Tommy Cooper

This warm tribute is brimming with Tommy Cooper's favourite anecdotes and lovable gags.

What did happen to Tommy's last fez! Find out with Clive Greenway

Bumper Jokes Section

Bumper Jokes that made Will and Guy Laugh

A collection of jokes, one-liners, short stories and funny pictures. Each page has a bumper selection of funny but clean humour.

Funny Pictures

Jokes, One-liners and Funny Stories

Cat at peace - Aren't they always!

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Selection from our joke pages

a) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, 'Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 20 metres away?'

'Well', replied the jay walker, 'I hope it's having better luck than me.'

b) The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

c) Ford had a problem naming a car in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for 'tiny male genitals'. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

Gender Differences

An English teacher wrote the words, 'Woman without her man is nothing' on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate so that it made sense.

The boys wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.'

The girls wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'

Short Story - Mine's A Pint

A man walks into a pub and asks the barman for a pint of bitter.
The barman says, 'Bitter's off just now, we're waiting for the dray and a delivery.'

The man says, 'OK then, I'll have a rum and coke.' After drinking his rum and coke, he goes back to the bar and asks again for a pint of bitter.
Once again the barman says that they don't have any, so the man orders a screwdriver.
He drinks his screwdriver. He then goes back and asks yet again for a pint of bitter.

The barman says 'Look, if you take the rum out of a rum and coke, what do you have?' The man replies, 'Coke.'

'If you take the vodka out of a screwdriver, what do you have?' The man replies, 'Orange juice.'

'Now, if you take the flame out of a pint of bitter, what do you have?' The man looks puzzled, 'There is no flame in a pint of bitter.' The barman replies, 'That's what I've been trying to tell you!'

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