Jokes for May that Make Will and Guy Laugh

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Jokes for May that made Will and Guy Laugh

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. Nicholas Butler

Jokes for May - Topics

Special Occasions in May

Here are samples of our jokes for May

Experts found that people were more happy on May 18 than any other day of the year. The reason is because it is spring, the days are sunnier and longer, and there is a Bank Holiday soon.

Psychic

Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac?
He knew in advance what he was going to forget

Eye Test

A short Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters. On the bottom row were these letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied - 'I know the fellow.'

Did you know that

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

Newspaper Headlines

Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a man!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace

®

Give Microsoft a chance

Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech Support: 'Tell me what You've done.'
Customer: 'I typed A:SETUP.'

Tech Support: 'Ma' am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer: 'It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.

Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.' Customer: 'What?'

Tech Support: 'Did you buy Microsoft Word?'
Customer: 'No...'

In my day:

'---------- ' grass' was mowed,
'---------- ' coke' was a cold drink
'---------- ' pot' was something your mother cooked in and
'---------- ' rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby?
'---------- ' Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office?
'---------- ' chip' meant a piece of wood
'---------- ' hardware' was found in a hardware store and
'---------- ' software' wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us ' old and confused' and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?

Silly book titles:

The Dogs' Dinner by Nora Bone
The Cliff Tragedy by Eileen Dover
French Windows by Pattie O'Dors
Forestry by Teresa Green
Olympic Games by Arthur Letics
How to Make Honey by B. Keeper
Easy Money by Robyn Banks
Gunfire by R. Tillery
Long Walk by Miss D. Buss

See more good jokes and funny stories for each month:

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