Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places?
Is it true that a number of jokes about dieting can be referred to as 'a binge
of jokes'?
A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
Jackie Gleason
Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?
Never go back for seconds... get it all the first time.
A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of
a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.
Needing to shed a few pounds, Robert, and his wife Jennifer, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing
the finished recipe in half for their individual portions. Robert and Jennifer felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.
As time
progressed, Robert and Jennifer realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they
found their error.
There, in small print, Robert and Jennifer saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'.
Funny Diet - One liners
'I'm in shape.' says Will. 'Round is a shape.'
The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.
What runs but never gets tired? Water.
Funny Slant on Eating Fruit and Vegetables
Food of the Famous After listening to some bedtime
stories, Alex, a little boy, said to his father, 'Snow White was poisoned by
an apple, Jack found a giant on a beanstalk, and just look what happened to
Alice when she ate the mushroom. And you wonder why I won't eat fruit and
vegetables.'
Funny Diet 'My tummy is so big I'm embarrassed by
it,' commented Will.
'Have you tried to diet?'
'Yes, but whatever colour I use, it still sticks out.'
Chubby
and overweight animals in a South Korean zoo will be put on a diet after almost ten years of eating processed foods. Animals at the Seoul Grand Park Zoo had been eating more than the normal amount of food
intake per day so the animal management have decided to increase amount of their natural food intake and decrease the processed foods.
Park Seon-Deok, a member of the animal management team said, 'Feeding
the animals according to the 1998 guidelines made the animals overweight. Horses, for example, like processed food better than grass, which is what they would be eating in the wild.'
Get a clean joke delivered to your inbox every day, no strings attached, just part of our free service.
Subscribe to Will and Guy's Joke of the Day.
We have over 1,000 pages of funny pictures, clean jokes, stories and amusing videos. Please use the Search below to find a topic of particular interest: