Will and Guy's Best 5 Oil Spill Funnies
(The subject is dirty but the
jokes are clean!)
The BP President said yesterday that the company would survive. That's
like somebody running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is
fine.' - Jimmy Fallon.
You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf
of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than
Colonel Sanders. - David Letterman
I'm sorry the show is on later than usual. It was delayed by the
president's speech about the gulf oil spill. Obama has been criticized for
not doing enough. To be fair, he's been using every strategy in the book. Unfortunately, it's the same book President Bush used for Katrina
..... -
Craig Ferguson
I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to have been
very, very modest. -Tony Hayward, [BP CEO] interview with Sky News
television, May 18th, 2010
BP Spokesperson: 'Catastrophe is a strong word, let's all agree to call
it a whoopsie daisy.
Economics Prof. Pat Welch of St. Louis University says any boycott of 'bad guy' gasoline in favor of 'good guy' brands would have some unintended (and unhappy) results.
Prof Welch says the law of supply and demand is set in stone. 'To meet the sudden demand,' he says, 'the good guys would have to buy gasoline wholesale from the bad guys, who are suddenly
stuck with unwanted gasoline.'
So motorists would end up . . . paying more for it, because they'd be buying it at fewer stations.
Also, oil companies buy and sell from one another. Mike Right of AAA Missouri says, 'If a company has a station that can be served more economically by a competitor's refinery, they'll do it.'
Right adds, 'In some cases, gasoline retailers have no refinery at all. Some convenience-store chains sell a lot of gasoline
- and buy it all from somebody else's refinery.'
A boycott of a couple of brands of gasoline won't result in lower overall prices. Prices at all the non-boycotted outlets would rise due to the temporarily limited supply and increased demand, making the original prices look cheap by comparison. The shunned outlets could then make a killing by offering gasoline at its
'normal' (i.e., pre-boycott) price or by selling off their output to the non-boycotted companies, who will need the extra supply to meet demand. The only person who really gets hurt in this proposed scheme is the service station operator, who has almost no control over the price of gasoline.
The only practical way of reducing gasoline prices is through the straightforward means of buying less gasoline, not through a simple and painless scheme of just shifting where we buy it. The inconvenience of driving less is a hardship too many people apparently aren't willing to endure, however.
A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry
into the BP Oil spill is stuck in
traffic.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the
hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "BP's Chief Executive has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is
threatening to douse himself with BP petrol and set himself on fire because of
the shame of what he has done."
"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a
collection because we feel sorry for him."
The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but some officers are still
siphoning."
Footnote: Funny BP Oil Spill joke kindly sent in by
Neville Cresdee
Yesterday I was having some work done on my car at
the Ford dealer. While I was talking to Bert, the mechanic, a woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.... We all looked at each other, and the Bert asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little
piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.'
Bert gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She
drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right
there.'
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