I've often wished
to have a Friend With whom my sweetest hours to spend To whom I safely might impart Each wish and weakness of my heart Who might in every sorrow share And mingle with my grief a tear For whom
alone I wish to be And who would only wish for me And to secure my bliss for life I'd wish that friend to be my Wife.
'Come, let's
be a comfortable couple and take care of each other!
How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to
and sit with.
Let's
be a comfortable couple.
Now do, my dear!'
I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - I have shudder'd at it. I shudder no more. I could be martyr'd for my religion Love is my religion
And I could die
for that. I could die for you.
I wish you were my Valentine
Though I may not be yours,
And I may, in my ignorance,
Be speaking to closed doors.
I have no inkling of your heart,
No hint what you might say;
But when I think of you the sun
Will just not go away.
There is in you a loveliness
That makes my darkness shine,
And so I'll wait, if wait I must,
To be your Valentine.
Forget me not No other heart Can ever be more true than mine Though many loving friends surround Thy
sunny path, my Valentine
¤¤
My So Nearly Valentine!
I'm going to tea at the Reasons Such an elegant up market affair.
I've scrubbed me hands Face and neck and brushed me 'basin' cut hair!
I skip down the hill to his big posh house Heading for tasty
treats He lives in the shop next the flicks The one that sells
chocolates and sweets.
Terry wants me to be his Valentine His red velvet card told me so
This evening he waits on my answer But will I say yes or no?
Their house is the best there's none finer Silk curtains held back
with a frill There's always fresh fruit on the sideboard, Even
when nobody's ill!
I sit at their sumptuous table Look in wonder on bone China plates
Drinking tea from a matching cup Eating cake made with nuts and
dates. We said a prayer before we began Though his posh mam called
it 'grace'. And I dabbed my lips as the adults did On a napkin of
flowers and lace.
Their sugar came in tiny cubes! That was such a surprise to me,
Used the real silver sugar tongs And dropped some in my tea! I've
made up my mind and wink at him he's the Valentine I want. He
blows me a kiss Across the cheese and salmon vol au vent!
He's blonde and wears blue plastic glasses They call him four eyes
at school He woos the girls with Mars Bars and Kit Kats 'cos this
lad is nobody's fool. Christine Dunn wants him all to herself But
she's far too old at aged ten. But then that's Christine all over
Always going for much younger men!
But I had a trick up my sleeve And captured my beau fair and
squareI I did what the other girls couldn't I taught the lad how
to swear!
Now I've seen the way he looks at me And I know I have made him
mine Though I have not quite yet turned eight he's that a bit
older, he's nine!
Stuffed to the gills I'm so happy As we stroll arm in arm up the
hill Me pockets filled with toffees And the tanner he's nicked
from the till. In our entry he stops to give me a kiss - I blush
cos it's my first! But our noses crashed, his glasses smashed Our
affair was sadly cursed.
Only friends now with no spark of romance Though I got the
odd Mars bar or three Christine Dunn got all his attention She
steamed his glasses not me.
I saw him a few years ago He asked how I was I said 'Fine!' Now
as wide as he once was tall He was so nearly my first Valentine!
Footnote: This is an original poem by
Joy James, it's not
for reprinting without permission.
My Funny Valentine Sweet Comic Valentine You Make Me Smile
With My Heart You're Looks Are Laughable, Unphotographable
Yet You're My Favorite Work Of Art Is Your Figure Less Than Greek
Is Your Mouth A Little Weak When You Open It To Speak Are You
Smart Don't Change A Hair For Me Not If You Care For Me Stay
Little Valentine Stay Each Day Is Valentine's Day
Cupid, draw back your bow And let your arrow go Straight to my
lover's heart for me for me
Cupid, please hear my cry And let your arrow fly Straight to my
lover's heart for me
Now I don't mean to bother you But I'm in distress There's danger
of me losing all of my happiness For I love a girl who doesn't know I
exist And this you can fix
So, Cupid, draw back your bow And let your arrow go Straight to my
lover's heart for me Nobody but me
Cupid, please hear my cry And let your arrow fly Straight to my
lover's heart for me
Now, Cupid, if your arrow makes his love strong for me I promise I
will love him until eternity I know between the two of us his heart we
can steal Help me if you will
So, Cupid, draw back your bow And let your arrow go Straight to my
lover's heart for me Nobody but me
Cupid, please hear my cry And let your arrow fly Straight to my
lover's heart for me
Now, Cupid, don't you hear me calling you, I need you, Cupid, help me.
Love is like magic And it always will be. For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery. Love works in ways That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life That love cannot change. Love can
transform The most commonplace Into beauty and splendour And
sweetness and grace. Love is unselfish, Understanding and kind, For
it sees with its heart And not with its mind. Love is the answer
That everyone seeks... Love is the language, That every heart speaks.
Love can't be bought, It is priceless and free, Love, like pure magic,
Is life's sweet mystery.
Cabbage always has a heart; Green beans string along. You're such a
Tomato, Will you Peas to me belong? You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care; So Lettuce get together, We'd make a perfect
Pear. Now, something's sure to Turnip, To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me Let's let our tulips meet. Don't Squash
my hopes and dreams now, Bee my Honey, dear; Or tears will fill
Potato's eyes, While Sweet Corn lends an ear. I'll Cauliflower shop
and say Your dreams are Parsley mine. I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my Valentine.
Get a clean joke delivered to your inbox every
day, no strings attached, just part of our service. Free
subscription to
our Funny Joke of the Day email.
We have over 1,500 pages of funny pictures, clean jokes, stories and amusing videos. Please use the Search below to find a topic of particular interest:
Thought of the Day Subscription
Our offer is to email you an inspirational
'Thought of the day'. Your subscription is completely free of cost and there
are no adverts. Sign up for our 'Thought of
the Day'.