Will and Guy's Funny Biscuit Jokes

Will and Guy's Funny Biscuit Jokes

We realize that in the USA they would call a biscuit a cookie.

• Biscuit Tin Fight
• Takes the biscuit?
• Crumb-down
• Keep Taking the Biscuits?
• Fancy a Nosebag?

Biscuit Tin Fight

Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon and made his breakaway in a taxi! 

The names of chocolate biscuit bars available in the United Kingdom, and perhaps, elsewhere.

See our Penguin joke

Takes the Biscuit?

What did the pig say to the gerbil?

I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I press the buzzer, she brings me a biscuit.

Crumb-down

A Town Hall 'crumb-down' has been ordered because thieving visitors keep stealing the councillors' biscuits. Bosses at Canterbury City Council, Kent, UK, are fighting back by telling staff to hide the tea trolley during meetings to stop people purloining the biccies.

An unnamed council source said, 'People coming to sit in on the meetings see the trolley and just help themselves. They think it is something that the council lays on for free, but the biscuits are for the councillors not members of the public.'

Footnote:   Interesting how we always believe an 'Unnamed source', but always distrust the 'Official Spokesman'.

Keep Taking the Biscuits?

Chris visited his psychiatrist in Harley Street, London England and told him that he thought he was turning into a packet of biscuits*.

'What sort of biscuits?' asked the psychiatrist.
'Square ones,' answered Chris.

'With little holes in them?' the psychiatrist enquired.
That's right, Doc,' responded Chris with relief, 'That's it exactly.'

'You're crackers!' announced the psychiatrist.

* If Chris had gone to a psychiatrist in Manhattan, he would have called biscuits, cookies.

Fancy a Nosebag?

'Some biscuit bar manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer's mash, and the sweepings of racing stables, packaging the mixture into little bars and selling them in health food shops.'

Thanks to Frank Muir, the late British comedian and broadcaster for this biscuit joke

Funny Cake

Who are these people we ask?

Here, the customer required the word, 'congratulations' to be written. You will observe that the cake maker has written it twice since the word requested was a plural.

A splendidly funny example of a pirate cake.

Footnote. Please send us your 'Takes the Biscuit' jokes and stories

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