's going on, I will be creating a special biscuit for Valentine's Day.'

Ugly Duckling Makes Good

There once was an ugly duckling..............a story of true love?

A male swan shunned by females for his deformed neck may finally have found a girlfriend after seven years.  Crinkly the ugly swan has become well-known at a Gloucester, UK, bird sanctuary, after flying in from Russia every winter since 2001. Conservation workers have watched with dismay as Crinkly failed miserably to attract the opposite sex. Experts at Slimbridge were amazed when Crinkly first arrived as a cygnet with parents Lucius and Coletta, with a strangely deformed neck probably caused by a birth defect.

'We were worried about Crinkly because he is such a strange-looking bird,' said Jools Mackin, spokesperson for Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust. Until now, none of the females at the trust was prepared to mate with him but conservation workers say they can see signs of a budding romance.

'We are delighted because we think Crinkly has finally found a girlfriend,' commented Ms Mackin. 'He appears to be loosely associating with another Slimbridge Bewick's swan called Taciturn. It is too early to say whether or not they are mates, but we'll be monitoring them over the next few days to see. At the moment they are associating on Swan Lake. They are flying in and out together and we do hope they will become mates.'

P.S. Please send us your favourite kids Valentine jokes.

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