Funny Online Stories for December

Funny Online Stories for December that made Will and Guy Laugh

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.  William Hazlitt

Funny Online Stories for December

• Bungling Burglars
• Catfish Tale
• Christ the Redeemer at Rio de Janeiro
• Don't try this at home
• Funny Cake Toppers
• Funny Stones
• Ideas to Amuse Kids
• Passports
• Railway Gauge
• Red Marbles - Inspirational Story
• Red Tape - Fewer Christmas Lights
• Takes the Biscuit

Special Occasions in December

• Christmas Section
• Quiz - December Dates
• Zodiac Signs for December

Here is a selection of our funny online stories for December:

Here are examples of this month's funny online stories.   We aim to amuse - even surprise, but never to shock or offend.

Cases of Red Tape

• Firemen in Essex, England were warned that they faced disciplinary action after sleeping on their fire station floor because it was 'an unauthorised rest facility.'
• In Tajikistan (ex region of USSR ), visitors require 11 permits to gain admittance.
• Midlothian council left the lights on at a disused school in case unauthorised intruders tripped over in the dark.
• From the other side of the fence.  In December 2005, the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Middle District of Tennessee announced that two officials had been arrested for for taking bribes for the purchase of - red tape.  In this true story, the officials were found to be taking kickbacks of $1 per roll.  The worst part of the affair to our thinking was that one small department could buy 100,000 rolls of red tape!

Fancy a Nosebag?

'Some biscuit bar manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer's mash, and the sweepings of racing stables, packaging the mixture into little bars and selling them in health food shops.'

Thanks to Frank Muir, the late British comedian and broadcaster.

How Red Tape Curtails Christmas Lights

In Sandwell, Worcestershire, traders have been told that lights cannot be hung across the widths of roads, because of fears that cables may break.

Scarborough Council has planned an 'electric parade' with a pantomime theme to make up for the disappointment of last year's celebrity switch-on, which was cancelled because of police objections on various health and safety issues.

The Catfish Tale

A man who lives at Lake Conroe [50 miles north of Houston, Texas, USA ] saw a ball bouncing around strangely in the lake and went to investigate.

Toy Test:

Obtain large box of tin tacks. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

Supermarket Test:

Borrow one or two small animals [goats are excellent] and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

See more ideas to amuse kids.

This is allegedly a true story researched by Guy and Will.

The name of a two-year-old boy was listed on the country's list of wanted suspects. He was briefly banned from getting on a plane bound for Turkey. The details on the toddler's passport had been the same as those in an arrest warrant, even the date of birth.

'While going through the passport checking procedures to get on board, one of the officers on duty said they wanted to take Suhail,' Emirates Today quoted the boy's father, Abdullah Mohamed Saleh, as saying. 'I thought he was kidding me and said 'Take him if you want'. He showed me a print-out of a document that said Suhail was wanted and there was an arrest warrant for him.'

Officials said they would investigate the cause of the mix-up.

Christ the Redeemer - Pictures from Rio de Janeiro

Chimney Burglar - Funny Online Story

A burglar who got stuck in a chimney while trying to break in to a Los Angeles home has been jailed for two years. Bungling burglar Marco Antonio Espinoza was also ordered to pay the owners of the house more than £5,000 [$9,993.20 USD] to repair the damage done when fire fighters freed him.

When he was caught, he told the police that he was doing building work on the house.

A 'would be' robber had to drop his bank looting plans after he forgot to take with him a bag into which the stolen money could be put.

Apparently, the young man in his 20's, entered a local Chase Bank branch early on Monday morning and passed the cashier a piece of cardboard on which was written 'Give me your money,' reported the Detroit News.

He told the bank teller to 'hurry up,' but when she asked him if he had a bag to put the money into he became flustered and confused and ran off without the cash.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny online stories

See more of Will and Guy's best clean jokes for each month:

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