Good Jokes for Each Month

Good Jokes that made Will and Guy Laugh - Month by Month

Regard this page as a mini-sitemap for jokes.  Each month we seek to bring you a rich variety of good jokes and amusing pictures that capture that particular time of year.

• January Jokes
• February Jokes
• March Jokes
• April Jokes
• May Jokes
• June Jokes
• July Jokes
• August Jokes
• September Jokes
• October Jokes
• November Jokes
• December Jokes
• Special Days

Examples of Will and Guy's jokes for each month

5 Things you should already know:

1) There is a very fine line between ' hobby' and ' mental illness' .
2) People who want to share their religious views with you never want you to share yours with them.
3) You should not confuse your career with your life.
4) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
5) Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

Travel Centre

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.

Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'

Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.

Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.

Out of the Mouths of Children - Good Joke

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to.  My Mom is a good cook.

Simple question: Why?

• Why are boxing rings square?
• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
• Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? 

Zany London Tube Drivers add Spice to the Journey

'We are taking the scenic route to Barking on the District Line.  We will be stopping at all stations to Barking with the exception of Cannon Street.  This train does not stop there on Saturdays due to ....(PAUSE) ...total lack of interest.'

'This is Paddington Station. Please leave your valuables on the train and I will collect them at the end of my shift.'

'Hello this is the captain of your Uxbridge train speaking, and we will be departing shortly.  Please note that we will be cruising at an altitude of approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Uxbridge is 11:15pm. The temperature in Uxbridge is a cool 10 degrees Celsius, and Uxbridge is in the same time zone as Aldgate, so there's no need to adjust your watches.'

'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint it is only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage' .

Clever Wise Words

• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

Judgement

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of twenty euros costs.

'Now don't let me ever see your face again', said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.

'I'm afraid I can't promise that', sir, said the released man.

'And why not?'.

'Because I'm the barman at your regular pub.'

See More St Patrick's Day Jokes

Curious Name Places Located in the UK

• Great Snoring in Norfolk
• Little Snoring in Norfolk [which would you prefer to live in?]
• Beer in Devon [Possible retirement place for Will?]
• Maggots End in Hertfordshire [Ugh]
• World's End can be found in Berkshire and again near Birmingham [Lovely pub/restaurant in the place near Denmead, Hampshire]
• Blubberhouses in Yorkshire [Visited there once says Will]

History and Maths Lesson

A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, 'This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.'

A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, 'When did that happen?'

'1215', answers the guide.

The man looks at his watch and says, 'Gee whiz - Just missed it by a half hour.'

Signs of the Zodiac

• Lucky Horse - Trigger
• Lucky Cat - Siamese
• Lucky Lord - Lucan
• Lucky Tool - Spanner
• Lucky Soup - Gazpacho
• Lucky Pie - Blackbird
• Lucky Drink - Dandelion and Burdock

See more funny signs of the zodiac

See more good jokes and funny pictures:

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