Funny Fitness Workouts

Funny Diets and Funny Fitness Workouts

• Will's Funny Fitness Workout
• An Effective Workout
• A Diet is a Weigh of Life
• Funny Diet Quotes
• When you know it's time to diet

Will's Funny Fitness Workout

The Doctor has told Will that he should start a fitness programme.

........and Will, not wanting to harm his old, rather corpulent, body, has decided to put the following weekly regimen into practise:

Day 1

Beat around the bush several times
Jump to conclusions all the time
Climb the walls
Wade through the daily paper from start to finish

Day 2

Drag my heels constantly
Push my luck all the time
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head regularly

Day 3

Bend over backwards
Jump onto the latest bandwagon
Run around in circles all day

Day 4

Advise the Prime Minister how to run the country
Blow my own trumpet constantly
Pull out all the stops for just today
Add fuel to the fire

Day 5

Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth regularly
Start the ball rolling often
Go over the edge in the evening

Day 6

Pick up the pieces
Raise the roof
Lift a pint many times
Skip the washing up

Day 7

Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Raise my hands in praise
Hug and cuddle someone and encourage them
What an amazing workout!

See Will's Funny Fitness Workout in Action

An Effective Workout

Jack, decidedly overweight, and not at all bright, asks Doctor Mayo at Portchester Health Centre, for help in losing weight. The doctor advises Jack to run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, she promises, will help Jack lose as much as twenty pounds in a month.

Jack, naturally very excited, follows Doctor Mayo's advice to the letter, and, after thirty days, he is delighted to find that he has, indeed, lost twenty pounds.

Delighted, Jack 'phones Doctor Mayo and thanks her profusely for the wonderful advice which had produced such a tremendous result.

At the end of the conversation, however, he asks one last question, 'How do I get home now, Doctor, since I am some 300 miles away?'

A Diet is a Weigh of Life

• It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
• The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
• The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat.  It's watching what other people eat.
• An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping ... snacks and dessert.
• See more about 'Diet a Weigh of Life'

Diet Water

What Will's Therapist Says:

Will's therapist told him that the way to achieve true inner peace was to remember to always finish what he started.  So today, Will has finished 2 bags of potato crisps, a gallon of ice-cream, two buckets of chicken, and a chocolate cake.  He feels much better already.

Some Thought Provoking Quotes: Funny Diet Quotes

• Oh! that this too solid flesh would melt.  William Shakespeare
• Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Alexander Woollcott
• Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a 90 ft Redwood. Erma Bombeck
• All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. John Gunther
• Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. Voltaire
• Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz
• We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. Epicurus
• The more you eat, the less flavour; the less you eat, the more flavour. Chinese Proverb
• Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. Jim Davis
• Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine. Polish Proverb

Footnote:
Please send us your funny workout or funny diet quotes

A Generous Diet

Needing to shed a few pounds, Robert, and his wife Jennifer, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for their individual portions. Robert and Jennifer felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.

As time progressed, Robert and Jennifer realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they found their error.

There, in small print, Robert and Jennifer saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'.

When it's Time to Workout

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