1) Santa's
Outfit
How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
2) Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
3) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't
know what size she wear.
4) Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for that hard-to-find person.
5) Christmas Pudding Charms Sterling silver Christmas charms to bring you good fortune. Potential choking hazard: do not use with food.
6) Curious Question Why does rain drop, but snow fall?
7) Christmas Joke Pizza Good King Wenceslas phoned for a pizza. The salesgirl asked him, 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan,
crisp and even?'
8) Denominations Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.'
What denomination?'
asked the clerk. 'Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?'
said Maria, 'Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.'
9) Christmas Shepherd One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd
leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't
cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
'Look at that, 'remarked Peter to Joe, 'That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!'
Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy
department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll buy it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure
your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case
I'll take two.'
What A Girl Wants For Christmas
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily,
young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now,
we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she
smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for
Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of
you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's
reindeer, EVERY single one of
them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Names of the
other Reindeer
In addition to Rudolph, Santa has nine more reindeer who haul the sleigh the other reindeer are called: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner.
See more clean reindeer jokes
and Xmas pictures
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Christmas.'
A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite
down in the mouth for no obvious reason.
'What's
the matter, Al?' I asked.
'Ummmm, 'replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas.'
On the Sunday before Christmas Reverend Billy Graham was walking down
Highland street in Mt Holly, North Carolina on his way to see a parishioner.
However, he wanted to post a parcel urgently so he asked a young boy where
he could find the post office. When the boy had directed him, Reverend
Graham thanked him and said, 'If you'll come to the Church this evening, you
can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.'
The boy replied, 'I think I'll give your sermon a miss. If you don't even
know your way to the post office, how will you lead me to heaven?'
'Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood
days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveller back to his own fireside and quiet home!'
Charles Dickens
'Love came down at Christmas; Love all lovely, love divine;
Love was born at Christmas, Stars and angels gave the sign.'
Christina Rossetti
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know, Where the tree tops glisten And
children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow. Irving Berlin
'I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeat. Of peace on earth
goodwill to men.'
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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