Funny Diet Tips

Thoughts from Will and Guy About What Makes a Funny Diet

Never tell anyone that you're, going on a diet, exercising, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death.  Lynn Johnston

• Dieting is a Weigh of Life
• Funny Diet Scales
• Diet Products that can be Bought in Japan
• Hot Diet News and Tips
• Funny Diet Jokes
• Floor Collapses During Weight Watchers' Weigh-in
• Funny Diet Diary

Dieting is a Weigh of Life

• It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
• The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
• The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat.  It's watching what other people eat.
• An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping ... snacks and dessert.

Funny Diet Scales

When You Know It's Time to Diet!

The 'Onion Scales' - Step on it and it makes you cry.

Hard to believe, I know, but these products can be bought in Japan

Diet Water Bag (see right Japanese girl drinking)

Diet Ion Water Stick (see extreme right)

Mineral Water Bag (below)

So Hungry I could Eat the Plate

Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor living in Taipei, Taiwan has perfected an edible plate. It is made from wheat grain, and he plans to mass-produce it with other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.

Will and Guy are aware that he argues that hungry diners, tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal, can now go a step further and demolish the whole lot. Sadly, we have learned, the plates have the taste of unsalted popcorn - not exactly an exciting culinary delight.

In his favour Chen says the crockery can be boiled and will provide a nutritious meal for your pet. Lovely.

Hot Diet Tips and News and

• Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places?
• Is it true that a number of jokes about dieting can be referred to as 'a binge of jokes'?
• A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second day you're off it.  Jackie Gleason
• Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?
• Never go back for seconds... get it all the first time.
• A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror.  Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.

The Government has Issued New Guidelines for a Healthy Diet

They advise you to:

1. List your ten favourite foods.
2. List your five favourite drinks.
3. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls or little trees.
4. List water.
5. Avoid 1 & 2; eat only 3; drink only 4.

See more vegetable art

Funny Diet Jokes

Eating Properly is Essential in a Good Diet

Terry rushes into Doctor Sims's surgery. He has a parsnip up one nostril, a courgette in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

'Doctor, Doctor,' Terry wails, 'I've got dreadfully sore ears and can hardly breathe!  What's wrong with me?'

Doctor Sims looks at him for a few moments, shakes her head sorrowfully and answers, 'Terry, you're not eating properly.'

A Generous Diet

Needing to shed a few pounds, Robert, and his wife Jennifer, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for their individual portions. Robert and Jennifer felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.

As time progressed, Robert and Jennifer realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they found their error.

There, in small print, Robert and Jennifer saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'.

Funny Diet - One liners

• 'I'm in shape.' says Will. 'Round is a shape.'
• The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.
• What runs but never gets tired? Water.

Funny Slant on Eating Fruit and Vegetables

Food of the Famous
After listening to some bedtime stories, Alex, a little boy, said to his father, 'Snow White was poisoned by an apple, Jack found a giant on a beanstalk, and just look what happened to Alice when she ate the mushroom. And you wonder why I won't eat fruit and vegetables.'

Funny Diet
'My tummy is so big I'm embarrassed by it,' commented Will.

'Have you tried to diet?'

'Yes, but whatever colour I use, it still sticks out.'

Funny Diet Stories

Floor Collapses During Weight Watchers' Weigh-in

Just after Christmas 2009 19 members of Weight Watchers in Växjö, Sweden lined up for their weigh in when they heard a bang as the floor came away from the walls of their meeting room.

"We suddenly heard a huge thud – we almost thought it was an earthquake and everything flew up in the air. The floor collapsed in one corner of the room and along the walls" one of those present told the Smålandsposten newspaper.

As the Weight Watchers abandoned the room so other parts of the floor started to give way.  Undaunted as no-one was injured, the club member continued their weigh-in in the hallway.

Even Animals End Up on a Diet

Chubby and overweight animals in a South Korean zoo will be put on a diet after almost ten years of eating processed foods. Animals at the Seoul Grand Park Zoo had been eating more than the normal amount of food intake per day so the animal management have decided to increase amount of their natural food intake and decrease the processed foods.

Park Seon-Deok, a member of the animal management team said, 'Feeding the animals according to the 1998 guidelines made the animals overweight. Horses, for example, like processed food better than grass, which is what they would be eating in the wild.'

Footnote:
Please send us your thought funny diet tips.

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